Send My Letter to Heaven's

Star

The night wind blew slowly swinging my hair that I deliberately unraveled. The breath let out a little smoke as I blew it.

The round thing that shone brightly in the clouds showed off its bright light. The star also looks up to the sky on the side of the moon. The wind that mingles with the dark colors bears witness to the beauty of the moon and stars.

Here, on the banks of the Han River, I stared at them with someone I still adore like an idol.

Just the two of us, there's no one else between us. Just me and him.

Those glassy eyes blinked admiring the moon. The thick cherry-colored lips slightly curved upwards answering the sparkling stars. His beautiful face seemed to challenge the beauty of the moon.

Still as usual, I stared at them from here with someone I was waiting for.

“Tau the brightest star name?”

My tiny head was staring up at the night sky. Too many stars shining brightly, it's hard to find any of them Kenzie meant.

“Away there.”

Kenzie's index finger points to a star the size of my pinky tip between the moonlight beams.

“Why?” I still don't know what Kenzie means.

The laughter of Kenzie who was still amazed I was thrown rivaling the air.

“If I'm right, the star's name is Sirius.”

“Ahhhh...” My head nods in understanding.

“The brightest stars are located in the constellation Canis Major.”

I nodded again hearing Kenzie's words. “What every night can I see Sirius?”

Kenzie turned his head to look at me from the side. His calm gaze made me look deeper into his eyes.

Kenzie's lips curled up to form a line of smile that was still very sweet. His row of white teeth poked out between his smile.

“Sirius stars will look bright and clear if you see them at midnight in December to January. Because at that time, Sirius' position was right above a human head.”

“Oh yes?”

Chief Kenzie nodded. “We will be able to see it at the turn of the year.” The boy straightened his body. His eyes are still staring at me. “I've read books about the stars and constellations. Sirius can be seen with the naked eye even when the sun is still above the horizon. This star can be seen in very clean weather conditions, provided that the position of the sun is quite low.”

I was amazed to hear Kenzie.

“I want to be Sirius.”

I did, and I was silent to hear it.

“I want to still be visible even during the day though.”

“You've been a star even from a long time ago.”

He was the star that filled my tracks.

The beautiful star that gave me the bright light that illuminated my path. The darkness of my life managed to shine because there is he who plays a star in my life.

A star that does not dim even though many people do not glance at me at all. The star that illuminated the darkness of my life.

“Know what things are so beautiful?”

Kenzie shook his head slowly. “What is it?” Ask.

I don't know why I said that one sentence. The actual sentence led more to the statement that I admired him. There was too much beauty I saw from every look in her eyes and the radiance of her smile.

Kenzie sighed softly. His eyes refocused on the expanse of the night sky. “The universe is vast.” Her speech. “When you feel the greatest on earth, you will have nothing in the sky. The universe is countless. The little stars up there, when we come they will be much bigger, maybe even bigger than the globe. But sometimes, people don't really care about it.”

I rubbed the tip of my shoe with the ground. My admiration for Kenzie was rebutted in another language. In a simple sense, Kenzie changed the subject to avoid my sentence just now.

“Fear, anxiety, worry, three things that can surround human feelings. Either they are in success or in adversity. Sick, healthy, sad, happy, destiny of God no one even knows. Shortly after we leave this river, we won't know what happened.”

I still play the ground with the tip of my shoe. There was nothing interesting about the movement of the tip of my shoe on the brown ground I was playing. This thing I'm doing is just trying to get my embarrassment out of Kenzie.

“Come, we live as if we're going to die tomorrow.”

My head that was looking down immediately looked at Kenzie. The movement of my feet playing the ground also stopped. My head shifted slightly glancing at Kenzie's whereabouts.

The boy was still focused on staring at the expanse of the night sky. But from his words just now it sounded very…

“Maxly?” I don't even know what Kenzie said.

“There's been a lot of fear in your eyes lately. Let go of everything Ra, let's be happy. We won't know what's going on tomorrow. Let's live, as if today was our last day alive.”

“You?”

“I know you want to donate your heart to Kak Dhafin.”

My body stiffens. How could he know?

“Do you know what will happen if Kak Dhafin wakes up from his critics and realizes his sister has gone before him? You know what Dhafin would do if he found out his dear sister gave him her life support? You know what Dhafin's sister will face after you vanish from her sight?”

“Ken..”.

“Don't be crazy.” Kenzie's hand grabbed my palm. Grasped it tightly and carried it into his jacket pocket. “Kak Dhafin will be angry if he finds out you sacrificed his life for him.”

My eyes are heating up. My chest feels tight to hear Kenzie's words. Do you know what he knows about me and my brother? Making friends from childhood doesn't guarantee he can manage my life. Getting to know a kid doesn't guarantee he knows everything about me.

His words were as if he was the right one. His words earlier seemed to be able to tear down all the courage I had built up for me to exchange my life for my brother.

He, acting as if his words were true, even though 40% of it is true.

I also know what Dhafin will do when he finds out who is the donor. I understand he'll be angry. I understand he's going berserk.

But what can I do to save my brother? Silence in place while waiting for Kak Dhafin to wake up? Passed away and watched the only family I had die?

From childhood, from father and mother to go, Kak Dhafin played a double role for me. He gave it all up for me. He's the one who's holding back his pain so I don't worry about him.

Even the life I gave, it wasn't worth the sacrifice he'd given me all along.

“You say as if you feel what I feel. You say as if what you say is all true. You say no words of regret in your words?”

“Hyera..”.

“Stop talking about things you think are right. Because not everything you say is right in my eyes. You've never even been in my position, but you're talking like you were once me.”

My eyes stared sinisterly at Kenzie. I know what I said was a new thing Kenzie heard. I know I'm rude, I know I shouldn't have said that to her.

Kenzie just forgot, that everything he said just now was so out of line with what happened to me. My feelings were not in line with what he said.

So sorry if I was offended by what he said. Because not always good advice, it can fit in spoken in all circumstances.