A FOOL! WHEN ARE WE GONNA MEET?

I FEEL ANGRY

The day passed in peace, everything returned to fine and returned to normal as usual. What was abnormal from today was the figure of Abah sitting casually on the back porch with Tian, what they were talking about. Although Mama can't come with Abah to see me, but it's okay as long as mama and the others there are healthy and always in good shape.

Actually yesterday me and Tian along with grandfather, will go back to my hometown. But, I felt nauseous and uncomfortable as a few seconds sat inside the helicopter that was about to take me home. Since there was no way for us to return to Kalimantan, Abah finally relented and came to my city now.

Here from behind the door, I stood silently watching Abah and her daughter-in-law talking to each other. I see no awkwardness in the relationship, probably because they are both men. The plan is Abah will stay for 3 days here, and this is the 2nd day Abah stay here. It feels like just a few hours ago Abah arrived, but why is it so soon to go home.

"Darling! You're standing there..." Tian came up to me

"Eh..." I'm confused myself

"Why? Is anything uncomfortable? Or sick..." Tian looked worried

"I'm okay!" I smiled at him

"You sit down first...!" Tian led me to sit on the chair beside Abah while he squatted in front of me while stroking my large belly

"Darling! What are you...?" I don't know why I'm embarrassed because Abah chuckles

"..." - ".Abah shut up and stroked my head slowly

"yeah! Come home in a week! Can't..." I clasped Abah's hand expectantly

"Change.." He could not speak

"Darling! He must be busy in the village... Later, we'll go home!" Persuade Tian

I can only nod with a forced smile, this is my life. Although the desire to hold Abah back from going home is very strong, my mind can control this insignificant ego. I'm tired of giving in, but I can't do anything because I don't want to be controlled by baseless selfishness. Honestly my heart now feels so sore, as in the words of a rusty, painful and painful knife.

"If so... Go to the room first! You guys continue to talk..." Pamit Abah and go

"Yes bah!" Sahut Tian kindly led Abah to the front door

"..." - ".I'm sad

"Darling! Why are you crying?"

"...." - ".I buried my face in Tian's embrace with a stifled sobbing

"Darling...." Tian continued to stroke my head gently

"I miss home..." My tears broke in Tian's embrace

In Tian's arms I shed all my longing for my home and my family there. It feels this tightness is getting sicker, because knowing abah is more concerned with the business of work in the village than I am his son who very rarely can spend time with him. Was it wrong for me to live out my dream all along? I just want to prove to everyone that I can succeed, too.

I, who was always underestimated and humbled by my brother, is now the wife of a billionaire. I am the lazy girl who can only dream, now a woman who has everything, armed only with sheer recklessness. I see, no one from my brother can match my current position. They were all successful because of the support of this lowly person, the one they had always underestimated.

I used to sit in the corner when I was gathering with my family. It must be because I avoided the words that could break my big dream. It wasn't anyone else who made me weak and had become such a jerk, but my own family. I don't like everything in there. My family, but I still can't do anything, because I'm just a kid who has a lot of debt to them.

Their upbringing always made me feel depressed, making me want to leave home. And now that God has granted me everything I want, I've really been away from my family. I also realized that everything I wanted must have a consequence, and the result was feeling neglected by the family.

"Darling! I'm going to go to the room!"

"Want me to carry?"

"No, I can walk on my own..."

"..." - ".Tian led me to the room in silence

"Darling... How if we go for a walk with Abah, this will be the last day Abah can keep you here!"

"Kalo Abah has time... I want to!"

"Darling... You're talking about it!"

"Eh... Did I say it wrong, right?"

"You're talking like Abah doesn't have time for you... I know you're sad! But don't be so bad Abah, let alone yourself!" Tian held my cheeks with both of his big hands

"Yes... Pardon me! My emotions are unstable..."

"Darling!" Tian stared deeply into my bead of eyes

"..." - ".I felt the warmth of his gaze

"You're not alone... I'm right here!"

"..." - ".I was struck by his words just now

"I hope you're happy with what you're doing now... You just need to focus on our lives now! Let the past be a memory and the future let it be a time to come... You just need to focus on today!"

"I'm happy with my choice now... But the past, always haunts my mind... I'm also tired of always remembering the past..."

"You just need to remember the beautiful memories... And don't think about the past that's making you depressed!"

"Great memories... I wish I had it..." I chuckle to myself

"I can't believe you don't have good memories..."

"I do have it... But not memories of my family!" My eyes are back in tears

"I may not know how you have survived to this day... But! You've been really great, because you can survive to this second..." Tian clenched tightly onto my body

"You know? All this time I've survived only because I expected death..."

"Darling... Don't talk..." Tian's sentence came to a halt as his eyes stared at my empty eyes

"Every moment, every second... I always thought about suicide, I wanted to end it all... But... I can't do it, it all makes me even more depressed..." I screamed angry

"Darling..." Tian hugged me tightly back

"But... But after the same marriage you all thought that crazy had disappeared... I had a dream about our happy life... Laughter-filled days, raising our children lovingly... But everything blurred from my mind, just because of a bittersweet memory!"

"..." - ".Tian was silent and continued to provide warmth with his embrace

"I'm back to consciousness... Anyhow I try to be happy... They will all ignore me... All the effort I put in felt so futile in the fight..."

"Everything is not ignoring you... They all care about you, baby! It is your mind that creates illusions..."

"I'm tired..." I said before my consciousness began to disappear

I lost consciousness after saying a small bit of bitter memory in Tian's embrace. Since then, I have endured the pain that has plagued my stomach and heart that feels like it is in verses. I was angry without thinking about the consequences that would happen to my two children in this stomach. My gestational age has entered 6 months, my stomach is also getting bigger.