Part of me

Aku

Many people are envious of the various luck I get, whether it is about love, affection and even my sometimes careless attitude.

This is me whose love is neglected but many people see that I am very happy. Most of them don't know how I feel. I envy those whose lives are better than mine but it is I who do not understand how hard he tries to hide his problems and smile like me at this moment.

I was careless but liked by many teachers at school as an excuse by them to stay away from me, because they do not want their mistakes to be opened or opened by me. Actually as long as they're good to me I'll be there for them good bad they'll be accepted. Because they chose to stay away, I chose to be alone, trying to be closed and uncaring, but my little heart could not care. I who often feel pity and sometimes put myself in their position it makes me can not not care.

I never blamed anyone else for what happened. I blame myself more often. Wh why? Because I don't want to get anyone else involved in my business. In the end, I kept hurting my heart and my feelings. It doesn't matter to me, even though I'm disappointed sometimes. Disappointed to not be able to do something well.

I am easily disappointed and offended even this moody feels wrong to want it to feel changed and I will try to change if the direction from the inside does not have an impact then I look for direction outside the possible I can change myself for the better and find myself.

I hope that my efforts are not in vain and until this point I began to understand and understand little by little about myself and others. And now I understand that avoiding problems is not a solution, but it's like exacerbating and covering up problems that we don't actually do. The best solution is to deal with it and if silence makes them silenced and start to get tired then do it because we do not need to reciprocate what others are doing to us.

I have heard that the Prophet was insulted and humbled instead of replying, the prophet even recited prayers when he was insulted. Allahummaghfir li qaumi fa innahum la ya'lamun. Which means "O Allah forgive my people, (they do so) because they do not know.

The prayer of the prophet when insulted can be traced in the tradition of Imam al-Bukhari and Imam Muslim. In the complete hadith is told a chronology of humiliation and beatings to the prophet when he preached.

عن عبد الله بن مسعود  قال: كأني أنظر إلى رسول الله ﷺ يحكي نبيًّا من الأنبياء -صلوات الله وسلامه عليهم- ضربه قومه فأدمَوْه، وهو يمسح الدم عن وجهه، ويقول: اللهم اغفر لقومي، فإنهم لا يعلمون(متفق عليه.

The sentence fa innahum laa ya’lamun read by the prophet above shows that the prophet is very understanding of the condition of those who insult and beat him.

They, for the prophet, are those who do not know the glory of the teachings brought by the Prophet SAW. If they knew, they would be conscious and ashamed to have done so.

The prayer of the prophet when insulted is also a whip for us that the prophet himself is not a vengeful person. The Prophet taught us the best way to preach and introduce the teachings of Islam. Not by violence, but by love. 

This is where I began to learn that not all evil must be avenged with evil again. I will also learn to be sincere and more patient to correct the mistakes of the past and prevent future mistakes. I know I am not an angel, not a prophet let alone the Prophet but trying to imitate his example is not a problem, right? even in prayer alone in saying 'Religion is ENOUGH TO CHEAT DO NOT FABRICATE' If you want to praise God with the right praise do not need to use the mind, just cheating, imitating, scattered in the verses of the Quran, scattered in the hadiths of the Prophet praise Allah, just follow. Can we make up according to the greatness of God?- Unable, impossible-. ~Ustadz Muhtarom hafizhahullah~

A lot of things I learned from my childhood up until now I've learned to be a devout person, a woman who covers her letter until it is said *******, I once misbehaved by wearing a mask (before there was a covid) and said ******** again. To this day his words still ring in my ears.

I choose to be alone not without reason but there are many things that make me not want to know more outsiders. I talk to myself more often sometimes I think compared to a human animal better "forget myself that I myself am a human:")"

I sometimes ask why I treat bad people to me well even though they consider me a rival and not even a few who consider me as their enemy while I always hope that they can accept I'm someone they can tell stories to and they can trust. I am lonely because I often lose and isolate myself into a place that no one else can find.

It can be said that sometimes it comes to my mind to make them suffer for ignoring me but what my day is not able to see people suffer because I know how the pain is not considered and not appreciated. I can cry in simple things I can laugh, because my life is simple and short.