You Who I Miss

Apologies Iqbal

I don't know how long I've been asleep. When I woke up my room was already bright because of the sunlight. I slowly sat down while holding my head that felt dizzy, maybe it was the effect of sleeping pills. I saw my mother cleaning my room.

"Eh, Rissa is awake" said my mother. I smiled as I leaned my body on the head of the bed. Mom walked over to me.

"Rissa needs something?" asked Mom, tidying my hair.

"Which father." I said.

"Hem, just woke up already nyari girlfriend aja." said Mom teasing me.

"Ahh, mother." I said. Mom laughs.

"There's ahead" said Mother.

"Rissa what's breakfast?" asked Mom.

"There is a ma'am" I said.

"Yes, Rissa took a bath there, I prepared her food first" said Mother. I'm nodding.

I took my phone on the nightstand. I checked, hoping Iqbal would call me or at least have one chat from him. But, my hope did not materialize. The ones that are usually filled with spam chat now no longer exist. No chat notifications from Iqbal.

Now I'm on my own, away from Dicky and Iqbal. Somehow I am now with this feeling. The two people I love aren't with me anymore and maybe, I'll run my life alone quietly.

***

After showering and cleaning myself. I met my father who read the newspaper on the porch. The weather today is so sunny. However, not with me, my day was cloudy and silent. I also sat next to my dad.

"For my girlfriend, Dad." said to me, focusing on reading the newspaper.

"It's noon this morning" I said.

"Haha."

"Dad doesn't work?." I asked.

"Today I want to be with my girlfriend" said Dad, stroking my hair. I smile.

"Didn't his head hurt?" asked Dad.

"A little bit." I said. I lay myself on my shoulder.

"Dad." I said.

"Yes, why baby?" asked Dad.

"Then, when you were dating you never broke up?" I asked.

"Ever, even the mother who died was the father, the mother was chatty, chatty, so the father broke up" said Father. I'm silent.

"But, because you love and love your mother, I'm sorry to keep turning her back on you" said Dad. I just kept quiet. I don't know what to say.

"Dear, don't think about it again, ahh." said Dad while embracing me.

Suddenly Andi came wearing a sports shirt complete with his sports shoes. Looks like he's out jogging. I'm surprised, it's not Sunday. He should be at school now.

"Hey hotshot." said Dad to Andi.

"Om." said Andi while doing the usual tos he and dad did.

"Aren't you in school?." I asked.

"No." said Andi.

"Andi got suspended" said Dad.

"Huh." I said in shock.

"Awas going to put in his mouth flies." said Andi while pulling my nose.

"Ihh." I said. Dad smiled.

"It hurts." I said while rubbing my nose.

"Haha."

"I went in first, wanted to eat, laper." said Andi. Dad just nodded. Andi went inside.

"Andi." called me while running after Andi inside.

"What." said Andi as he continued walking towards the kitchen.

"Seriously, you're suspended again" I said.

"Yes Rissa" he said.

"How-ever?." I asked.

"It's a cool guy" Andi said as he sat at the dinner table.

"Heh, cool from where." I said as I sat in front of him.

"Tante tiya cook what?" Andi said to the mother who was cooking.

"People's fried rice." said Mother.

"You are aunty." said Andi.

"Just now, auntie made Rissa's first." said Mother.

"Rissa is not a laper ma'am, make Andi a fried rice" I said.

"Why don't you want to eat, I've cooked for you" said Mother while pouring rice on the plate.

"Yes you are here, you can not not eat, aunt tiya already tired of cooking" said Andi. I'm silent.

"It's sweet, it's eaten." said Mom, giving me a plate of fried rice.

"Dihabisin ris, do not not do not, later the rice is crying, yes no aunt" said Andi provoked. I looked at Andi's annoyance.

"Andi, his shoes are opened dear dong, the time at home wear shoes." said Mother. I smile.

"Hehe, sorry aunt, forgot." said Andi.

"You are" said Mother as she passed away to cook again.

"Haha." I laugh.

"Snorts, laughing continues." Andi said annoyed. I smiled while eating my mother's fried rice.

***

After eating fried rice with Andi. Andi has changed clothes too. We both played Downhill Domination PS2 in Andi's room. Andi's room, not so spacious. But, enough for him and his favorite items, which if not arranged and tidied up every day by my mother or aunt Maya, mama Andi. Maybe his room will be like a barn.

