Assalamu'Alaikum Love
Answers to Love
Fazas
Either this is my feeling or the day is passing faster than I thought. It feels like just yesterday I found Gibran and Rudi sitting in the living room with my brother and mother. It also felt like it was just yesterday when me, Gibran mas and I went to KUA together, and I was worried about him half-dead because the man left for Jakarta without my sepengatahuan. But in fact, everything has passed until without me knowing, tomorrow morning my wedding and Gibran mas will be held in my house.
And I thought, since tonight's event was only filled with a simple recitation of my house attended by the neighbors, my feelings wouldn't be this big. I think my feelings will be as ordinary as when Nanda and her mother visited my house this afternoon.
“It feels really hard to believe that soon you will get married, deck. Like just yesterday mas drove you to Blora to start mondok.”
And that's the phrase in Revelation that he said last night he was dropping off a wedding dress that I was going to put on in the room. At that time I was still so amazed by the white wedding dress that looked so beautiful that I did not pay attention to the phrase in Revelation. I ignored my older brother's lines and was busy observing every detail of the wedding dress I was going to wear tomorrow morning.
But at this time, while I was still sitting on the prayer mat after the prayer suddenly my feelings just popped up like I could no longer bear it. Either because the atmosphere is so melancholy with nasyid-nasyid played by young cadets in front of my house, or because the voices of the neighboring mothers who began to busy preparing for the event tonight. It made me repeatedly sigh deeply to at least make my feelings more restrained.
“That's her groom-to-be? Who wears that batik shirt?”
“Not the one who wears batik clothes, the groom who wears glasses it.”
“Tightly once, match with beautiful Faza.”
Again my feelings were more and more unsettled when from next to my room there was a chat from the fathers who also attended the lecture tonight. Yes, tonight's event is a lecture where Gibran and I must both attend the event even though we will be separated in different places. And the chatter of the fathers beside my room talking about Gibran made me even more nervous.
“Nduk,” I even almost jumped from where I was sitting because I was so nervous when someone opened my room door and found me standing there.
“Yes, bah?”
“Aready? Mas Gibran and his entourage have arrived and the guests are also ready.” Obviously, after sitting on the edge of my bed and watching me who was tidying up the face and prayer that I had just put on.
While instead of answering the question, I took a deep breath before sitting next to my brother and watching the man's goal.
“Bah,” mulaiku with a doubtful tone. I even played the tip of the hijab I wore to ease my nervousness. “What if later Za can not be a good wife for Gibran mas? What if later Za can't be such a gentle and loving mother?” I can't deny the fact that I'm worried about it, even since I, my brother and Gibran registered our marriage to KUA last week.
About what if I couldn't be a good wife to my husband.
About how it would be if later I still acted like a selfish little boy even though I was married.
“You will know it after you live it, nduk.” Gently touched the top of my head and smiled faintly. It felt like there was something you wanted to tell me, but it was stuck at the end of its own tongue. “But as long as you live it, you also have to keep learning how to be a good wife. A wife who is possessed by her husband and God. Because after you become a wife, your husband's ridho also means God's ridho.”
“For after the witnesses said that your marriage was valid, then your responsibility to yourself passed from abah to Gibran. Fully born and inner.”
“Change,” and in the end I could not hold the heat in my eyes and let it incarnate into tears.
“But do not worry, even though the responsibility for yourself is no longer in your hands, you are still responsible for your marriage with Gibran. For the brother who married you and the brother who became your guardian.”
“In order to accept Gibran application not because of forced ‘kan, bah?” I finally asked my brother. Because from the beginning I always thought that you accepted Gibran's application the other day because I could not bear to see me crying and squirming in front of him. Really, I don't want to bless our marriage because it was forced.
I didn't realize when I was hugging you so protectively. I just know that I've been crying in my arms and repeatedly thanking this man.
“Obey Gibran as you obey abah. Remind each other in kindness. God willing, God promise you heaven.” Continue while kissing the top of my head and whispering a series of prayers in such reverence. This is someone who is trying to be honest with himself.
This is the brother who was feeling heavy to release his daughter and hand her over to a man who will shake his hand tomorrow morning and say the ijab qabul with him. Ijab qabul which is an essential sign that the responsibilities of the daughter he has been guarding have been transferred to the shoulders of her daughter's husband. To his son-in-law.
“Faza babe abah.”
“For God's sake, abah also dear Faza.”
Tonight, for the umpteenth time I was unable to hold back tears throughout the lecture. Hearing the sound of the holy verses of the Quran recited so tartil from behind the curtain that became a barrier between men and women tonight. Starting from the abah who read the letter of An-Nuur, Gibran mas read the letter At-Taubah so tartil that made me unable to speak and only able to bow and wipe my tears many times.
‘And among the signs of His power is that He created for you wives of your own kind, that you might tend and be at peace to him, and made Him among you of love and affection. Verily in this are signs for those who think.’ (Qur’an 30;21)
My voice even sounded hoarse due to sobs when it was my turn to read Ar-Ruum's letter after my brother and Gibran finished their turn. Even mother repeatedly wiped the tears that kept coming down my face with her thumb. But I know that my cry tonight is not the cry of sorrow that I cried and rested in front of my brother three weeks ago. This is the cry of happiness of a daughter who is trying to live the verses of Allah with her heart. This is the cry of a daughter who begins to realize that being a daughter is the most basic gift she gets from Him.
“The fool is already written, will not be exchanged. Everyone already has their own soul mate.” The pieces of the lecture that Ummi Haidar gave to his students a few years ago were turned back inside my head.
Lectures about the soul mate who was still in through the left ear and out through my right ear. Lectures before dawn which at that time was still not able to defeat my drowsiness so often I fell asleep in the corner of the mosque until several times Ainun pulled my face just so I opened my eyes. The lecture that I had a few years ago was still ignored, but now it is like a very valuable tip for me.
“What then becomes our test is how we pick up our soul mate. Different ways, different blessings too. The more noble how to pick a soul mate, the more blessed our soul mate.”
If only this time there was ummi Haidar, I would ask him if my way of picking up a mate was right? Is my way of picking up my soul mate able to bring His blessing to my marriage later?
“And for a woman, there is no no noblest way to pick a mate except to look after yourself and honor as a woman. Has not Allah said in the Quran that good women are only for good men and vice versa? So, continue to be a sholihah woman until one day you are found by a man sholeh.”
“Ummi, what honor of a woman is determined by the man who accompanies her?” even the question from Ziya, one of my cottage friends was back in my head. The question I heard again half-heartedly before Ainun dragged me to the bath to fetch water.
“Of course not.” for this part, when ummi Haidar answered Ziya's question, I who just returned from the bathroom frowned because I did not agree on Ummi Haidar's answer. “The glory of a woman is not determined by the men who accompany her.”
“How can it be, umm?”
“God puts the names of two noble women in the Quran. Maryam and Asiyah. Of course we know that Maryam is the holy woman of Prophet Jesus' mother ‘alaihissalam and not married. While Asiyah was the wife of a very ungodly human being, FIR’aun. Does that status diminish their glory? Of course not.”
And it took me years to really understand the real meaning of the pre-dawn lecture that Ummi Haidar gave us. It took years for my common sense to be able to explain that the glory of a woman is not determined by the man who accompanies her, but the glory of a man is determined by the woman who accompanies him. The more noble a wife is, the more a man begins. That's why we've always been taught to be sholihah women. So that one day we may glorify ourselves, and glorify the man who is our companion.
‘The world is jewelry, and the best jewelry is women shalihah.’
(H.R. Muslim)
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