Instantaneous Sweetness

His words Stabbed my Heart

A week I have been living in a new house occupied by my parents, Alhamdulillah I have not heard the babble or the insults of the neighbors. Maybe if I lived in my old papa's house, it was mentally affected and would get insulted every day. Yes, my neighbor who used to know how I behaved, I am quiet and do not like to hang out with men.

Who would have thought would fall into that humiliating thing, especially my parents thought they were just busy with their respective jobs until their children were unkempt and untutored, it was wrong. Papa and Mama always took the time to educate me, it's just that I was stubborn and because love made my eyes go blind. Forgetting everything.

This morning the sun has revealed its light, I was just staring at my child who was lying down. I don't know why mager once me today, not usually. Also my mind drifted far away from nowhere.

‘’Monik, don't take the Dedek marathon outside?’’ Mama's voice can break your daydream.

‘’Ah, Yes, Ma. In a moment, I also blom help Mama beberes right?’’

‘’No need, let Mama aja yes. Bring the Dedek outside, hot this morning is good for his health loh.’’

Mama is right too, the heat of the sun in the morning is very good for the health of the baby. Even people purposefully bring their children to be heated in the morning.

‘’Iya, Ma.’’

Although a bit lazy, I rushed neatly first. Not long after, I'm done. I stuck myself in the mirror.

‘’Do I deserve to dress like this? Moreover, I am the great sinner.’’

Milk chocolate colored gems are equipped with a veil, I was once dressed tightly, showed curves and had fornicated. Do I deserve to dress like this?

‘’Allah, please guide me.’’

I was swaying in my daydream, the sound of my baby sounding whining.

‘’Douh, Mama's son. Ma’afin Mama yes, so forgot to share Dedek.’’

He was well dressed and I just grabbed him. I hurried out of the room. It looks like mama is cleaning the living room and mama's eyes are directly on me, she looks at me without breaking. Is something wrong? Or my powder is a straw? Or my clothes? I looked at the clothes I was wearing.

‘’Ma, I went outside first yes.’’

‘’Ma,’’ my ul back, because mama's eyes still look at me without blinking, without answering my words.

‘’Ah yes, be careful, Nak.’’

‘’I don't deserve to wear this shirt huh, Ma?’’ lirihku while holding the clothes I wear. Mama shook her head immediately.

‘’Ngak, Son. You deserve to wear that shirt.’’

‘’Ta—but, Ma...’’

‘’Honey, you heard the word Mama yes, as long as we want to improve ourselves and want to repent, it's better.’’ Mama looked at me for a long time. Until he quit his job. I was silent for a moment.

‘’But I'm too contemptuous it feels, where to dress like a gini, my inner’’.

‘’Monk!’’

‘’Ah Yes, Ma?’’

‘’Trust me, Allah is Oft-Forgiving for His servant who will repent and will not repeat it again. You believe that right?’’

I nodded slowly though there was still some disbelief in my mind.

‘’Ya already, take the Dedek outside. Hot day the morning is gone again.’’

‘’Iya, Mom. I said goodbye.’’

Mama nodded and smiled. I hurried out of the house. I don't know why my mind isn't calm, a little restless today. I stared at the grandpa still awake and lightly.

‘’Maybe it's my mind only.’’

I tried to shake off the uneasiness that came to my mind, rushing I stepped up for the marathon. The sun was so intense that it felt a stinging pain to my skin making me sweat. Allah! New scorching sun that I felt could not feel, let alone your torment in hell.

Athaghfirullah!

‘’Yes Allah, forgive your sin-trained servant.’’

‘’Eh, Monik? Poor thing, Dedek has no father. Therefore do not be a cheap girl,’’. Jem! His words in a soft tone but pierced into my heart. Where does this mother know? Didn't you know that as long as I'm here no one knows about me getting pregnant out of wedlock. Turns out my guess was wrong, I thought I'd be fine in my parents' new home.

I tried to calm myself so as not to get carried away by emotions.

‘’Humm. Mom, I say goodbye first,’’ I said as if I did not understand his words. Made her and her friend look at me with a dislike look. But I don't care, hurry I continue my footsteps.

