Single-minded

The Voice of the Heart of Vira

VIRA POVS

That night was the first time I looked at your handsome face. The night I got to know the heir of the Atmaja family? To be honest, that night wasn't the first time. But the first night I saw you. After all these years I have kept my admiration. Right in front of my modest house, I saw you standing waiting for me. Azzam Auliqa Putra Atmaja, the eldest son of a distinguished family in my city. The proud son of the Atmaja family, the family where my mother served?

That night my heart shook violently, a voice I had never heard. A voice I haven't heard since when did I miss him? It really sounded both my ears. A voice that awakened me from a long daydream. The voice that was the beginning of my heart. Your warm attitude is like the fire that warms my night. On the contrary my cold and indifferent attitude, is only a mask to make my race invisible to you.

Meeting at once the beginning of my race for you. Being the most beautiful night at once scary. I'm just a weak woman helplessly. I live without thinking about fighting. At least I don't complain or fear getting hurt. I live in the comfort zone I built. Until finally that night, my firm foundation faltered. Your presence is really disturbing my night. My faith was defeated by an unwarranted desire.

I was defeated by your shady gaze. I lost to a love I shouldn't have felt. I lost against the selfishness of a real heart choosing you. Until I forget, who am I? Weak women are worthless. Not complaining of fate, but a real difference exists. Makes me forget the pain of rejection from you or your family. I was washed away in a beautiful feeling that was not necessarily welcome.

A few days passed and I never saw you again. I'm back to being a simple girl Vira. While you become the young master of the Atmaja family. Status is not the same and will never be the same. I learned to control my race. I harbor this admiration. I'm aware of the wounds I might feel if I keep this feeling.

Until I finally met you, your warm gaze was getting warmer. Your attitude is no longer the same, very warm and full of taste. As if to say myself the owner of your ribs. But I am aware of the difference between us. Cut off all the taste and hope you give. I closed my heart to you. Even without me realizing the taste for me blossomed in my innermost heart. I finally threw all my race away for you. When Nadya became your future wife. I don't want to hurt my best friend. All this time he was the one when I liked and hurt.

I give you my best prayer, but you refuse with a wound and blood. Know ye? I was weak, when I saw blood flowing from your hands. My best prayer for your happiness. It's a painful wound for you. I saw you broken, as broken as my heart saw you with my best friend. Your tears, not as much as my tears bear the pain of losing you. Only faith I hold firm. So that I may gaze upon the happiness of the priest I dreamt of.

Time is spinning so fast, without me noticing. My life revolves around you. I kept pushing my race for you. Refusing your race for me. Until finally that afternoon you pulled my body. Ask for a chance and trust. If you can make me happy. Honestly, even if you never asked for it. I believe my happiness is right next to yours. But I never dared to admit my race. Only in the third night I put my race and the happiness of your life. My shabby veneer witnesses, how I wish you happiness.

I'm giving you one chance. With your ding attitude, I took me to a place that was never on my mind. You pray in front of my father's headstone, my deceased guardian. With tears in your eyes, you asked for her blessing. A blessing that might be beautiful if he was alive. Instantly I was stunned, you melted my heart. The high fortress I built.

I'm seeing you appreciate my parents. From that moment on I was sure I gave up everything on you. Your respect for my parents, I repay you with an unusual love. I fought to be happy. Wish you were the priest who would lead me to His jannah. Giving true happiness in my lonely life.

I received your proposal with bismillah. I live with you bravely without fear of the storm. But for real today I hear. How much I hurt my friend. I destroyed my best friend's hopes and dreams. Someone who has been in my joys and sorrows. I was crying in my heart. When I heard his insults and insults on me. I'm nothing more than a cheap woman in front of him. I left a deep wound in his heart just for the sake of my happiness with you.

I was pensive for a long time, until I finally realized his words were true. I'm nothing more than a lowly woman. I don't deserve to be around you. But far from you, could I be able to? My heart is bound to you. My soul is adrift with your figure. Your shadow follows my every step. I am weak and fragile without you. Yet accept humiliation and guilt. I can't seem to hold my breath.

O priest of my choice, which path should I choose? Stay by your side against all storms at every step. Or step back from you. Ready to feel the pain of losing yourself. Azzam Auliqa Atmaja's son, why should I know you? Why is my heart adrift for you? I can't bear this burden. You are happy and sad. If I could, I would like to forget your shadow.

THE VIRA POV END

"Sir Azzam!" vira shouted hysterically. He was surprised when Azzam approached him with his hair still wet.

Azzam rubbed his wet hair towards Vira's face. Suddenly Vira was shocked, as she felt a chill on her face. Vira who was sitting daydreaming did not realize the presence of Azzam beside him. Instead Azzam deliberately did all that. To make Vira aware of her daydream. Azzam did not want Vira to dissolve in his long daydream.

"What's wrong with you?" said Azzam while cupping both faces Vira. Azzam felt something was wrong with Vira's attitude.

Since returning from college, Vira has been quieter. Every time Azzam asked him to speak. Vira always lacks focus, even impressed no matter the presence of Azzam. All continued until Vira was home. Azzam saw Vira sitting pensively on the bed. Azzam saw the look on Vira's gloomy face. It was as if a heavy burden was being felt. Azzam was upset whenever he saw Vira was sad. It was as if thousands of thorns were piercing his heart.

"I'm fine!" sahut Vira, while removing Azzam's hand. Vira stood up leaving the pensive Azzam. Azzam is convinced that something is wrong with Vira. Azzam felt an unusual premonition.

"Darling!" azzam said while holding down Vira's hand. As Vira turned her head, she blinked her two beautiful eyes. As if to say he is okay. Without speaking Vira was about to pass and brushed off Azzam's hand.

"Dear, whatever you're afraid of. Tell me, I exist to replace your pain and sadness. Don't make your silence, cue to leave me. As you go, I am fragile at that moment. Please speak!" azzam whispered right in Vira's ear. Azzam pulled Vira's body into his arms.

Azzam tightly hugged Vira's body from behind. Azzam raised his head on Vira's shoulders. Trying to find calmness in his heart rage. Vira felt Azzam's warm embrace. The fear of losing Azzam filled his mind.

"I love you, I'm afraid of losing you. But if I leave, I'm sorry I'll be weak. Stay strong without me, you can rise!" vira said without looking at Azzam. Suddenly Azzam turned Vira's body towards him. Azzam lifted Vira's chin slowly.

"What's going on? Who made you think you wanted to leave me? If you leave, I'll make sure everyone's broken to see my fragile. I may not be perfect, but without you I'm more imperfect!" said Azzam lirih, while holding tightly Vira.

"I love you, never be weak for my sake. You are my strength and my life!" azzam lirih.

"I'm sorry!"