At first I didn't want to play PS with Andi. But, Andi forced me. Don't keep on saying. Right, what Andi said, I should not be upset, I should be able to move on and live my life well and happily. Although it must be side by side with past memories that may be difficult for me to forget.

Really, I can't seem to forget Iqbal. I still love Dicky and always remember him. Especially Iqbal, the one who is always there for me and makes me happy every day. But, I have to try. Although in the end I will never be able to move on from this feeling.

"Yesterday I met Iqbal" Andi said while focusing on the television screen. I quietly listened.

"She asked you, whether it's home or not, and I kept joking with her, I said Rissa hasn't been home yet, here I am again looking for her" Andi said.

"Keep." I said.

"So you have to move on, he has sent you, he also makes you cry all day." said Andi.

"You are still interested in his name" Andi said again. I just kept quiet.

Shortly afterwards, the bell rang.

"Who is that?" asked Andi.

"Either." I said.

"Ck!" said Andi annoyed with the bell that kept ringing.

It looks like Mom and Dad are in the room. Maybe they didn't hear it. And the others were not home, my other cousins were not home yet. Andi stood up to go check on who was coming. However, I stopped him and offered to open the door. Andi nodded too. I immediately went to the door.

"Standard." I said.

When I opened it, how shocked I was, when I found out the person ringing the bell was Iqbal. Iqbal still wears school clothes. It seems like from school he went straight to my house. But, right now, I don't want to meet him yet. I'm still upset. Soon I close the door. However, Iqbal held him back.

"Wait ris, I want to talk" he said.

"You go home" I said, pushing the door.

"Ris, I'm sorry" he said.

"You go home, I don't want to see you" I said loudly.

"Why ris?." asked Andi who came to me.

"Iqbal." said Andi. I immediately went to seek refuge behind Andi.

"Ris!." said Iqbal slowly.

"The man's wife Andi, I don't want to see him" I said behind Andi's body.

"You listen to bal, go home" Andi said.

"I beg you to ris, just once give me a chance to talk" Iqbal pleaded.

"No." I said. Iqbal walked inside and pulled my hand. I hugged Andi's waist, held myself back.

"I don't want to." I said as I tried to let go of my hand Iqbal held. Andi, who saw my hand being pulled by Iqbal, tried to take Iqbal's hand off from me.

"Let go of the bales." said Andi. I could no longer hold back my tears, my hands hurt. My tears fell.

"Sick." I said with a cry. Andi managed to let go of my hand. I kept crying while hugging Andi's waist from behind.

"You're why bal, Rissa doesn't want to see you, yes, go there." said Andi.

"Ris." said Iqbal, trying to get close to me. However, it was blocked by Andi.

"Stop the bales, go or we fight here." Andi stressed.

"What is this huh." insisted the new father came with Mother. I shut up, Andi and Iqbal shut up.

"Why baby?" asked Mommy. I immediately ran into my room and locked my door.

"I don't want to see Iqbal, tell him to go home." I shouted from the room.

"Iqbal why are you here?" said Father.

I closed my ears and moved away from the door. I don't want to hear anything. I don't care about Iqbal who you might get scolded by. At worst Iqbal will be slapped by Dad. I better not know and I won't think of anything, let alone feel guilty.

Crying, I cornered myself against the wall. I sat down and hugged my knees. Maybe you think I'm a child with this problem. I should have met Iqbal and looked for the bright spot of our relationship. But, I didn't.

A few minutes later, there was a knock on my glass window. I stopped crying and approached him. Iqbal's voice sounded calling my name softly. He still wants to see me after what happened.

"Ris, I know you don't want to talk to me, so I'm the one who's talking" she said.

"Your father is angry with me, but I deserve it, I hurt you, your feelings" he said. My tears fell. I feel sorry for Iqbal. Surely Iqbal also got a blow from Dad.

"I'm sorry to worry, I shouldn't have broken up, I'm broke up, I love you, I miss you, I don't want to break up" she said.

"You can be angry, hit me if you need to, but don't be so sure, I don't want you to walk away from me, I love you" he said.

"I was only given three minutes for your father to talk to you, it's over, I went home first yeah, you took a break, don't forget to eat, smile, yes I've come home ya."

"Assalamualaikum" he said.

-oo-oo-