‘’Biarin aja, it is true anyway. He pretends to be good, but his behavior is inversely proportional to his clothes. To cover his disgrace in my opinion.’’

‘’Ya Allah! Please strengthen me and give me patience.’’

My chest was so tight to hear what he was saying. Actually their words are not wrong, but what he can not keep his words that make people's hearts hurt. I could no longer hold back my tears until they fell, the people walking beside me turned their heads and looked at me, rushing me to tears with the end of the veil. Dedek cried for a moment, maybe he knew what I was feeling.

‘’Honey Mama, why cry? Yes, my mom is no longer crying. Mom appointment.’’

I tried to persuade my son, Alhamdulillah his crying also subsided. It turns out he understood what I had said. It was my aunt Ningrum who said that the baby knows how we feel and if we are restless then she will feel the same way to make her fussy.

I went back to step. On the street, my eyes were fixed on the woman and her two children who were dressed in shabby clothes. Oh God! My heart was so sorry to look at them, they seemed to have no place to live.

‘’Kalo I was not accepted with both my parents. Somehow my fate is O God. Will I be like them too?’’ my murmur was unbroken looking at those who were dressed in shabbiness and carrying sacks. I tried to reach into my dress pockets.

Thank God, it turns out I once slipped money here, when Mama Karni gave me money. I immediately rushed over to those who seemed to be passing by on the road. I carefully crossed the road.

‘’Assalamua’alaikum, Bu,’’ gently sweep. Their faces looked like they were scared.

‘’Wa—wa’alaikumsalam.’’

‘’You don't be afraid. I just want to give a little sustenance to buy breakfast today,’’ I said with a smile and thrust red banknotes as much as two sheets.

‘’Wah, really, Sister?’’ said the little boy I thought was the mother's son. His face was so bright that I looked at the money I had offered. I nodded with a smile.

‘’Due to your attitude, Wan,’’ whispered the woman who sounded faintly by me.

‘’Duuh, ma’af my son yes, Mba. He is like that.’’

‘’Nothing, Mom. I understand kok.’’

‘’Take it, Mom. This is the sustenance of her children Mother,’’ I said as I looked at her two children. The woman is still pensive. Without thinking any more, I immediately stretched it into the hands of the woman.

‘’Ya Allah! Is this really, Mba? Thanks a lot yes. But this is a lot,’’ he said with sparkling eyes. I nodded immediately.

‘’Totally, Bu.’’

‘’Mba is very good. Though we are no one and I do not know the same, Mba,’’ softly make me smile wide.

‘’I'm not actually a good person, Mom. It's just that I learned to be a good person,’’ my monologue in heart.

‘’I said yes, Mom. This is going to continue the marathon first,’’ said I ended the chat with the woman.

‘’Iya, Mba. Careful yes.’’ I nodded and hurried to continue my steps.

‘’Mba?’’ His call was able to make me turn my head and stop my steps instantly.

‘’Ah, yes, Bu?’’

‘’That's his sister, Mba?’’

‘’Engga, Mom. This is my son,’’, I turned to stare at Rafi on my lap.

To make the woman and her two sons quiet, I'm sure they don't believe it. Because they think I'm too young to have children. I continued my steps. Instantly sweat poured out on my face and also my hands also felt tired from carrying my baby child earlier.

Looks like the guys at the marathon, aren't they working today huh? Ah I forgot. It's Sunday now. His day off work. That's why they're in a marathon. On the side of the road there are so many people selling with a variety of breakfast. There are satay, vegetable lontong, rice Padang, hodgepodge and so on. I smiled broadly at him.

‘’Newly this time I walk and see this crowd selling by the road. If you are not afraid my son is fussy, I will definitely have breakfast here.’'

Instantly my eyes were fixed on the man carrying the sports bike, no stranger to me. Behind her was a woman dressed in a knee-length dress and letting her hair unravel, the woman tightly hugged the waist of the man who once filled my heart.

‘’Andre? So romantic are you with that woman. Until you forget your own flesh-blood child, Ndre.’’

Seriate.

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