You Who I Miss

Illusive

In the back garden. I saw Melyn, Anis, Dodit, Dea, Kikky, and Dicky decorating for new year's night. Dea was busy putting up the lights on the tree with Kikky and Dicky.

"Come ris." take Andi.

"Iqbal?" I said. Andi immediately took my hand and led me towards Dea, Kikky and Iqbal.

"Don't worry about Iqbal, maybe he's in the room" Andi said.

I'm not worried because I don't know where he is. I'm worried, Iqbal is jealous that he knows I'm with you and there's Dicky.

"Eh ris, let's help me put this on" Dea told me. I smiled and nodded.

I'm lyrically for a minute Dicky's busy putting up the lights with Kikky.

"It's ris, put it on the tree" Dea said while giving a small lamp.

"I help you" Andi told me. I'm nodding. Andi and I put the little string of lights on the big tree near the garden table.

There was Anis who was arranging the equipment on the table. There was also Dodit who helped Melyn put an ornamental flag on top of the tree.

Praaaa!

Anis accidentally nudged a glass vase. Spotan Me and the others turned towards him. Dodit who saw that immediately approached Anis.

"You don't pa-pa." asked Dodit to Anis. Anis just shook her head.

"You don't pa-pa nis." I asked.

"I'm not pa-pa ris." said Anis.

"Be careful, here I help" Dodit told Anis.

"Well, Dodit, who's helping me, where's climbing like a monkey again." Melyn grumbled from the top of the tree.

"Haha."

"Find a girlfriend so mel, let there be your nemenin" said Dea.

"Haha."

"Well, then, now who wants to help me" said Melyn.

"Let me help" Andi said as she approached Melyn.

"Wow, and a good strategy" said Kikky.

"Haha."

Well, I put up that light rope alone. I'm a little troubled. Suddenly, Dicky came to offer his help to me.

"Need help." said Dicky.

"No pa-pa, I can." I said. Dicky smiled at me.

When I'm almost done. The winding of the light cable just came off. I just sighed, feeling like everything I did was useless.

"Well." I said.

"You've got to make the braces first" Dicky said. I silently looked at him confused. Dicky picked up the nail and hammer and then hit the nail on the tree. He made a refutation for the light cord not to fall off again.

"Ohh, it's like that." I said. Dicky smiled at me.

"Come." he said.

Dicky and I did it together. He made the brace, I wrapped the light cord around the tree. Sometimes Dicky and I steal each other's eyes, although the awkwardness comes back after the incident at the dinner table. It doesn't taste good like this. I can't move as freely as before.

"Where is Iqbal?." asked Dicky suddenly. For a moment I was silent. Then I looked towards him.

"There, in his room." I said hesitantly.

"Why?." I asked Dicky.

"No pa-pa, just have a chat" Dicky said.

"Chat?, what chat?" I said.

"Hem, what yes." said Dicky while thinking.

"Maybe talking to you" Dicky said. I silently looked at Dicky who was busy with his work.

Somehow I now have to act to Dicky and his family. I have disappointed them all.

"Iky." call me Kikky.

"Yes ris, why?" said Kikky.

"I'm going to my room, like I'm not well" I said.

"You're sick, I went to the room." ucp Kikky.

"No, I can." I said.

"Yes, rest there." said Kikky. I nodded and walked away past Dicky who was silently watching me.

"Rissa, where are you going?" asked Andi. He again held the stairs for Melyn to come down.

"To the room." I said.

"Not feeling well he said." cried Kikky.

"I'll take you to the room." said Andi.

"No need." I said as I left.

I heard Andi calling me. But I pretended not to hear it. I kept walking inside, even though I heard Andi constantly calling me.

"Ris." call Andi.

"Andi's right dong, I can fall." cried Melyn.

Actually, my condition is fine. That's just my reason for getting out of there. I think I better avoid Dicky for a while. Even though I don't want to do it.

On the way to my room, I saw Iqbal walking down the stairs. I smiled at him. But he ignored me. She went.

I called him. But, Iqbal did not turn his head at all let alone stop his footsteps. Hah, looks like he doesn't want to talk to me. It is sad to be ignored by those we love.

I wondered if Iqbal's love for me was gone. I know he must have been upset by what happened at the dinner table. But, should he ignore me. What mistake?.

I kept calling him, but the result was nil, just the same. I walked up to him towards the kitchen.

"Iqbal." I said.

"You're angry" I said.

"I'm sorry." I said again.

"I'm sorry" I said with tears in my eyes. However, Iqbal still did not care about me.

I deliberately dropped myself on the floor and pretended to faint. I don't know why I could think of such a dramatic idea. It's just in my brain.

I heard Iqbal calling me and trying to wake me up. But, she didn't know I was acting anymore.

"Rissy."

"Tante tiya, om dimas." cried Iqbal.

