Send My Letter to Heaven's

Black Patterned Umbrella Moon

“Argghh!”

“Dhafin!”

“Kak!”

All the visitors looked at us. I was busy tidying the cup behind my running when I heard someone calling my brother's name quite loudly.

“Kak Dhafin!”

My body shook when my brother was in Andrian's arms. His face was flushed as if enduring pain. The hand that had been perched on the chest now inched to the left side of the body.

Seeing me running over, Brother Dhafin smiled. Really, a sight I don't want to see from my brother. I was sick and pretended to smile at me.

“Hyera, bring Dhafin in, Kenzie help Hyera. I'll close the cafe after this.” I nodded, as did Kenzie who was quick to help Kak Dhafin stand up.

In my sister's cafe, there's a place to rest. The restroom is arranged by Kak Dhafin to rest when he is tired or just in case I am bored and sleepy.

Kenzie laid Kak Dhafin's body down slowly. My screams are starting to sound faint. I'm sorry, even though I've been holding him back, those sobs and tears still I can't stand.

“Hey, sssttt don't cry. Sister is just exhausted kok.”

“But sister almost fell.”

“That's because sister is not careful.”

Brother Dhafin stroked my cheek. Removing my tears and smiling gently at me.

Seeing her as strong as this made my heart break even more. I know brother is sick, I know brother is suffering, I know brother is not okay. Please be honest, what's wrong?

“Kak,” I'm inching closer. Holding my brother's hand that he used to stroke my cheek. “I know everything has not been easy since the departure of my father. What's wrong with sharing everything with me?”

Brother Dhafin shook his head slowly, and I returned to reply.

“I may not be perfect, but sister is not alone. There's me.” I am strengthening the grip on Kak Dhafin's hand. “We went through together. I'm not a kid anymore to worry about. Brother is worried about me, and I'm worried about you. Instead of us worrying about each other, let's then share with all the things we make as open as possible.”

“Adek..”

“Kak, I beg you. Let's make things better. Brother, don't be forced when you work continuously for me. I never even asked to buy this it sis.”

Dhafin's brother released his handrails. Stretching out my arms welcomes my body to embrace into her arms. And I inched to wipe away the tears and then drowned my face into the chest of his field.

“Honey Hyera until anytime.”

My face is getting drowned in the arms of Dhafin. Sayup-sayup I heard my brother's heartbeat. I grimaced sad to hear it. May I ask to continue listening to this next heartbeat?

“Why cry anyway? Sister is just exhausted, no need for this piece of.”

Lies.

My eyes closed tightly, Kak Dhafin's heartbeat interrupted my hearing, and it made my chest ache.

“Until when does sister hide everything?” I felt Kak Dhafin's hand stop stroking my back. “Why not be honest with me? I'm entitled to know the condition of brother.”

“Sister is just exhausted, no need to worry.”

“Oh yes? Dare to bet what? Brother's heart?”

Kak Dhafin's hug loosened. His body stiffened, I could feel my brother's shock.

I keep my body away, “You wait until when to be honest with me?”

“Dek?”

“Why brother?”

“You... know?”

“Everything.”

Sister Dhafin's eyes glazed over at me. The next moment I felt the elusan on my left shoulder. Kenzie's hand seemed to be stretched out by stroking my shoulder so I could better control my emotions.

“Kak Dhafin still don't want to be honest?”

Still in silence, without any intention of opening his mouth. It was as if Dhafin's mouth was locked, just a sluggish headband that was the answer to my question.

I smiled wryly. The more useless I am living. Shaking my head slowly, I stood up without looking at Dhafin.

“Hest, I'm saying.”

Choosing to leave Kak Dhafin is probably the best option right now. Staring at his face that only looked at me wordlessly as if to tell me, even if I knew about his suffering as well as his illness, all would not change.

“Loh where are you going?” Not turning my head and not answering, I was still haughty with my steps the faster I was. Left Brother Andrian who called me with his loud voice. No matter the gazes of the few remaining visitors. I don't care about anyone anymore, right now.

My legs are racing against each other. Splitting the noise of the city is also the roar of vehicles that are mutually unpretentious. No more tears on the cheeks. I don't know, my tears didn't even come out again after my feet set foot outside the cafe.

I can hear clearly, the lightning that is mutually unpretentious. The sky that was clear turned gray. The atmosphere of nature instantly changed as my heart grew more and more congested as my ears came back to hear Kak Dhafin's gurgle.

Highlight the cheerful eyes that he always showed, the shadow of his chattering endlessly, all the things about Kak Dhafin's perfection that might be lost at any time.

Like tears mingling with rain. Although it continues to force out, but easily disguised by the rain.

I hate my weak self, I hate my deformed self, I hate myself who can't do anything when I know my sister and my parents are dying from pain.

Doctor Kang's words came back to my ears.

