Assalamu'Alaikum Love

Anxiety Brother Prinka

Fazas

“However, congratulations on your wedding.” despite the doubts, I dare to raise my face and find out what kind of expression is being put on by the man sitting in front of me and the Gibran mas at the moment.

“Sorry because you can only come at night like this. Sorry also for interrupting your rest.” he said again with great regret as if visiting the home of a couple who had just carried out a marriage contract at night was a big mistake.

“Thank you, mas.” My words don't go away either. He took a deep breath and tried to smile at the man.

After what happened to us a month and a half ago, it felt like there was no way that I could still be ordinary with this man. Although she currently considers me to be the wife of her own friend, there is still a sense of obstruction when we accidentally met our gaze before I lowered my head to avoid that gaze.

Arifin's son, the man who proposed to me a few months ago, but finally gave up and canceled our wedding plans a month before the date of the marriage contract.

Half an hour ago, when I had just finished praying and Gibran also just returned from the mosque, the Apocalypse knocked on the door of our room and told me and Gibran that Arifin came to visit.

“Arifin?” ask Gibran no less surprised when he just opened the door of my room and Wahyu mas still standing in the doorway awkwardly. Well, there is no man who is not awkward when it comes to knocking on the door of the newlyweds room on their first night. Although actually what I did with Gibran in the room was just packing the things I'd bring to his house tomorrow morning.

“Together with Burhan sir. Mas Arifin said he wanted to meet the two of you.” is obviously the Revelation again that makes me go from the side of the bed and approach the Gibran mas. “But if you are not pleased to meet, let me tell mas Arifin if you have rest.”

“Let me see Arifin in a moment.” said mas Gibran at last after taking a deep breath and closing the door of the room after the Wahyu mas nod and passed.

I also realized that Gibran also felt what I was feeling right now. There is something in our hearts, but we are too difficult to express it.

“Mas,” originally thought Gibran would be upset that my ex-husband visited on the night of our wedding. But again my mind missed because this man actually smiled thinly and touched the side of my face.

“It's okay, maybe Arifin mas did come to visit.”

“Not so,” and I still have trouble saying what I really want to say even though currently Gibran is patiently waiting for me to continue my sentence that is grumbling. “But..”.

“Darling, I know you're worried about both of us. But really, we are not children who will scratch each other like two enemies who are reunited.” As if understanding my turmoil, Gibran gently pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head repeatedly. “Did you know that three years ago I met Arifin in Malang?” connect Gibran who made me frown despite not intending to take off my husband's embrace.

“Malang?”

“Iya, at that time I was conducting a monitoring and evaluation of my research with professor Himawan in Malang, and I met with Arifin who was then an assistant professor of Erik. So let's just say that tonight I met an old friend.”

And how the world isn't as wide as I thought it was. So Gibran and Arifin met three years ago? But even so, can I if I have to see the Arifin mas without remembering what the three of us have been through these few months?

“May I come see mas Arifin?” I was timid and unconsciously hugged Gibran. Of course I was afraid even though I actually knew that Gibran would not be angry just because I wanted to go to see Arifin mas. I was afraid that my husband would misunderstand my request. “I want to apologize to mas Arifin.”

“We meet mas Arifin together.”

And I couldn't look back at Arifin without remembering how the man looked at my house and saying that he had cancelled our wedding plans. I could not look at Arifin Putra without feeling as guilty as when I realized that the man had been standing behind me the night I confessed my feelings to Gibran. I felt I had hurt Arifin's feelings and made the man take a decision he didn't really want to take.

“And sorry for everything that happened these past few months, mas.” My embrace while looking down and linking my two hands on the lap.

“With you apologizing for everything that happened between the three of us you are blaming God, Za.”

“Mas,”

“Didn't God really want everything to be like this? Even before the three of us were born into the world, God was already decrying the events of today. Just as God recorded that you were a match with Gibran, not with me. So stop feeling guilty and we start everything from scratch.” And Arifin was wise enough not to bring up what has happened to us in the last few months and ask me to forget about it. Makes me only able to take a deep breath and try to make my senses describe if everything that happens is God's will. We, men are only able to work while God determines. That simple.

“Let me from now on consider you as the wife of my good friend, Za. And really, I'm really happy with your marriage.”

“Rif,”

“And sorry if these last two weeks I didn't answer your phone, mas. Not because of anything, but there are some things I have to take care of in the office and it almost drives me crazy.”

Although as hard as that mas Arifin tried not to show it, but still me and Gibran mas still able to realize that at this time mas Arifin is trying not to show his anger.

“Then I beg you to resign, mas. Once again thank you for coming to visit tonight.”

It's true that what happened was about the three of us, it's just that it didn't feel right to sit in the living room with a man who wasn't my mahram. That's why I chose to move on from the side of Gibran and let my husband talk about what he really should talk about with Mas Arifin.

