I'm Sorry to Throw You Out

Stay Alive

...🌸POV Rajesh🌸...

"Go home. You are unstable. Don't come to me just because of a momentary emotion. Don't make decisions when you feel the worst. Calm yourself first."

I asked Rodie to come home. The man looked surprised at my words. Even he could not cover it from the mama who finally appeared with a tray and a glass filled with warm tea I taste.

"What's this about? Why does it look tense? You're not having any problems with each other, are you? Jesh??" my mother asked for my explanation.

"There is no ma. Rodie just came with his kindness and his good offers for me. But I have to reject it." I replied teasingly.

But my mom seems to understand the situation. That's why he chose to go from there.

"Please drink first, son. Aunty wants to go to the house next door first. There's still work there." said mom.

"Thank you aunt."

Rodie looked at my mother's departure with a gaze that I still had a hard time interpreting. Between pity, awe and wonder why a former rich man can survive with this simple now his life.

"Think well of Jesh" he said later after the figure of the mother disappeared from view.

"No. I am not the one who should think but you. You have to rethink. Come on bro, you're rich. With your money, couldn't you have been on medication all this time? Why don't you do it?? If you really love her, why not get well?? Why not use your money to buy your health??? For her sake, for your dreams. Where's struggle?? Is this fast you're giving up???" my girlfriend and I were silent when she answered briefly.

"It's been but it didn't work." Rodie softly said it and bowed.

I feel a little guilty for judging him. I forgot that the disease was part of HIS test. Although a lot of money, sometimes also does not guarantee a person's recovery if HE has not been willing to lift the disease.

"This is my last attempt. During this time I often leave him abroad for the reason of meeting clients. But the truth is, I met a doctor who also at our last meeting yesterday raised his hand. I've no hope of healing Jesh." - Her gaze was pushy.

I really don't know what to react to right now. The man in front of me looked so fragile. Worsened and desperate until he felt like leaving his love for me was the right thing to do right now.

I feel sorry for him and proud of him. Maybe, as a fellow man, I can't even do what he's doing right now.

"Today we met with Alyssa and her future husband. Knowing that Alyssa is not your wife and the baby is not your child either, Zoya was so worried and I knew it. I don't want to force him to continue his lies to himself. You still love him, right? Like she still loves you??" his question makes me flutter.

Not feeling well with the question, I coughed. If I say yes, I feel very sorry for this desperate man in front of me. If I say no, it goes against my heart. I just survived and fought my life to get my Beautiful back.

"You love her, don't you, Jesh?? Just answer. Don't be afraid to hurt me." she asked.

"Why?? I'm doing all this for her happiness, too." she said.

"Indeed. And I admit you're so good at doing things like that. I'm not even sure that I in your position can do the same. I thank you for your great love for him. But I am also at once angry and disappointed in you. You can think of all this as a game. Has it occurred to you how he feels if he arrives later in the pelaminan not you but me who stands next to him?? Have you asked her if this is what she wants too??? Have you made sure to her that you're not the one she loves???"

I gasped for breath. I decided to stop for a moment to be able to scoop up as much oxygen as possible. I'm really emotional knowing my rival is so cowardly to run away from her marriage.

"Then you want me how??!! Still marrying her only to leave her forever?? Make her cry lamenting my corpse??? Then he will be even worse in his grief because of your and my loss?? That how you want???" suddenly he was so angry with me.

Now I'm back to silence. It is difficult to be in our position. Equally loving one woman and equally not wanting to hurt her.

"At least, not by leaving your position on your wedding day. I'm not the way out for this. L loved her. But I want to get it back not by sacrificing anyone's feelings or self. I want him to take me back not because of your last request but he himself wants to come back to me. I want him back but not by justifying all means. Understand."

Now replace me who asked for it. I really can't accept his offer even though it's tempting. I'm afraid that if I accept it, it's beautiful to hate me and accuse me of dancing on Rodie's agony. No, I don't want to be hated by him.

Rodie leaned weakly against the wall of my living room. Her desperate face became more visible. The sadness and fear are clearly reflected.

"I know it's heavy. But I want you to keep fighting for him and for your life as well. Keep her company until you can. And I, I am still convinced that my Lord is not sleeping. He knows what's better for me. I chose to live OUT HER destiny even though I might have to get a little hurt knowing you were married. That's fair enough for me. Sick to get sick. At least, let me first feel what it's like to be left married again by a loved one."

I'm resigned. Although heavy I still have to take it off with sincerity. Married a good man who loved her so much that she even relented in order to make Indah never be alone again.

I prefer their marriage this is a fitting reply for me that was once so easy to marry Nadine when Indah was still lying in a coma. Isn't what I did earlier worse??

"I'm sorry." she said then after a few times I saw her sighing heavily.

"Live as long as you can. To him. It's okay if I have to wait a little longer. Even if maybe God gave you a miracle to recover from your illness and there was never another chance for me to be with him again, then at least I would die peacefully because I knew,,, I know, I know,,,he's with a decent man. Together with the person who also loves him even more than my love."

Rodie nodded though slowly. I know he hasn't been able to accept my rejection but I hope he can rethink it.

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...I'm double up, yeah, good night. Author ngantuk 🥴🥱...

...With love,...

... Authors....