A FOOL! WHEN ARE WE GONNA MEET?

Mind Spending

I turned off the light because it was too bright because I always felt uncomfortable sleeping with the bright lights. My body is tired, but somehow it is very difficult to rest in peace, what is possible because every time I come home this never sleeps at night, to make it a habit when at home?

Because my eyes were still lazy to sleep, I decided to sit in front of the window, staring at the beautiful night sky decorated with thousands of stars in the sky, as well as a very charming crescent moon. Usually, I always look at the moon when I miss Ain, when we have to ldr for a few days even weeks, even weeks, usually we were in long distance contact because I had to go out of town to take care of some of the problems that the company was experiencing. But now forever me and Ain will ldr like this, I who can only look at the night sky while longing for his figure in my days.

If the turbulence happened this afternoon sank the plane I was riding in the Java sea, maybe now I and Ain can meet. But whatever my day, the turbulence this afternoon is not a very dangerous disaster, because the sky connecting the two islands is not too dangerous when the weather is bad. Although there is a possibility that the plane I was riding in this afternoon will take its toll, but somehow I feel sure if my life is still not going to be finished that easily.

"Looks like God still regrets my life which is only this small." I muttered looking at the beautiful night sky from the second floor of the house.

I always count the number of celestial objects that pass by, when I was a child I often say as stars pass by. A beam of bright light that always flashed in the sky, which always made me wonder how many kilometers it passed within an hour? If the speed alone is just a glimpse of light passing by. What if the object fell to earth and hit the sea of Borneo? Will the island of Borneo be hit by a devastating tsunami? Or will the world end if it is hit by that thing?

I was always curious about everything, but my curiosity was killed by the answers from my brothers who heard them. They say that I'm crazy and stupid, because that's not important. I was crazy and stupid beyond what they said, because I made their words something that I had to hold and hold all my life. Honestly I feel stupid, because I can only swallow all the questions that clump together to form a tangled cassette in my head.

I want to go out into the world, to find people who have and like me right now. But whatever my day, because it was consumed by my brother's words again, I returned only to let my desire disappear covered by time that continues. It's hard to have a brother who's too rational with life, I know if they also have a lot of questions in their head, but they ignore the thought and consider it a pointless thing to question, so from there the birth of the degrading nature that they believe.

Ridiculous now that I'm questioning who I really am? Why should I be born? For what and why? Was I born only to be a comparison between my brothers? Is there not someone who can tell me, where should I go to carry myself? Can someone tell me where I am? Where am I standing? Have I chosen the right path? Should I go back on this journey?

In the past, I was so afraid of my dreams, would they destroy and still belittle? I am so afraid of those who are very close to me? Will they make me feel even more despicable? Am I the moon? Or is it just a shadow inside? Am I dust? Or is it a burning fire? Am I a water droplet? Or is it a big wave? Did I bring calm? Or did I take off the storm? Can someone tell me who I am?

Do I have a purpose in life? What is the reason for living it? Who me? Am I sure of myself? Is my existence important? In whose arms should I complain? Should I budge? Who will lead me? Or should I lose my way? Should I shout the truth? Or should you keep quiet? Should I giggle my soul with this fragility and solitude? Or break my heart to nothing? Should I cross the line? Or is it self-control? Should I keep fighting? Or just give up? Please, anyone tell me what to do with this life....

"Should I remain indifferent to myself?" I murmured in the midst of confusion

I was always silent and silent with everything, for I knew that every word that came out of my mouth would be ignored, like a beggar asking for the pity of a miser. Is it true that I am now proud and satisfied with my current self? Or am I just pretending? I also did not know what to do and how to deal with this cruel world. I hope that before death picks me up, I've found all the answers clumping like a broken tape in my head.

"Sister." call Aya my youngest sister outside the door

"Just in. Not in the key!" My heart is lazy to get up from his chair at this moment

"I entered ya.." he said and immediately entered slowly as if keeping the silence intact

" Why haven't you slept? Not going to school tomorrow?" I asked without taking my eyes off the night sky

"Tomorrow the school. but I'm a males!" He said lirih

"Why males school? You were bullied at school, right? If you want to tell a story, tell aja.mumpung again in a good mood!" I said breathing heavily

"You don't have to be shy in the family name.Why not get angry!" I said and looked at him in full search

"Emm.. promise don't get mad!" He said it scared my ring finger on his ring finger

"I fought together at school.and then got a parent's letter! But afraid to say it to mama.. later mama told the others..then later the others even angry Aya!" Said stammering

"Hahaha.you don't have to be afraid.the other one is too!" I said ruffling her hair

"But this time the problem is complicated! I was mediocre out of school." she said sadly.

"You obviously used to be the reason you had a fight with big brother!! Let me know the story!" I said sweetly asking for an explanation

"So gini brother...." Aya began to tell smoothly all the events that became the point of trouble

"..." - ".I quietly listened carefully

"... I'm so angry that it's over!" He said at the end of the story

"Your choice to fight is not to be afraid of wrong, because in the Eyes of God you are not necessarily wrong and not necessarily you are! Let's go to school tomorrow with my sister, if you're afraid of getting angry!" I said finally the suit understood the whole story of Aya

"Yes, brother? But don't tell the others." he threatened me.

"Yes! I'm sleeping there, ' '." I kicked him out.

"I'm going to sleep here..."

"You'll touch your bed a little bit. Brother will tell your problems to others!" I said strictly forbid him to sleep in my room

"Yee.. you stingy!" He said and immediately ran out of the room

I exhaled heavily once again and again, until I felt completely calm. Back when I was bullied at school, no one at home knew, because I was afraid that problems would only be responded to one eye. Although the bullying I received was not as severe as physical assault or smelled of other cruel things. Bullying in my school, usually only in the form of being ostracized from the gang in class because at that time I could not follow their luxurious lifestyle to become a material gossip that is not pleasant to hear.

If there is a bully who gets to physical assault, usually I will fight until the person who bullies me can not dwell. Because I used to love learning self-taught martial arts, just to take care of myself in case I needed it. Somehow this time the breeding case happened again to my youngest brother who was too spoiled, only Soraya who never had a case of bullying, because he could bring himself according to the trend. If I hear from Aya's explanation, the case of her bullying this time because men who like her are liked by other girls, to cause mental bullying.