sacrificial taste

been lost

"nadin vaniaaa!!!"

*only by hearing the name nadin spoken my heart immediately spawned on his words and request to me*

"nadin is gone" finally aloud when he told me the information and heard that my knees were shaking and my body felt boneless, making me sit up straight away

"wam!vaniaa!" zafran is sustaining me

"she breathed her last at dawn about 4 pm" Lana asserted

"do you know where this news comes from?" zafran

"nadin's relative called the head of the department"yuni

my body grew weaker, my vision slowly darkened! I just felt the zafran holding me and when I realized I was lying on the school floor

"nadine!!!!" I was jolted and instantly only nadin was on my mind at that moment

"vania, are you okay? we're back at the hospital, okay?" zafran looks so anxious

"no, no need! we're going to Nadin's house now!"

"but nadin's body will soon be brought to his hometown to be in the tomb there" Lana

"where is nadin now?"

"at the house of his relatives because his house has been sold" Yuni

"what are you talking about, Vania? whatchu mean?" zafran

Lana hugged me, followed by Yuni who also hugged me! In her arms Lana whispered "don't vania! it's not the time you say it all" I understand what Lana meant at the time but my mind is completely fucked up! my friend, he's gone! my best friend, my best friend who has begged me for happiness but as a friend I cannot give that happiness in his last moments! I'm a selfish friend! the feeling of guilt continued to eat away at me, the sense of loss also hit me a lot.

"we're going to nadin now!" my reflex is tugging at the jacket Zafran is wearing

"iyaa van, yes! but you calm yourself firstwell, drink" zafran thrust me water

***

on the way to Nadin's place I just fell silent with tears that did not stop flowing from my eyes! my memories with Nadin continued to appear in my memories along with the first time he came to me with a very sad condition, coupled with the guilt that continued to haunt me! his words saying that he wants to zafran for the rest of his life are very stressful for me! can you imagine my condition and feelings at that time? I'm a complete mess!

"vania, you don't cry! you also just recovered, don't be too depressed! it's all just a matter of time, sooner or later we'll all be in the current nadin position. we may love nadin but god swt is more dear to him and nadin is a very good person which is why nadin went faster so that he does not commit any more sins in this world" zafran tried to calm me down but I just kept quiet "vaniaa?" zafran stroked my knee

"Shut up! don't keep talking, I don't want to talk"

"Sorry, I just can't see you like this"

*I could even feel the distance with the zafran at that time, we might be piggybacking but felt very distant what else was with my heart situation back then! I always act or say words that will hurt Zafran even though he does not know anything even he did nothing wrong but my attitude always makes him look like a criminal*

the white flag has been seen, my body is shaking! my knees don't feel strong enough to walk in.

zafran grasped my trembling hand in order to strengthen me to be able to step my feet to see the lifeless body of my best friend.

*connect*