Send My Letter to Heaven's

I'm Still the Second One

Tears come out stifled. It hurts. It was as if my world was split apart and hit me completely. Just a few minutes I said “rela” on the fate of Kak Dhafin. Either be given healing by waking up and coming back to life with me, or healing but returning to the creator. I had just given up my fate, and the Doctor called me. Tells me that Dhafin's condition is getting worse.

It hurts even more when I need someone to lean on, but no one shows up to embrace me.

Brother Andrian, I don't know where that guy went.

Kenzie, I called but never gave a reply.

Very amusing. The world was so compact it left me when I couldn't stand on my own. They planned everything so epic that it made me shake my head.

Funny, very very funny.

With the rest of my strength, I put my foot into Kak Dhafin's nursery. Staring at the sturdy body that was currently stretched helplessly. Slowly dragging my legs closer and closer shattered. One word appeared when the face of Kak Dhafin increasingly visible in my eyes.

Both my hands were moved holding the pale hands of Dhafin. It's the same, no movement. And before long, my phone vibrated in my pink hoodie pocket.

Removing the row of tears on my cheeks, I forced my hand to reach into the flat object that had sounded for a moment.

One notification that made me smile wryly.

From Kenzie, which reads, "What's the matter Ra? I was accompanying Kimi to the Lake."

A wry smile returned. Stupid, I swear in my heart. How could I forget that Kenzie had Kimi? I shouldn't have expected the boy to come. I shouldn't have expected more at the boy's arrival. It's not clear, Kimi will win more than me.

I'm just a pathetic girl who lives a parasitic life in that kid's life. I regret that I expected his arrival. In fact, I'm not something that should be prioritized.

The problem of old acquaintances, old friends, will not change the status between us, nor the feelings between us. He will stick with the taste for Kimi, and I will stand here with my sadness.

What can be expected of a disabled person like me?

There aren't.

You know, there's nothing I can be proud of at all.

At any time, I will be the least important in his life.

My head turned towards the sound of the door being pushed. My eyes looked at the two people who were like running quite a distance away. Again, I gave a wry smile to the arrival of the two men.

"Why come?" I asked for a figure standing behind Brother Andrian. "Don't she go with Kimi?"

Kenzie's eyebrows blend together. "So Brother Andrian called, and I came straight here together."

"Ohh.." I said it briefly, then threw away my face. "Next time don't have to be forced if you can't come here. I didn't force you to come."

"You need me." My head turned quickly. looked at Kenzie and chuckled softly at his words.

"I'm sorry, who said I needed you?" A little rough maybe, but I don't care.

"I never needed you." My body stood facing Kenzie. "Please go, and please continue with your life."

The two men - Kenzie and Brother Andrian - were slightly stunned by my words.

"Hyera, don't talk like that." Brother Andrian stroked my shoulders slowly.

"Can is right. I'm just a parasite that's disrupting her life. Logically, why would a normal person want to struggle with the life of a disabled and miserable person like me? Make what? It's no use, right? A sane person would also not want to linger and be bothered with a disabled person like me."

"Hyera, what are you talking about?" Brother Andrian whispered softly. While the child was still silent with a hard-to-understand look pointed towards me.

"Speaking the reality she might actually feel."

Both Kenzie's hands clenched. His eyes stare at me. I know, the kid's pissed right now.

"Ra, you can judge me all you want. But for God's sake I've never thought that way to you. I never feel troubled or uncomfortable around you. I never..."

"That's Ken. You can be much happier without me. Go, and let's end this friendship."

"Hey you guys are all right? Why emotions like this?"

Brother Andrian mediates my conversation with him, which actually makes me even more fed up with this situation. I had enough of my thoughts to branch between my heart and the life of Kak Dhafin. No more fighting with silly feelings. So, let me go and leave this feeling free. I'm going to go with all the feelings I've kept from the beginning to meet this very figure I love.