You Who I Miss

Dispart

That morning, with my love. I'm really happy. I walked that morning with a smile. But it didn't last long. At breakfast with Dad, Mom, Iqbal, Dea, Andi and Kikky. I got word that Dicky went into the hospital.

I can't believe it. Just yesterday the three of us had fun together. How could Dicky be sick. Maybe Dicky was exhausted yesterday, given Dicky's kidney condition.

After getting the news. Me and the others immediately went to the hospital.

From outside the ICU. I saw Dicky being handled by the doctor from the small glass on the door. I was crying, I was worried about Dicky.

Yanti's mother was incessantly crying until my mother who calmed her also cried.

"Yesterday he was fine, he was very happy after playing with rissa and iqbal yesterday" said Yanti's mother to my mother.

"Patience mom, we didn't know this was happening, we didain Dicky" my mom said.

While my father and Dicky's father were also worried about Dicky's condition. They're busy looking for blood for Dicky.

Iqbal came to me and grabbed me.

"He'll be fine with bal." I said.

"Yes ris, we doain, I wish Dicky well" said Iqbal.

"Aamin." I said.

Iqbal hugged me and tried to calm me down. Then he took me for a walk in the hospital garden. Andi, Dea and Kikky also joined in. They were also shocked by Dicky's situation. What else Dea. Just last night I told him that I had fun with Iqbal and Dicky.

In that park. I just sat quietly in the long white chair by the fountain watching Iqbal, Dea, Andi and Kikky joking around. I understand they're trying to make me laugh. But now, I don't want to laugh. Thoughts kept on Dicky and I was anxious about his condition.

"Don't diem aka dong dear." said Iqbal while poking my nose.

"Oh baby." seduced Dea.

"Haha."

I silently watched Iqbal.

"Hem, you want some ice cream?" asked Iqbal. I'm silent.

"Yeah, you want ice cream too" Kikky said.

"Mauuuu, strawberry yes." said Dea.

"Well, strawberries are Rissa's favorite, not ris." Iqbal told me.

"Don't like it, don't like it" I said with tears in my eyes that wanted to fall.

I hugged Iqbal in front of me. I was crying in his arms. Iqbal's hand caressed my head.

"Don't cry" said Iqbal.

"Yes ris, I'm so sad" Dea said.

"I want to see Dicky, can I have bal?." I asked Iqbal.

"Dicky is still sleeping, he has to rest" Iqbal said. I looked at Iqbal.

"May." answered Iqbal.

"When did Dicky wake up bal?." I asked again. Dicky was silent and the others were silent as well.

"Answer." I said.

"We doain Dicky yes, let it heal quickly" said Iqbal. I was silent as Iqbal wiped the rest of my tears.

"Yes, we go home yuk, it's late." Andi asked.

"Yes, let's rise, we go home, father and mother must be waiting for us" said Iqbal.

"I don't want to go home, can I take bal here?." I asked Iqbal again.

Iqbal was silent and the others were silent.

"Ris.we're going home tomorrow to grandma's." Dea said.

"Om Dimas from yesterday took care of everything." he continued.

Don't ask me how I react. I don't know what to explain. I wept. I want to stay, but it's impossible.

Kikky said he would try to talk to my father, ask permission on my behalf, to be allowed to stay overnight in the hospital. However, it is forbidden to my mother.

I was really sad then. I can't say see you to Dicky like that. I didn't even have time to stop by the hospital to say goodbye to her, Rahmad's father and Yanti's mother.

On the way home from the hospital. I was sitting there by the window worrying about what I was thinking. Somehow I explained it to you. I don't have words that represent what I feel. Anyway, I can't laugh, I can't smile. I can only cry, cry and cry.

I remember my time with Dicky. It was so wonderful to remember our time together in the past. What I remember is clearly the times I, Iqbal and Dicky were together. I can't imagine how the moment of joy we did yesterday would end like this.

***

I had to leave my house again and go back to my grandmother's house. This is the second time I can't say goodbye to Dicky. My heart throbbed with my melted tears.

I haven't been able to talk to Dicky who hasn't been around yet.

Yanti's mother told me Dicky would call me when he woke up. But, when will Dicky call me.

Until when I wait for Dicky's news. I've been stuck in a floating state with feelings I can't control anymore. It made me feel that it was really hard for me to accept under any circumstances.

In the silence, the silence of my heart, I still remember the times I laughed with Dicky, as I hugged him. I always thought about Dicky even when I was this far away, and I thought about him more and more, missing him. If I run away in this state, I will increasingly be unable to erase it in my mind.

But I have to underline. Everything I see and feel is a feeling of the past that must be remembered. And this moment that I am seeing and with me is the future. He's been with me all this time, M. Iqbal Ardiansyah's.

I don't have to say anything, if I look into Iqbal's eyes and the sheer smile he's always showing me every day makes me confident in life. I don't want to see Iqbal getting tired, constantly feeling disappointed because of my feelings. I know it's hard. But, I want to try, I will always be here with Iqbal like a sun that goes down in purplish even if it looks cloudy like a very heavy rain.

I'm so grateful to him. He always tries to make me happy. She was so good to me. He gave me my spirit back. He always made me believe that everything would be okay. I was lucky to be with him and happy.

I put my head on his shoulder. He hugged me and said: "All will be well."

As Iqbal said. Everything's gonna be good. Good for me, for you and for us. Although it is very difficult to forget someone who is so much a part of my life. Even if it was felt deeply, it was truly painful.

-ooo-oo-