Send My Letter to Heaven's

I'm In

I wonder why so many people love rainbows. It's true, rainbows are beautiful, but they come only temporarily.

Many people say that the rainbow always comes after the rain has subsided. In fact, rainbows do not always come when the rain has subsided.

Sometimes it rains beautifully at certain times. Water splashing that comes together often gives a romantic impression for some people. But, if the rain troops come much more, not the romance given, but the disaster that comes as a substitute. So, not only rainbows always come as a substitute for rain. Although beautiful, his arrival was only temporary.

What makes me even more curious is why the creators always rain when my heart and mind are not on the same track. Moreover, reality favors one of my heart's choices or my thoughts.

People say, in every beauty there must also be ugliness, and in every ugliness there is always beauty. But, why do I think it's not like what people say?

Is it just a shield for them so as not to be discouraged? Or am I the one who is less grateful for what the creator gives?

“All will be fine.”

Counting, more than ten times Kenzie said that sentence since an hour ago. And that's the sign, it's been an hour also Kak Dhafin was in the white room. All that time, and there's no sign of a single person coming out of there.

What are they doing in there?

What did they do to my sister?

“With patient family?”

The stern voice of a Doctor who had just walked out of the room interrupted my hearing. I stood up after Brother Andrian came forward first to see Doctor Lee who handled my brother.

“Cute me.” He said firmly, then we –aku, Kenzie and Kak Andrian-followed him.

Every step I took following Doctor Lee grew heavier and heavier. Especially when the other room that seemed to be our goal began to look at the end of the hallway. The doctor continued walking without a word. The Andrian I knew was never serious, this time the look on his face scared me a little. Kenzie, who had equated my steps, clasped my hand tightly without letting go for a second.

Me, a little scared.

When we got to the room I was talking about, I said whatever prayer I could recite. Pray, hopefully not the bad news that Doctor Lee will deliver.

In a firm tone without compromising her authority, Doctor Lee told us to sit in her downstairs chair.

We were sitting side by side with me in the middle between Brother Andrian and Kenzie, we were simultaneously staring at Doctor Lee who was staring at us one by one.

Harsh breaths rang out, Doctor Lee rubbed his eyes using his thumb and index finger, before he said slowly.

“Dhafin Jenaro, Doctor Aber's patient right? Your dad?” Ask Brother Andrian.

Brother Andrian did not make a sound, only a nod made the answer.

A rough sigh sounded twice. “You're his sister?” Ask Doctor Lee, to me.

“Hyera Jenaro,” Call him, and I sharpen my hearing. “Heartache experienced by your brother is not the result of the accident you guys first experienced.” Me, a little surprised. “If the heart damage experienced by the patient due to an accident, it is less likely that the patient can survive. Most patients who have heart damage due to accidents, almost 60% can not be saved.” I'm getting both my hands together.

“M-int..”.

“Sorry.” Brother Andrian's voice cut my sentence and interrupted my hearing from the left. I looked at her, and I saw her eyes start to glaze over.

“Congestive Heart failure named.” My attention goes back to Doctor Lee. “You can ask Doctor Aber since when the patient has heart failure. What I want to talk to you about at this time, please limit patient activity.” I pondered for a moment all the things that Kak Dhafin had done for me.

“Do not make the patient exhausted. This can be fatal to his heart. Set the diet, and do not let the patient touch things that smell of alcohol.” Kak Dhafin is a drinker.

I often see him drinking when he is alone. I also often found a few bottles of alcohol strewn about his desk. Not just one or two bottles, sometimes I see four bottles of alcohol in his room.

I regret my ignorance of Dhafin Sister spending her nights with bottles of alcohol. I think I've taken care of him the most because as I know lately he rarely complains of chest pain. But who would have thought, sometimes what we prevent actually comes to approach without permission.

The speech of Doctor Lee who told me to limit Kak Dhafin's activities also seemed to hit and destroy the world around me.

Dhafin works hard for me. He's the one who's always overtime so he can buy things I like. He who always desperately enliven his cafe in order to make a profit and can live me with his own efforts.

As if only I didn't know everything about my own brother frustrated me and wanted to die this very second.

I am his sister, I was with him from the moment I was born in the world. I live one roof with him, and I'm blood with him, but I also know nothing about him.

Do I deserve to be called a brother?

Dhafin always tries desperately to make me happy. Accompany me until late so that I am not lonely, and beat up all those who scorn me because I am disabled and cannot hear, but in fact I am the one who destroyed his life.

I felt more and more useless, as I just kept pondering over my shortcomings, while there was Sister Dhafin who encouraged me but behind that she struggled to live, alone.

Am I useful?

I asked, once again. Here, who deserves to live? Me or my brother?

“T-but Sister Dhafin can heal right?” I hope there is still hope for my sister to be free from her illness.

Doctor Lee looked at me for a long time, as if he was looking for or reading something through both balls of my eyes.

“Limit the activity, do not make the patient exhausted. Set your eating pattern. Keep the patient away from alcohol. Never be late to take the medicine. If the patient feels pain in his chest, immediately contact Doctor Aber.” Doctor Lee paused and looked at me shadyly, as if he was staring at his son. “Your brother is strong. He will definitely be fine.”

I nodded along with the two tears that came dripping in rhythm with my nod.

Please, only Brother Dhafin remains. Don't take it anymore, or if indeed Sister Dhafin has to go, let me come with her so that none of us will be lonely.