Is it not from today that responsibility for me has become his responsibility? After all, it would only be a slander if I sat there with Mas Arifin even though beside me sat the Gibran mas who is my own husband.

Let Allah heal the pain that Arifin felt and soften the heart of Gibran. Let all that happens be a lesson to the three of us that by this God wants to teach us to accept and accept freely the destiny that He wrote for us.

__________

I had just put my agenda book on a small table beside my bed when the door opened and Gibran came into my room.

“Mas Arifin is home, and Mr. Burhan sends greetings to you.”

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared and worried that Gibran would be mad at me once he got into the room. Of course I was afraid he would be angry because after all Arifin is my ex-husband who once proposed to me and planned a wedding with me. That's why I chose to shut up and watch Gibran change his clothes before crawling up on the bed and sitting next to me.

“You're not angry, mas?” my question made Gibran squint his eyes and look at me.

“Anged because what?”

“Entahlah, just feel that mas will be angry with me because suddenly mas Arifin visit tonight.”

“From,” but instead of being as angry as I thought, Gibran asked me to come closer and pull me into his arms. Again sending out warm rays when our bodies were not at a distance and I could hear his regular heartbeat. “Mas is not angry, but mas jealous because anyway mas Arifin is a man who has proposed to you. Mas male and understand very well that mas Arifin still loves you even though he is currently trying to mengikhlaskan you to be a wife mas.”

“Sorry, mas.” So that's not just my feeling? I don't know how many times I'll hurt someone. “Sorry for hurting you both so much.”

“Darling, how many times must I say that all this is not your fault.” gently mas Gibran shrank my tears with his thumb. “There is nothing wrong between the three of us. Let everything happen as it should. Are we not as human beings only able to live out what has become His scenario?”

“For God's sake, mas. There is not the slightest feeling of love for Arifin mas even though she once proposed to me and planned a wedding with me.” Yes, because from the beginning the only man who fascinated me and made me feel comfortable was Gibran Wibisana. There's nothing else.

“Yes, I know that you have never loved Arifin.”

“Know where?” I asked strangely while wiping the tip of my nose that felt itchy because of the snot that came out of my nose.

“Because if you love Arifin mas, you won't let her cancel your wedding plans ‘ right? And obviously you will also never admit your feelings to the mas if you really love the Arifin mas. Isn't that right?” suddenly my face warmed up as Gibran stared at me so closely and I remembered the night I cried like a stupid girl in the parking lot after confessing my feelings to Gibran.

“If I remember being ashamed of myself, mas. Surely of the many beautiful girls who have expressed feelings for you, I am included in the list of girls at least potential to be made a wife by a man like Gibran.” And I don't know what's so funny about my words that Gibran had to laugh like that before he pulled back and hugged me tightly. It made my body shake because of that laugh.

“Not really, ah.”

“Long,”

“Mas don't lie, baby. It is true that you are the only girl who confesses her feelings to the mas in the campus parking lot.”

“Tuh ‘kan.”

“But you are also the only girl who makes mas unable to turn away even since the first time mas saw you. You're the only girl you want, but you don't want to touch. Not because mas does not like you, but because mas want to get you in a noble way.”

“Mas,”

“Since the beginning I wanted you. Not for mas make a girlfriend, but for mas make a wife and backup every time mas feel tired.” For the first time in months, this is the first time I have seen Gibran not as my lecturer, but as another. “It sounds like I'm bragging to you, but really, I've never felt this confident and happy.”

“Everything should be this simple. As simple as we met in Blora four years ago and reunited four years later. As simple as meeting after meeting that unknowingly makes the feeling of mas attached to you. It is also as simple as a mas that keeps going until we arrive at this point.”

And I think things will always be easy and simple when Allah guides every servant He wills. As simple as Gibran said about our meetings. Meeting after meeting which also unconsciously made my heart adrift on him and ended with me confessing what I felt towards this man. As simple as I choose to confess even though I don't really want to do it.

But, is it not that if God has the will to betroth two hearts, then He will also move both and not just one? Just as God moved my heart to confess and God moved Gibran's heart to propose to me even though at that time he knew that by proposing to me it was the same as he ignited the fire of anger in me. But again Allah is so good that it eases the way for both of us to get married to avoid slander.

‘Whoever marries has completed half of his religion. And let him fear Allah in the care of the other half (H.R Thabrani and Judge)

And what other favors of God can I deny when my life has been so beautiful? When I found a man who glorified me as a woman. When I was able to keep my honor and only give it to my husband. And when I was able to be a perfector for religion a man who shook my father's hand and took over responsibility for me from him.

And which of Allah's blessings I can deny when in the Qur'an Allah has spoken thirty-one times with the same word and repeated with the same meaning. Is not Allah so generous that He repeats his word only so that men may remember and be grateful?

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