A FOOL! WHEN ARE WE GONNA MEET?
Contrition
When I opened my eyes I found myself infused in one of the patient's rooms, I saw a girl, I mean her sister from Ain was sleeping in the bed of the other patient. After my recollection of Ain's sudden departure made me feel annoyed again and somehow I came back crying sobbing. I covered my face with both hands, at the moment I don't want to see this world for a while.
I was angry with myself for not knowing anything about Ain's illness. And unfortunately all this time I ate a lot of sweat and spirit Ain in search of money, which he used to entertain my days. I shouldn't have just met Ain in the first place, so that none of this would happen in my life that would later be full of regrets.
"Darling.." call a voice I know warmly.
"..." I was stunned when I opened my hand from my face
"It's not your fault! Everything was my fault from the beginning. Before meeting you, I already have this disease.so please do not blame yourself.." Ain said warmly in the ear.
"I.. why should I hallucinate about you gini anyway.." I'm upset
"Hey. baby.. I'm sorry! For not being able to keep a promise to you. as the ransom.I have met God and asked that you be immediately betrothed to a man better than me... at the time you want!" Said Ain sticking his face with mine
"Hopefully in this world I have a soul mate!" I said to cling to her hand that touched my face gently
"I'm sorry once again." he said and began to vanish from before me.
***
"Ain.." call me soft and wake up from that strange dream.
"Mom! Mah... Ruka's mom is awake!" Said Dina Ain's sister to her mother who was sitting on a chair with her hands covering her face
"Darling..you're sober!" Said he was coming to me right away
"Bak calm down first.. said the doctor must rest a lot!" Prevent Dina when I'm about to get out of bed
"Where's this?" I asked and made both of them smile
"You should rest in peace! Let tomorrow be able to take Ain to his final resting place." said the mother tried hard.
"Mom! Ain is a friend there. ikhlasin ya mbak!" Said Dina hugging me while continuing to strengthen me
"Tan! I'm sorry, because I should be the one with the aunt and not me who should be strong like this!" I said holding his hand with a smile
"..." she smiled back and shed tears
"Din! The tan! I'm sorry, 'cause it's so hard..."
"You are not troublesome really.. Aunty should be thanking you.. because thanks to you Ain so much better lately!" He said and hugged me
"Thank you a lot, ma'am! Because I made you laugh and smile happily!" Dina said and hugged me
I smiled wryly considering the shadow of Ain laughing and smiling as we were together, there were many ridiculous and happy memories with him. But I was confused, why could I be so heartless by letting her love all this time just clap one hand. I should have conveyed my feelings to her from the beginning, if I had not loved her at all, so that she could live a happier life. Without feelings and relationships full of this trick, although it is hard to admit it but I did have to say it some time ago to him.
Life is a choice, but my heart is not the right choice, because my heart cannot accept sincere feelings, because I am not ready to be hurt, although it ends up hurt like this not because of love. Maybe later I will miss the smile and every behavior of his control to me, I realize if all this time he was just acting silly in front of me a. I don't know why the universe sent you at this very wrong time and place.
It occurred to me in my head to end our relationship back then, because I was tired of deceiving my feelings and Ain's belief that I loved him too. But I was also afraid to tell Ain the truth, I was afraid that he would become a person who would withdraw from the outside life again like the first time we met. Sorry that I didn't get back at your feelings, I'm really sorry and grateful for all the happiness and warm memories you've given me.
May you be calm there, I will continue to pray for the best for you, so that you get more happiness there. But remembering a promise that would never be exactly made me upset with him, even though I knew if he meant it when he said he wanted to propose to me officially. Now that we are no longer in the same world, I hope we don't hurt each other again in the future, and I hope that a new person who has a personality like him doesn't come to life again. If it just ends up going and coming just to hurt each other like this time.
From the first moment I set up a love story, nothing would change our story in my mind, even though our beliefs were different. But who would have thought, our breakup point is not in the beliefs or blessings of our parents, but in the breath that every second accompanies your life. And why we should fall too deep in this relationship, I was wrong because I did not realize the heartache that would come to us one day.
In my hope, one day we will always join hands at all times in the fabric of holy love. But what is happening now is very unthinkable in my life, our separation turns out to be a death not a life obstacle that will be a spice in our lives. Beautiful words in time, as if vanishing instantly in the dictionary of my life which becomes the laughing stock of anyone who wants.
I had a dream that one day, when I opened my eyes in the morning I would see Ain's face and when I was about to close my eyes at night I would also look at Ain's face with a smile. Cooking Ain's favorite dishes at every meal, loving each other in every pain, and caring for the child together to age together like people. Death has no cure, now I am confused whether to blame God for the passing of Ain, the man I hoped to be my soul mate.
I was tired of having to live this competitive life alone, wanting to get married to a man who loved me as sincerely as Ain. But right now it seems like God is making my soul mate a riddle that I must search carefully among this vast pile of His people. Whether in which part of the world God hides my true soul mate, until this heart becomes increasingly immune to the name of love and liking.
