You Who I Miss
Topgallant
It was still dark, probably around four in the morning. I don't really remember, which is obvious when I woke up suddenly I was already in the car with my dad, mom, Iqbal, Andi, Dea and Kikky. I don't know who got me in the car, considering myself asleep, it's hard to wake up. Maybe it was my dad who was holding me, or maybe Iqbal, but I don't think Dad would have allowed Iqbal to carry me if he was with me.
As I opened my eyes, I looked around. I sat down between Iqbal who was sleeping and Andi who was busy playing on the phone.
"Main hp mulu." I said slowly.
"Hem, you're awake" Andi said.
"Dea equals Kikky, where?." I asked.
"Behind." answered Andi. I turned my head and saw Dea sleeping on Kikky's thigh as her pillow.
"Great son of dea." I said.
"Here, go to sleep" Andi said, patting her thigh with her eyes focused on the phone.
"No way." I said.
"Yes" said Andi.
"Sleep here" said Iqbal, leaning my head on his shoulder. I didn't say anything to Iqbal. I just smiled and closed my eyes. Same with himself.
Whether it takes how long from jakarta to bogor. Given that time, it was one day before the turn of the new year 2017, and the road to the summit was severely jammed. That's why Dad deliberately went to the top early in the morning to avoid traffic jams.
Arriving at one of the villas at the top. I went straight to the room and slept with Dea there. I was still sleepy and my head was dizzy during the trip to the top. I don't even know where Iqbal went, he didn't take me to my room, Iqbal probably went to his room.
***
About nine o'clock, Dea and I were woken up by my mother to breakfast. I woke up, and so did Dea. Actually I still want to sleep. But, it is forbidden to be with mother, he said at noon. Mother told me to take a shower, and I told Dea to. Instead of me and Dea being the bad boy, we better take a shower and then go have breakfast with the others.
After getting ready, Dea and I headed to the dining room. I'm surprised, maybe Dea's the same as me. How not to be surprised, there is already Dicky, aunt yanti, om Rahmad, there is also Melyn with her parents, as well as Anis and Dodit with her parents too. I don't think they're coming yet, or getting stuck. I'm so bad they're all waiting for me and Dea to eat together.
"Let's yak, we're waiting like tuh." I said a little whisper.
"Yes, how can I be, I'm not good, I don't think there's just us - we are" Dea whispered.
"Sama." I said.
"Rissa, Dea, come here baby" said my mother.
"Yes aunty." said Dea.
Dea and I immediately approached them all. I saw Dicky sitting on the left with Aunt Yanti and Om Rahmad. Dicky smiled at me. I also returned that smile. My eyes deliberately looked at Iqbal who was sitting right facing me, he was silent while looking at me. If Iqbal looks at me like that, it means he doesn't like what I did. Iqbal was jealous, I understood what he was feeling.
I also walked towards the empty seat next to Iqbal. When I wanted to sit down, Dea sat there first.
"Yeah, this is Rissa's chair" said Iqbal.
"Oh." said Dea.
"Sit here aja rissa." said Yanti mother to me. He told me to sit next to Dicky. I don't know why the empty chair is there. There was no before.
I kept quiet while looking at Iqbal. Iqbal just silently turned my back while enjoying the food.
"Let's go baby, sit here, I want to talk to you" said Ms. Yanti.
"Rissa, your mother-in-law called you" said aunt Rina, Dodit's mother.
"Hahaha." Everyone laughed, except me, Andi, Dea, Kikky and Iqbal. My mom and dad were smiling.
"Mother-in-law" Andi said as if mocking.
"Let's sit there baby." said my mother. With a sense of urgency, I finally sat down between Dicky and Yanti's mother.
"It looks like it's made" said aunt Tika, Melyn's mother. I just kept quiet while looking at Iqbal.
"About when is the proposal" said Om Damar, Anis' father.
"It was the father's son, when was Anis proposed to Dodit" said om Anjas, Melyn's father.
"It looks like mah." said om Damar while laughing.
"Truely, our son is omnipresent, courting means." said John, his father Dodit.
