Assalamu'Alaikum Love

Different Aura

Gibran

Almost ten minutes, and like no one wants to start a conversation first between the two of us. I am still waiting for what the man before me will say, which is none other than Arifin Putra, while the man who is weighing the sentence he wants to say to me.

After what happened between me and Faza the other day in the college courtyard and the fact that I knew that Arifin Putra was the future husband of Faza, there's no way I can still see Arifin as an old friend. Not that I considered Arifin an enemy who had taken Faza away from me, only that I could not see Arifin and considered that man to be my old friend unshadowed by Faza's cry that afternoon. That's why I chose to be quiet and wait until Arifin opened her voice and told me why she asked me to meet her at the coffee shop this afternoon.

“What do you really want to say, Rif?” my question is also because I can not stand our situation.

Half an hour ago, when I had just stepped out of the faculty office and was about to go home, a line of unfamiliar numbers called and made me frown cluelessly. Just for a moment, before that frown changed into an emotion that even I myself had a hard time translating when the caller mentioned his name. Asking me to meet him at the coffee shop where we last met without making small talk asking for news, or just finding out if I was busy or not.

“There's a lot I want to talk to you about, mas.” And Arifin's reply did not fail to make me smile wryly and reach for the cup in front of me. Sipping it slowly to unravel the anger I was feeling.

I knew that Arifin's goal was to invite me to a coffee shop this afternoon not just to have a coffee together like we said before. The reason why we sat facing each other like this was because of an incident in the parking lot the other day. There's nothing else.

“Don't beat around the bush, Rif.” No, I'm not upset because I'm currently dealing with the man who will be Faza's husband. But it feels like something is pissing me off half to death every time my eyes find Arifin's calm face.

“I cancelled our wedding plans.” His speech was flat after breathing out many times and made me frown. Of course I frowned hearing Arifin say that so lightly as if he had just canceled an order of fried rice on the waiter who approached him.

“Indeed it sounds awful, but I think this is the best decision I can make.” He said, with a faint smile and returned my gaze after a while, Arifin was busy observing the street in front of the shop from the window beside her.

“You said such a thing as if you were telling me that next week you're off visiting my house, Rif.”

“I know better what I feel, mas.” Reply Arifin as if I have said something wrong and very upset him. The man even looked at me so sharply as if I had stolen one of his two precious kidneys.

“Don't mas Gibran think I'm not hurt by this decision.” he continued in a more friendly tone than before.

And Arifin's change of emotions since then was enough to make me realize and understand that Arifin Putra was not happy to cancel her wedding plans with Faza.

“Why did you do it?” but in fact, it is not only Arifin who has the most beautiful emotions this afternoon. Even so with me who with all my strength held back so that my hand did not move out of control and hit Arifin's face. The fact that Arifin so easily said that his wedding plans with Faza had been canceled made me think that Arifin had been so demeaning to the dignity of Faza Aulia.

“You went to his family, planned a wedding with him, and then you so lightly told me that you canceled the wedding plans. Tell me, Rif. What kind of a man are you?” my connection was filled with emphasis that made Arifin snort and sip the coffee of his order which he had just ignored.

“You asked me what kind of man? I'm not as good as I look, but at least I'm not as fucked as what Gibran thinks right now.”

Now I'm starting to think, if only me and Arifin weren't two people who knew each other and had met three years ago, what would our conversation be like this afternoon? Ah, maybe there will be a fistfight between me and this man.

“I love Faza, though I don't know which one of us loves him more. It's just that I know enough myself that Faza doesn't love me at all.” This time Arifin again laughed wryly before continuing his sentence. “Not, even since the beginning Faza never liked me a little stuff.”

“You canceled your wedding plans because you heard Faza's confession to me?”

“I think you guys are a match, mas. Faza also asked me the same thing.”

“Rif.!”

“If only Gibran was at my post. If only Gibran had watched with his own eyes as Faza confessed his feelings for me, what would Gibran do? What kind of decision will you make when you see a girl you love crying and confessing her feelings to another man while you're getting married soon?”

So because of Faza's confession the other day. Is that how much of a mistake we've made until the universe punishes us like this? Then, who else should I blame here other than myself for the situation that ensnared me and tortured Faza? Who else should I blame but myself for all this mess? If only then had I not held Faza back and not asked about him, would all still be fine? Again, I regret something that happened in my past.

“If you really love Faza, you shouldn't cancel your wedding. Don't you understand that your decision made Faza hurt, Rif? How far do you understand Faza until you make a decision this big?”

“I told you ‘kan mas if I don't want to hurt Faza too deep? Faza loves you. Then how can I marry a girl who has tethered her heart to another man, mas?”

And two seconds later I realized that right now I really look like a man who's been destroying other people's relationships.

