Assalamu'Alaikum Love

Question Mark

Gibran

Aida Restanti

For the umpteenth time I spell a name on a piece of wood in my right hand. Touch it with your thumb and feel every letter imprinted on the small wood carved so beautifully. One of the two memories Aida left me with besides the feeling that was still stored so neatly in one corner of my heart.

I remember when Aida and I acted like 18-year-olds when we decided to make two wooden pendulum with carvings of our own names. It was a month after I officially made Aida my lover and a few months before I decided to propose to the girl. While we were visiting the city of Jepara for fieldwork lecture activities and visiting the woodworking industry.

At that time, Aida was actually not required to follow the MPA because the MPA ration for his force was still next year. It's just that, somehow Aida was so excited to come along when I said that I would follow the activities of the MPA to Semarang and stop by Jepara.

“Why should wood anyway, Da? Why not just ring?” my much at that time. At first I wanted to engrave our names on the pair of rings we were going to wear. It's just that Aida rejected it on the grounds that wearing a couple's ring at the age of our courtship of just one month is really not a good idea.

“The ring is tomorrow only if you are married.” Aida replied casually as she continued to observe the carver who was carving my name on a piece of teak wood.

When girls her age are so excited by the offer of a ring to be ‘couple stuff’ with her partner, Aida is obsessed with teak wood.

“After all why do we have teak? All wood is the same ‘kan?”

“Different, mas.” Aida even clucked in annoyance before returning a smile as she accepted the engraving of her order and observed it with a satisfied smile. “Where can teak wood be equated with jabon wood? They are similar, but not the same.” he continued while walking slowly down the alley to get to the place where our bus parked.

“Wait, you are studying economics major ‘kan? Why can you understand what is teak and what is jabon?” my question was that the return made Aida cluck upset and pinched my waist with anxiety. It made me laugh so hard that some craftsmen who were working along the alley turned towards the two of us.

“You love oot anyway, mas?”

“Yes yes, darling. Pardon us. Then, you haven't answered my question, why does it have to be teak?”

“Because in Jepara the number of teak, sih.” This time I was half-deadly anxious to hear Aida's reply and pinched the girl's cheek. “Yes yes, not because of that. But because I think teak wood is special.” Started Aida while giving a wood carving bearing her name to me while she kept the wood with my name engraving.

“That teak wood took decades to produce good quality wood, mas. Just like love, to stay durable, we must maintain it well even though it takes decades. After that, the love will last even to heaven.” The connection that made me silent for a while until at the end I just laughed in response to Aida's sentence. Again making the girl tickle dislike and pinch my waist once again.

“You should have studied forestry, Da. Don't economy.”

But really, I had absolutely no intention of laughing at Aida and all her philosophies about teak wood and the feelings we call love. My heart even warmed to hear Aida's words, until I was at a loss for the words I wanted to say to the girl.

“If you are still here, do we also still keep that love together until this second, Da?” my whisper nelangsa itself. I didn't even realize when my eyes started to heat up until the heat had transformed into a cry I couldn't endure. Dropping a wood carving bearing Aida's name right beside me and feeling my chest tight. If only I had heard Aida's philosophy about teak wood by now, it was certain that I wouldn't have laughed in response to the girl.

“You must be angry if you know I can be this weak, Da.”

Sometimes I think about what Aida would have told me if only six years ago the girl was given the opportunity to say some things to me before she finally left for all eternity. About what message Aida would tell me if she wasn't around.

Is the girl going to ask me to stick with her every time, or ask me to find a replacement?

Ah, but again sometimes life is not as friendly as I thought so far. Aida left without even saying anything to me. Nor did the girl signal me anything before her departure. It all just happened until the moment I found my senses, Aida had been gone from me forever.

“I'm heartbroken again, Da.”

I knew that I shouldn't be like this just because the girl I wanted to ask for turned out to have a husband. No grown man like me should be raving like an 18-year-old because of a broken heart. But, just this time, I want to act like this. At least until the pain that I felt was a little less.

Although in the end it took me up to a week more so that I could sort out my feelings a little each time I stepped out my door and drove my car to campus.

The thought that I was going to meet Faza unabashedly made me mess up on my own. One week, and I haven't been able to control myself at all every time I have to fill out a course in Faza's class. Even at the meeting last Thursday I chose to give the task of group discussion because I could not stand the anger that I felt when several times my gaze and Faza met for a while.

Well, actually not meeting accidentally, but I can't help but look at the girl every few minutes.

I wonder what happened to Faza after I left him in the parking lot that afternoon.

I wanted to ask what happened to her and Arifin after that afternoon. I also actually wanted to ask Faza about the news and apologize to him for all the mess I did. Merely, my words were always stuck on the tip of the tongue every time I met the girl.

And in the end, all I could do was look at Faza from a distance and make sure that the girl was okay.

“Why do you look sad like that, my love?”

My lover. I don't know why I was so brave to acknowledge Faza as my lover while I knew very well that the girl already had a potential husband who was none other than my own old friend. I don't know where I call Faza my lover despite the fact that I don't even have a gap to make that girl my halal lover. All I know is, I just want to do it. I wanted to call Faza Aulia my lover even if it was only for myself.

At least, until I find a girl who can replace the position of Faza like Faza replace Aida.

“Do not be sad, God will always bestow his happiness on you.”

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