"What's bal." My new mother's voice came.

"Rissa." said my mom's worried.

"Why rissa?" say Mother. Iqbal did not answer.

"Rissa." Dad's voice called me.

"Rissa why?." asked Dad.

"Don't know." said Mom anxiously.

I think everyone came to see me. Maybe Dicky is there too. I also heard the voice of my mother. It sounds like he's worried about my situation too.

"Bring to the room." Yanti's mother's voice.

I don't know who's holding me. I think it's my dad. I was a little disappointed that my father took me to my room. I wish Iqbal was holding me.

Why isn't Iqbal the one who carried me!

***

In my room, I lay in bed. Mother stroked my head gently while trying to wake me up with eucalyptus oil. I can smell the eucalyptus oil so stinging in my nose. I want to wake up. But, my plan could be messed up.

"Iqbal, rissa why did she faint" my mother asked. Iqbal did not answer mother.

"How's dad." my mom told my dad.

"Rissa said she wasn't feeling well" said Kikky.

"We call the doctor" said Dad.

Whaaat! Doctor! No, I must have been caught lying. My heart rate and breathing are racing, I'm afraid, what if you call the doctor. It's my fault, I should have come up with another idea. I forgot that my mom and dad loved me. I've made them anxious.

"Maybe rissa had a stroke" said aunt Sari, Anis' mother.

"The road to the top again jammed badly, long if we call a doctor" said om Anjas, Melyn's father.

"We'd better get out, let Rissa rest" said Rahmad, Dicky's father.

"Let's get the kids out, rissa doesn't papa" said aunt Rina.

"Tante tiya, I want to go with Rissa" said Iqbal.

"Dear on, call aunty if there's nothing" said Mother.

.

"Yes aunty." said Iqbal slowly.

Slowly my room became quiet. Thank goodness I didn't call the doctor. I can breathe a little. However, I became anxious at once, when Iqbal said "I know you're pretending."

I'm busted. I opened my eyes and saw Iqbal's annoyed face. Iqbal must be mad at me. I sat quietly looking at Iqbal.

"Why are you pretending to faint" he said. I'm silent.

"You know Rissa, how many times you've passed out in front of me, your face must be pale, and look at your face now, not pale, you're fine" Iqbal said. I'm silent.

"I can't believe you can lie" Iqbal said disappointedly. After saying that Iqbal walked away leaving me.

"I'm doing this because of you" I said stopping her steps, she turned to look at me.

"I want to be with you." I said with tears in my eyes.

"Why do you ignore me, what's my fault with you bal." I said. Silent IQbal.

"Yes, I know I'm wrong with this feeling, this feeling doesn't change for Dicky, do you know, I've been depressed by this feeling, plus your attitude is like that, are you thinking how to be me." I said with my tears falling.

I cried, I also regretted pretending to faint. And now Iqbal is disappointed in me. What I should do. Iqbal doesn't care about me crying either.

"Go bal, I want to be alone" I said softly as I wiped my tears with my own hands.

I didn't think Iqbal would leave and he approached and hugged me. I was happy, I hugged him tightly, tightly.

"I'm sorry." I said while crying.

"I didn't mean to lie to you" I said. Iqbal smiled and wiped my tears.

"That's enough, don't cry" said Iqbal. I'm silent.

"Where not crying, you've been cuekin me." I said.

"I'm sorry" said Iqbal. I'm silent.

"Your head must be dizzy" said Iqbal. I nodded, because my head was dizzy and heavy. Iqbal already knew that I was crying my head suddenly hurt.

"Yes, rest, will be really sick" said Iqbal. I smiled knot.

I slowly lay on Iqbal's aid. Iqbal sat on the side of the bed next to my head. He stroked my head slowly.

"You're not mad at bal" I said. Iqbal smiled as he shook his head.

"Cuman was upset" said Iqbal.

"I'm sorry bal." I said.

"Yes" said Iqbal.

"Let's go to sleep" said Iqbal.

I tilted my body behind Iqbal while hugging the bolster. I closed my eyes while feeling Iqbal still stroking my head.

Later times. Iqbal.

"Rissy."

I didn't answer.

"You're asleep."

I didn't answer either.

Iqbal stopped stroking my head. And then envelop me. Then stroked my head again.

"I'm sorry, I have no intention of wanting to cuekin you, what else is angry with you, I'm just confused how to behave, I'm afraid, if I hurt you with my emotions." said Iqbal slowly.

"I love you." said Iqbal. He kissed me on the cheek and then left.

Instantly a drop of my tears fell after listening to that from Iqbal. I haven't slept, I'm still aware of what Iqbal said and did. Either I am happy or sad. However, my feelings were mixed into one. I should have also understood Iqbal's feelings. And not think about my feelings.

I'm sorry bal!

-oo-oo-