Send My Letter to Heaven's

Let Me Pamit

Over-understanding the hope held by man.

Blank.

Hope hurts the most when it comes to hope in people. But for now what can I do? I was even confused about having to walk south or north. Because if I go west or east it seems like it must be wrong.

“Bu, fast time once passed.”

My cold headstone rubs slowly. My eyes circulated on the two gravestones that were now lined up side by side in front of me.

The wild grass began to cover. Looks like the funeral attendant forgot to clean the tomb today.

“It feels like just yesterday mom hugged me and bought me a doll.”

The memories of the two people who made me born into the world. Warm laughter was also a warm embrace that became opium, but unfortunately I can only enjoy until I was 8 years old.

Briefest.

Very brief.

I guess, I could feel that embrace until my mom and dad handed me over to the good guys who would take their place to look after me.

I guess, the shady gaze of both of them will still get when I turn twenty, thirty, forty, or maybe fifty years.

“Sorry just came to visit. I'm still a cowardly girl who doesn't dare come to visit you.”

In fact, I still reject the fate that befell you.

“Kak Dhafin is sick mom, yeah. Brother is very sick, and is still unconscious. Can Brother Dhafin get up and go visit you guys here with me again?” My lips smiled bitterly. “Why is fate toying with our family this cruel?”

Again, my hand again stroked the headstone that was in front of me. Not infrequently I stroke the mound of land that still feels unreal. Soon, my mother and father were taken.

Hoping that all the bad fate that befell my family is a nightmare. A dream that suddenly came and made me cry as I opened my eyes in the morning. A dream that scared me to remember.

But what can I do?

This is reality.

The truth I must accept.

“Hyera!”

My head looks back.

There, there was a boy running after me.

I'm staring. His clear eyes seemed to smile as the child chased after something.

“Hyera let's quickly grab your doll!”

The boy smiled as he ran. Behind him, there was a girl running after him.

“Kak Dhafin give me back my doll!”

“Come here catch brother!”

“Mana doll me!”

“Come catch brother!”

Our shadow - me and Kak Dhafin - as a child flashed. I smiled looking at the two shadows that looked very happy.

I stared at the two children fighting over the toy with a very loose laugh.

Wh why? Why did fate separate the two children?

Back I was stunned with one gentle call coming in my right ear.

That sound feels real. It was so real that it made my hair stand up.

“Kak Dhafin?” Call me slowly.

“Hyera sweet sister. Tomorrow we have to be more independent. Brother will give your dear greetings to father and mother. Don't bother the people around you. If you're afraid of being home alone at night, call Kenzie or Andrian. If there are questions you don't understand, ask them too. If you want chamomile tea early in the morning, ask Kenzie to pick up the flowers.”

I look in any direction. “Kak Dhafin?” Call me again.

“Do not cry anymore. Quite crying her. I don't want to see Hyera cry. I don't want this beautiful sister to be sad all the time. Believe it not, brother is not sick anymore.”

Along with the sound of the wind earlier, a speck of rain began to fall. I stood on the grave ground I was treading on. Reluctant to take shelter even though the clouds have shown dark signs, also the water troops from the sky are ready to plunge into the earth.

“Jaga her flower shop is fine. Don't worry about people babbling about you. You are not alone. Don't think you're lonely. There's Andrian and Kenzie who'll get you. Stop crying, don't be sad, and let's be happy. Your happiness will begin. Believe in God, because God will not make his people in constant trouble. Thank you every second you have. Let's meet somewhere else at the end of this universe.”

I was stunned by the whispers I heard. The Hearing Aid that was attached to my ear came off slowly.

It was raining heavily along with the sound that disappeared.

My tears fell without excuse to welcome the rain that began to fall more and more. Is this already his time?

Two balls of my eyes glanced at the graves of father and mother. One question arises, will there be one more tomb after this?

My chest feels tight. My feet are no longer able to support my body weight. God, did you take my brother?

Why so fast?

Why was all my family taken?

A little bit of strength I had, I stood up against the torrential rain and with a little strength in my body I ran through the torrent of rain.

Splitting each grain of rain that accidentally hit my face and body.

My hair is getting wet and so are my clothes. The feeling of inadmissibility alternated with a feeling of relief.

I don't know what relief it is because. But clearly, if today is the day, then I will let Kak Dhafin go after father and mother.

Time passed quite short when God took my parents. And I thought, time was no less short when God took my brother back. The only family I have. The only hero who protects me. The only super warrior who took care of me, was taken.

The universe knows what's best, but I'm sure God knows what's best.

The rush of rain made my feet a little hard to step on. The muddy ground was everywhere, as well as the water-covered hollow roads that could at any time make me fall.

Father, mother, if this is the end of our family story, I'm sincere.

If indeed God takes your brother and takes him to your place, let me kiss Kak Dhafin's hand before the nurses in white uniforms move Kak Dhafin's body into his final resting place.

If the whisper is a saying from Dhafin Sister whom God allows before taking her full body, let me keep all the whispers of Dhafin Sister.

Lord, if this is the best of the best that I want and you choose, allow me to last kiss Kak Dhafin's forehead.

Pecking the forehead of the person who patiently faced and cared for me all this time.

God, you know I didn't have time to say goodbye to my mom and dad. Then, allow me to just say goodbye to Kak Dhafin.

I promise, promise I'll keep all of Kak Dhafin's requests. I'm going to be strong now, because I know, there's no family left I can look up to and I'm complaining about.

God, this once. Please do your good to hear Dhafin's heartbeat one last time.

Please please…