"Well Dicky's news is the same as Rissa's where it is now" said John.
"Tomorrow to marry" said Melyn.
"Hahaha." The others laughed except me, Andi, Dea, Kikky and Iqbal. Mom and Dad were just acting as they should.
"Let's talk about it first" said Om Rahmad, Dicky's father, laughing.
"How sir dimas, my offer yesterday, can be panjer first right" said Om Rahmad to Dad.
I saw a smile as I glanced at Iqbal who was just silent from earlier. I think Dad is confused what to say to Om Rahmad, maybe afraid his words will make Iqbal feel offended.
"Tante tiya, I'm done, I can go to the room" said Iqbal flatly.
"Yes, baby." said my mother. Iqbal went straight away. I could only shut up while watching Iqbal who was walking quickly up the stairs towards his room. I was confused, I felt like I wanted to chase after Iqbal, but I couldn't.
"What was it, son, Rissa, what was it?" asked Yanti's mother, Dicky's mother.
"Sorry rahmad, ma'am yanti, it looks like you're late, Rissa's been panjer with someone else" said my father, laughing. I mean let the atmosphere not stand. However, wrong all surprised.
"Huh."
"Well, is Rissa asking?" asked Om Anjas, Melyn's father.
"Yes, it was her boyfriend who left" Andi said.
"Well, you're late, Mr. Rahmad" said Om Damar, Anis' father.
"We're not lucky" said Om Rahmad.
"Rissa has a boyfriend?" asked Yanti's mother. I turned and looked at Mother Yanti who looked disappointed. I just nodded.
I saw that Mother Yanti was sad, and so was Dicky, she just kept quiet. The awkward atmosphere began to feel. Melyn just stared at me. Maybe he's disappointed, too, why didn't I tell him about this.
"Mother." call me to my mother.
"Yes." said Mother.
"Rissa wants to go to iqbal." I said.
"Eat first baby." said my mother.
"Later on." I said as I left.
I just ran up the stairs to Iqbal's room. I know Iqbal must have been upset by what happened at the dinner table earlier. But, Iqbal is not wrong, who is not angry if Iqbal position.
I knocked on the door of his room while calling Iqbal. But there is no answer. I tried to open the door to Iqbal's room, thank God it wasn't locked. When I opened the door, I saw Iqbal sitting on the bedside behind me.
"Iqbal." call me. However, Iqbal kept quiet.
I walked slowly towards him. I slowly held onto Iqbal's shoulder. Iqbal glanced at me before he went back to silence.
"Iqbal." I said slowly. Iqbal stood up and walked away from me.
"Go ris, meet your candidate" he said.
"No bal" I said as I walked over to him.
"I'm sorry bal, I should have told them I had a boyfriend" I said.
"You're not wrong, besides they don't mean you already have a boyfriend or not" he said. I'm silent. Iqbal let out a rough sigh and sat back down.
"Bal." I said as I knelt in front of him.
"Don't believe it, I'm sorry, you've said it to them" I said. Iqbal silently looked at me.
"So, who do you choose, I know" he said. I was silent, not knowing what to answer. I was confused, on the other hand I wanted to be with Iqbal but on the other hand I also wanted to accompany Dicky who was sick.
"It's ris, stay with me" he said.
"No bal." I said.
"I don't want to." I said as I hugged him. However, Iqbal was silent.
"Bal." I said. Iqbal was silent. I feel like I want to cry if Iqbal keeps quiet like this.
"Please bal, say something, don't shut up" I said. Iqbal remained silent. The tears I held back, finally coming out as well, I clenched my face to Iqbal's chest. I cried while apologizing. Soon I felt a hand stroke my head. I know it's Iqbal's hand.
"I love you so much" he said.
The words that often came out of Iqbal's mouth. For some reason it made me sadder, I felt guilty about my feelings and what I did. I love Iqbal too, but there is no denying that affection is still there for Dicky. When I was with Dicky I even forgot the figure Iqbal is always with me at this time. I felt confused about my feelings for Iqbal whether it was really sincere or just I didn't want to be alone.
Bal, what am I supposed to do!
-oo-oo-
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