You Who I Miss
I still miss him
I know I have to set boundaries with myself. Moreover, I've been with Iqbal. However, I still can't forget Dicky, I miss him. I thought this feeling would just disappear. By spending time with Iqbal, I will forget the Dicky figure in my life. But I was wrong, this feeling deepened. I even imagined that the one with me right now was Dicky instead of Iqbal. Iqbal's attitude sometimes makes me remember his figure. At first glance they were similar, but, I realized they were two very different people. I don't know with this feeling. Somehow I express it. Was I happy to be with Iqbal and then sad to remember Dicky who was far away.
During Junior High my relationship with Iqbal adem ayem. Yes, sometimes we also fight like a courtship person in general. The thing that triggers us to fight is his hobby that likes to fight. He's still collecting cases at school. I don't know how many, maybe not stopped often he fought at school.
"Bal, why do you really like to fight, you know I'm worried if you fight let alone smpe you bleed" I said while hugging him on the motorbike.
"Who likes to fight, I don't want to, but those who always hold me first" he said.
"When I challenge you, you'll fight me too" I said.
"No, you're my girlfriend" he said.
"I'm not your girlfriend" I said.
"It depends, you don't know what I am." he said.
"I'm holding you against each other, let's fight" I said.
"Haha." Iqbal laughs.
"Where would we be like that" he said.
"Kok nawar" I said.
"I don't want to hit you" he said.
"You used to hit me." I said.
"Where I am, I never hit you, who hit me" he said. I smile.
"Why don't you give me back" I said.
"I love you Ris, I'll never hit you" he said. I smile.
"I love you too" I said, tightening my arms.
"Oh yeah no doubt we want High School, you want a list of which High School." I asked.
"I don't want to go to school" he said.
"Not that." I said.
"But not so, I remember I had a lot of enemies, what if you were bullied when I wasn't around" he said.
"You have to go to school, just like me" I said.
"Yes Ris" he said.
"Eh, come to my house yuk, have lunch with mama papa."
"Have you come back from Surabaya?."
"Yes, I want to play at home" he said.
"You." I said.
Arriving at Iqbal's house. We went straight inside. Apparently Aunt Dewi was chatting with Om Hendra, Iqbal's papa in the living room.
"Assalamualikum" I said.
"Eeh Rissa, walaikumsalam" said aunt Dewi. I smiled and kissed the hand of Aunt Dewi and om Hendra. So is Iqbal.
"I go to the room first." Iqbal told me. I'm nodding.
"Let's sit here ris the same aunt." said Aunt Dewi.
"It doesn't feel right, you used to be small, this way, now it's big, more beautiful too, deserved Iqbal like you." said Om Hendra.
"Yes, he's our son-in-law's candidate" said Aunt Dewi. I remember Mom Yanti, Dicky's mother. I miss Yanti's mother.
"Emang Rissa wants to marry Iqbal" said Om Hendra.
"Yes, it will be Ris." said Aunt Dewi. I just smile.
"Om going to ask, why do you like Iqbal." asked Om Hendra. At the same time Iqbal came and joined us. I kept quiet for a while thinking about something.
"Hem, Iqbal is good." I said.
"This brat, you say good, he likes to fight, brawl, om so you mending choose another guy" said om Hendra.
"Haha."
"This father, his son is not supported even like that" said Iqbal.
"Haha."
"Papa joked bal." said Om Hendra.
"Rissa has eaten?" asked Aunt Dewi.
"Not yet mah, why do I bring Rissa here, if she has eaten, I take her home" said Iqbal.
"Yes, mama siapi food first, wait a minute" said aunty left to go to the kitchen.
"Papa go up first, if the food is ready to call papa" said Om Hendra.
"Ok pah." said Iqbal.
After Hendra left. Iqbal sat next to me.
"Ris, I want the nanya" he said.
"What's it?." I asked.
"Do you admit what you talked about earlier, you will choose another guy" he said.
"You know I've been doing it for a long time" I said. I smiled as I leaned my head on Iqbal's shoulders.
Leaning on Iqbal's shoulders is the most comfortable thing for me. I feel like I can support the weight of the feeling I am feeling right now. However, I have not been able to share this feeling with him. Iqbal and I will not be able to hold this feeling together. Added to the treatment of aunt Dewi and om Hendra who is very good to me. I can't say this feeling.
"Why?, there is a problem, how sad?, the same story me." said Iqbal while embracing me. I just kept quiet.
"Did anyone bother you, who it was" Iqbal said. I smile.
"Don't fight, it's enough bal." I said smiling.
"Yes Ris, but I don't promise" he said. I smile.
***
In the final month of graduation. I enrolled myself into the State High School I wanted. Iqbal came with me. Like I forced him before. He plans not to go to school. Somehow his future is if he doesn't go to school. I acted that way for the good of him and for his future.
Day by day the reception announcement was approaching soon. It was on the notice board that Iqbal became my main goal. I wish Iqbal would get into State High School I'm going to. My prayers were accepted Iqbal, and so was I. I'm happy, really happy. Actually Iqbal is smart just that he is naughty and likes to do tantrums in school. But, he did it because someone was fishing for him. He also hit other class children, because I was insinuated with boys. She said I'm pretty but it's a stupid baby to have a boyfriend who likes to make trouble, it's better to go out with her. And as a result, Iqbal who was also offended immediately hit him without further ado. Maybe that boy has never been in direct contact with Iqbal. Those who know what Iqbal looks like, will not dare to Iqbal, let alone try to touch me.
Arrived at SMP graduation. All the children scratched each other in school uniforms with spray paint. Actually I don't want to come, it's just a Junior High School graduation, not a High School. But, I have to keep an eye on Iqbal. He joined the doodles of the same gang, which consists of 10 boys and all of them also collect cases at school. I'm afraid he might do something to harm himself. I mean, he said he wanted doodles, but he didn't know he and his gang wanted to brawl with another school. That's why I decided to come with him, at first he refused, but I forced him.
I'm not the only girl who joined them. Some girls who are the girlfriends of Iqbal friends also joined. And what I saw was that they were also naughty, that's why Iqbal never introduced me to his friends' girlfriends. He was afraid that I would be affected if I got along with them.
Time keeps turning. Now I'm in High School. But strangely my feelings have not changed. I still miss him. Always was. I kept thinking about it even though I was with Iqbal. I don't understand the meaning of love. It's just that with this feeling I feel indecisive, confused, dilemma, sad. I don't know what to do with this feeling.
Iqbal, though,
Pardon me! I miss someone else besides you. My heart misses her bal, I miss her!
-oo-oo-