“Confession it's just last wind, Rif. Didn't you realize it? Why would Faza accept your proposal if he didn't love you? Can't you think that far?” I took off my glasses with a huff and before rubbing my face with both hands.

Really, I really don't understand this man's way of thinking before me. I do love Faza, but I have absolutely no intention of being a hindrance to the girl's marriage to Arifin Putra.

“That means Gibran mas who has not really understood, Faza.”

“Sorry?”

“If Gibran did understand what Faza Aulia was like, he should understand that what Faza said the other day was not the wind. Gibran should understand that a girl like Faza will not be that easy to confess her feelings to a man.”

“Faza loves you, mas. And the only reason why Faza accepted my proposal was because he didn't want to disappoint his brother.” Follow Arifin who seems to weigh the words in his head before choosing to be quiet.

“I want to marry Faza, mas. I want to keep Faza as my wife, as my halal lover. It's just, I'm not the man that Faza wants to be her husband.”

“And you want to hand Faza to me because the girl has confessed her feelings to me?” I asked without hesitation because I myself was completely at a loss for all the words Arifin said to me. “That low was Faza in your eyes, Rif?”

“If I keep marrying Faza, then what kind of marriage will we live, mas? Should I wait until Faza can love me and his feelings for you can fade?” Until now, I haven't even really understood the feelings Faza had told me the other day.

I knew if all Faza told me was just a wind then, then there was no way the girl would cry like that. Really, there is no sense of just the wind that makes us tormented like this. But hearing all of Arifin's alibis about canceling her wedding plans with Faza did not necessarily make me get up and go to the girl's family at her house.

“While I can't make Faza fall in love with me, at least I didn't make Faza hurt by having to hang out at the bar with me.”

“Without you realizing you've hurt his feelings, Rif.”

“And the wound will heal when Faza has been with you, mas.” Letting go of someone I love to be with someone else, if only we switched positions, can I let go like Arifin did?

“Please don't think of Faza as the cheap girl I gave you because I don't want to have her, mas. By Allah, Faza is the most awake girl I have ever met so far.” I know very well there is something so big that is currently bothering Arifin and smothering this man's chest. I could feel it from every sentence he said so heavily.

“Please replace me guarding Faza, mas. Please take care of my pearl.”

“You want me to marry Faza?”

Actually, without asking me like that - I already understood if the intent of everything Arifin told me was that Arifin wanted me to propose to Faza and replace him as a groom. But I don't think any man can take Arifin's intentions and requests for granted without asking what's really inside this man's head.

“Really Rif, how can you humiliate Faza to this extent?”

“Please stop thinking that I'm looking down on Faza's self-esteem, mas.!” Arifin did not scream, but I felt a very strong emphasis from his sentence. “I respect him as much as I respect my mother and sister. Doesn't Gibran think this is the path God chose for the three of us? If Faza and I were meant to be a couple, there's no way I'm sitting in front of you and talking at length like this.”

Again it was like an invisible hand slapped me so hard in the face as I thought of Arifin's words. About all that we experienced that could not be separated from the interference of God in it. About everything that would not have happened without His permission including when Arifin called me and asked me to speak together in this place. My common sense may indeed be a little problematic until I neglect to think about such an important thing.

“How about the Faza family?” ask me in the end. Giving up on continuing to debate Arifin about the decision he took.

“It was very angry when I found out I cancelled our wedding plans because I knew that Faza had confessed his feelings to Gibran.”

“Faza admits all that to his family?”

“And by the end of this semester Faza was asked by abah to return to Blora.”

“What?”

This time I almost screamed if I could not remember many people visiting this coffee shop. What does Arifin mean by ‘requested to return’?

“Faza requested a college leave after this semester and you will send it to Blora. To the boarding house where it used to go mondok.”

“For God's sake, Rif. It was not Faza who was guilty of that confession.! She wouldn't admit it if I didn't hold her back and ask about the man who preached her. Shouldn't have him punished to this extent.”

Yes, it feels unfair when a girl who only confesses her feelings to a man must then be punished by being exiled in a boarding school. While there are so many girls out there who even violate religious norms by committing adultery with the opposite sex, they are left to roam around. It doesn't seem fair that Faza should be removed just because of his knowledge of me while the girl never even once came into contact with the opposite sex, including me.

“That's why I'm talking to you like this, mas. I want Gibran to meet my brother and ask for his blessing to marry Faza.”

“Married is not that easy, Rif.”

“Crue. But would Gibran want to lose Faza a second time because he would be exiled to Blora in three weeks? At least meet his family, sir. Please talk to me and tell me that you love Faza and will look after him.”

Tried to go to Faza's family and begged for his blessing to ask for the girl. How deeply has that desire been ingrained in my heart even long before today.

I would love to come to the Faza family in a respectable manner and pick up the girl in a noble manner. But my question now is, will the Faza family accept the man who has been the cause of their daughter's marriage to Arifin Putra?

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