I Am No King's

Chapter 211 – Confusion

The sunlight forced its way into my eyes that still wanted to be closed. With a heavy heart, I opened my eyes and let him in.

Ah, it's morning again.

I didn't sit or even get up. For some reason, I still want to lay down in this place, next to Tasha. And, this place is the only place where I can sleep soundly without worrying about attacks.

A little while ago, after all the consciousness had gathered, I only realized that there were two people near me. To the left, across from Tasha's tomb. Without sitting or getting up from the bed, I opened my mouth.

"Emir, Inanna, since when are you here?"

"...maybe almost an hour."

The Emir did not answer. There was a little bit of a pause at the beginning.

"Come?"

"Yes, Come on."

"How much did he tell you?"

"Everything you've experienced."

"That's it...."

On the other hand, Inanna did not give an answer.

"Actually," the Emir continued. "The one who insisted on coming here was Inanna."

"Wanna?"

The Emir did not give a further response. I'm the same. Knowing we were waiting for his response, Inanna gave an answer.

"Sorry, Gin. Me, I just want to be by your side when you're sad. However, it seems..."

Inanna did not finish her speech. The Emir did not continue his usual remarks.

I understand what's on their minds. As Inanna said, the two of them must have wished me to come, seeking their hugs and comfort while being sad.

But unfortunately not. I did not come seeking tranquility from them. All I did was go and spend the night in someone's grave. In other words, what is in my mind and heart is still Tasha, not Emir or Inanna.

Right now, it's not exaggerating that I look like I'm cheating. The only thing that made Emir and Inanna not immediately angry or crying was that Tasha was gone. Yeah, correct. Because he's gone. They couldn't really get angry from still thinking about my feelings.

"Gin, maybe we've already stated that we're ready not to be number one in your heart. But, sorry, it seems, I can't fulfill it. My chest feels so tight when I see you fall asleep here in peace." The emir paused for a moment. "Inanna, is there anything you want to say?"

"I'm sorry Lugalgin. But, it seems that I am the same as Emir. I can't just take this whole thing for granted."

But you don't care about each other? Actually, I wanted to ask you that. However, I am not a person without feelings and insensitive. I'm not gonna ask him.

The Emir and Inanna can accept each other because they have the same background, people who are not suitable in the royal family. Their time as my future wife is also not too far away, maybe 1 or 2 months. So, they had the chance to get to know each other while trying to be my wife.

On the other hand, Tasha has been in my life for a long time. The difference with them may have been a decade. I don't know, I'm not sure either. And, most importantly, they didn't know Tasha. Not knowing her, it was difficult for them to understand Tasha. I think it's also what makes them angry when they find out I've been sleeping with Lacuna. Because they don't know Lacuna.

Right now, there's only one thing I can do.

"I'm sorry, Emir. I'm sorry, Inanna. I'm really sorry."

　

　

***

~Inanna POV~

　

　

"Hello, mother?"

[Yes, what's up Inanna? You don't usually call this early in the morning. Oh, there's an Emir too. What's the matter?]

Actually, I really wanted to help and ease the burden of Lugalgin's mind. To be honest, I have no experience with men. I'm not even sure of my feelings. So I thought about calling my mom. Beside me was an Emir. We both made video calls.

I put the smartphone on the side table of the room and let the mother projection appear on the wall.

[I don't see Lugalgin anywhere. What was? You quarreling?]

"I'm not sure I can say this is a fight. Actually...."

I told you a little bit about Lugalgin's past, especially Tasha and the orphanage kids. Actually, I'm not sure if Lugalgin allowed me to tell anyone about this. However, as far as I can remember, Lugalgin never forbade it. And again, I'm doing this for the sake of all of our relationships, for our good. So, in my opinion, this is the best way.

[He actually slept in the tomb?]

"Yes, right aunt. Lugalgin actually slept in the tomb."

[Then, where is he now?]

"Lugalgin's going to the armory, ma'am. He said he wanted to check the weaponry. Though I'm sure it's just an excuse."

[Yes, of course that's just an excuse. If I hear his actions, from your stories, Lugalgin seems to feel guilty. However, he himself has not been able to give up the death of this woman named Tasha. Well, I can understand if I hear his past.]

I've guessed. My mother also thought so. Inevitably, we can only understand.

[So, how are you feeling? Are you sad? Getting angry? Or what?]

We, me and the Emir, fell silent. We throw each other a glance. Without saying anything, somehow, I can already understand what the Emir has in mind.

"Honestly, aunt, I'm confused."

[OK, Emir is confused. What about you, Inanna?]

"Sama, I'm confused too." I'm responding. "When I saw Lugalgin sleeping in the tomb with swollen eyes, my chest felt so tight. I don't know why, I wanted to scream and cry. At first, I thought angry and disappointed that Lugalgin had someone else in his heart. However, after breakfast and thinking for a moment, I was not sure anymore."

[Not sure? Why?]

"I don't know, ma'am. I don't know."

[Then let me tell you. Because right now the target of your anger and disappointment, you, are not Lugalgin, but yourself.]

"...."

Me and Emir were silent for a moment, throwing glances at each other.

"Ourselves? What does aunt mean?"

[Let me explain. You might think the thing that makes your chest tight is the anger and disappointment in Lugalgin who prefers to vent his sorrow on Tasha's tomb. However, the truth is, you are angry at yourself for not being able to be the one who can calm Lugalgin down when he is sad.]

Mother continued, [i mean, your rival is a woman who was killed maybe about five or six years ago, right? He's not around anymore. The only thing that could calm Lugalgin down in the tomb was his memory with the woman. There's nothing else. On the other hand, you guys are still alive, still able to give Lugalgin warmth and hugs, but still lose? If you are not angry and disappointed in yourself, I will be angry and disappointed in you.]

Seriate

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Hello everybody.

Back, the author wants to thank the likes, comments, and support of the readers. All of this support means a lot to Author. For those who want to see the illustration, can check in ig @renigad.sp.author.

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See you in the next chapter