The voices kept buzzing, the more I spurred the footsteps the more clearly heard. The more rain flushed the body, the more the sound blended with the hardened intonation.

“You sure there's never been a history of heart disease? Or maybe you have had a great accident that made your brother unconscious or something?”

Like a madman, I covered my ears and shouted hysterically in the rain.

The bitter memories of the accident swirled in my mind. The noise of two machines clashing against each other interrupted my hearing.

“You have confirmed the analysis of the Doctor who handled your sister? Look, everyone can say fine, but in fact the depth of one's feelings is certainly no one can predict. My max, your brother can easily say fine, but you still don't know if your brother is being honest or is covering up his lies from you. Word ‘baik’ does not forever mean ‘baik’.”

“Argghhh!”

As powerful as I was, I threw the hearing aid perched in my ear. Taking it off and throwing it away is my choice right now, because sure enough, when I take it off and throw it, the voices disappear.

I sat myself on the wet sidewalk. Staring at the heartfelt hearing aid under the rain. Crying without hearing anything I should have heard.

My life was too messed up, one night that ruined my life for years or maybe forever.

The accident greedily wiped out my life and happiness. Took my hearing, took my parents, and almost took my sister. Or maybe, in a moment, take my brother for heart damage from that terrible accident.

I hated that night, I hated this unjust fate.

My eyes look up at the sky. The rain fell down on my face. Never excuse me for coming down. Delicious if they come down always in a company, while I?

Sure I can give my heart to my sister? Sure my heart would fit? What if it doesn't fit? What if my heart cannot be well received by my brother's body?

My body collapsed sideways, holding the inner weight for almost the rest of my life was not that easy. Surrounded by love also people who love in fact can not be a guarantee to escape the inner pain that first burdens.

A firm hand embraced me. One hand was able to support my body. I took a quick glance, my gaze slightly blurred by the rain, even so I knew who this person was.

I don't know when Kenzie followed me. I don't know since when Kenzie's been standing behind me. I don't know since when Kenzie's been around me.

His lips moved stringing sentences, quite long, visible from the motion of his old lips saying something, unfortunately I could not hear his words.

Kenzie moved his head forward, covering my face from the rain. Her lips kept moving as if to invite me to speak, until a dark umbrella with a moonlight came over to shade us both.

My head and Kenzie looked up at each other looking at someone who was shading us with his umbrella. I frowned, trying to remember the person who was still staring at me from above, without turning to look at Kenzie.

Slowly Kenzie helped me stand up, picked up the hearing aid I just threw away. Leave it to me after checking it's broken or not.

That guy was still looking at me, and I was too. We were still staring at each other for a long time, until I felt my left arm touch someone.

Ahh Kenzie gives that hearing aid. Sorry, I'm deaf, maybe Kenzie called me but I didn't hear it.

Accept that thing, then I put it up slowly. My eyes closed, listening to voice after voice greeting my eardrum, getting used to it getting into new hearing I opened my eyes.

“Jovin Kaindra.” Recognize her.

I was still frowning, he was quite aware that I couldn't hear, just deserved to just stare.

“Sorry, are we blocking your way?” Kenzie asked politely, and the child magician did not turn his head towards Kenzie or simply answer Kenzie's question.

Wait for.

Jovin's?

Jovin Kaindra's?

Like a stranger??

“We once took shelter at a stop. And you were once presumptuous to advise me.” Jovin reopened his voice, Kenzie silently looked at me, and I returned Kenzie's confused gaze.

Sassy advising? Ask me in my heart.

“You know him?” Kenzie asked and I didn't answer. Still busy remembering the figure now standing in front of us.

Jovin Kaindra's..

Take shelter at the stop..

Sassy to give advice..

“Siap..?? Oho! You were the one who almost got hit, weren't you?”

Kenzie looked at me as my hand pointed towards Jovin. I could see Jovin smiling a little. A little, or maybe I just mislooked?

“Yes, it's me. Thanks for remembering.”

I nodded in agreement.

The three of us were silent, no words after until I sensed no more raindrops from the sky.

The splash of water that had disappeared from my feet also stopped my shoes. The birds are starting to sound faint. Jovin looked at me and I looked at him. For a few minutes we stared at each other until a large hand perched over my vision.

“Not good girl staring intensely in the direction of the opposite sex.” And I know whose hand it is.

“Come, we have to go home, he said you want to design your florist design, don't waste time.” I nodded in agreement, only then did Kenzie's hand come down and hold my hand tightly.

Not intending to say goodbye, I stepped past Jovin. Glancing at her at a glance then completely disappeared from Jovin's sight. Until I forget the word ‘thank you’ for the umbrella ride he gave me under the rain.

The black moon-patterned umbrella that accidentally saved me from the rush of rain and his entourage.

Thank you black-robed man with moon motifs, Jovin Kaindra.