Part of me

The neglected love

I love you through a smile.

I love you and wait for you to come and get me.

I hope that in your sweet smile there is me as the reason.

I'm the one you ignored for no apparent reason.

I can't keep you from staying or not leaving.

I don't have the right to hold you tight.

This is me loving you and you ignore,

pray and hope for the best for you.

I am far away here waiting for you without certainty.

It's me who has a dream to make you happy at your hardest time, to make yourself proud of me. I understand I'm not someone who has experience in pleasing someone but I'm experienced in getting what I want no matter how risky my life is, it would be better to bet on destiny than to dwell without results and certainty. Maybe right now I make you a lot of unhappy but someday, I'll bring you even the moon if you want. You're one of the people I want to be happy with after his departure a few years ago, you're also the reason I'm still enduring the rigors of life. Although under pressure from family, school and even the community environment. I live only to make my dreams come true, my words become my beliefs, and my hopes become untouchable.

The test of maturity is indeed more challenging than the school exam which only bets on grades while the test of maturity bets on my own life can even concern the lives of people around me. But this is the bet anyway must be accepted because everything has been written and destined for everyone.

I will fight even harder when I graduate and really get into my new life. What struck me was a freedom but the truth was a journey that was still long enough until the end.

I've never been hiding anything from you. I'm honest with every word I say, whether it's about my feelings or about myself, but if I'm hiding something, it's about me, what I'm hiding is how failed I was when I refused to do what you wanted. I'm sorry if I don't get what you want. I just want to be myself without you taking care of this and that. I'm grateful for what you've given me, I thank you and for how I feel, I've said it from the beginning I like who I like, what reason have I told you all though you know in the end again and again I choose to hurt my own little heart. I don't know it's like I don't have confidence, you know since I was a kid I was tossed around by pain, right? Maybe that's why gradually the confidence began to erode into pain until I imprisoned myself in a dark place without occupants.

I put myself in prison, shut myself up from all the things that could hurt me again but I failed, the love I should have said again. I knew I would end up losing it not once twice I lost the person I loved, whether it was my best friend and even my father left me. Maybe if someday I love someone I will learn to mute my mouth and feelings so that at that time I do not lose the person I like. I began to understand the flow of my life. I have always been taught by my creator to realize that in this world there is nothing eternal and eternal except Himself, I am also taught how to appreciate but I do not know what it feels like to be appreciated. I was always patient and aware that nothing would settle. I sometimes wonder why I'm afraid of losing her? He who is not for me will be difficult if I force him. I choose to accept rather than continue to ask for it. If he is the one you sent to guide me I also accept him even if he is the one you sent to harm me, I will still accept Your decision. I'm not selfish for accepting him but I can only walk according to the destiny you wrote my Ya Robb. I'm used to losing people I care about, I'm used to being left out even when I'm used to being there when someone needs my help. Even my friend said that "your heart is black like the color you like but there is something special in it blue which means that every time you do something you think is someone else's feeling and when you are angry or disappointed you just be quiet if not questioned. You are here to gather together but your heart and soul are not here, do not be too lonely try to be open, socialize and know many things. And also if your heart has a glimmer of white light then black will be gone."

I was silent for a moment when he found out what I was doing and what I was doing. I was alone because I didn't want to make people around me hang and make them hate me. It's true that my body is there but my heart and soul are elsewhere because I don't want that sometimes. For my black heart because I'm a very adaptable person if there's someone or something new and I'm just coming 15 minutes ahead I'm already one with them and used to it. So if I want myself to be a good boy I just need to be close to a good person maybe that's what white means.

Many things I feared because I too often lost one of them I was afraid of being exiled but in fact I had isolated myself in the depths of my heart and even imprisoned him. If you were to ask me how to get out of me that I imprisoned in the depths of my heart there might be one way that I would even be able to release myself in there - affection and attention maybe even love's. All I want is a love that makes me who I am, there is no suspicion in it. Honesty and trust are mandatory in that love. I started to fantasize again. That's me who likes to live in wishful thinking doesn't even want to wake up from my sleep.

I who have the nickname princess sleep and mis this is more likely to sleep and dream beautiful. I will tell you that the call of the sleeping princess or sometimes called preparing for death was given by my classmates at SMK because if I was full of food and exhausted no matter who the teacher was who taught me to stay asleep even when awakened is very difficult except when it was Freeclass or free there is a teacher who will enter the class within 3-2 meters I wake up and immediately say to a friend my classmate that there's a teacher coming in. There was once no one who did not believe me but you know he got to the law for disfiguring teacher. haha I just laughed while he looked at me annoyed, annoyed, I give a lidar because it's because I didn't listen to me who just woke up. Actually I was still there I knew what they were saying and doing because when I was trying to fall asleep in the noise I was like taking my soul off my body and going to play in my world. People might not believe me if I don't talk like that. Ah I want to say that I once fell asleep in a class whose teacher was the most feared teacher on my campus even while I was sleeping I was told to answer the question thankfully I was smart for having direct reflexes answer that question. It is wrong that I leave it to fate, but fortunately it is true and even I am with this teacher now like a son and father. Yes, I think of it that way but maybe you won't believe that sometimes I'm being taught by my teacher. I was close to him initially because there was a task that I did not learn and asked via WhatsApp when I was at home ah yes now I even have a tab in my hand because it was first online but hp I could not download the zoom meeting and was proposed by my teacher to borrow from the school even the procedure has been taken care of and I just need to come. So every problem in the lesson taught by the teacher I am the place to ask and convey even I am getting used to it.

For the nickname mis galau it was given by my Indonesian teacher in Madrasah first.hmm it was because my Facebook status was upset. ah that's because my friend made that teacher open up my profile and activities. At first we were gathering and preparing what we would do by chance eh no coincidence yes it was true that I and my friend were bad boys because of the time there were even those who entered BK but me and my friend who I boned the most survived even though they had to stray in the new environment, but it made me not meet my faith teacher who happened to be visiting his brother's house. wuwa is a hidden happiness, but because of that they always cornered me. I don't blame them, I was told my mother would come home at that time. Let's just say it was luck that made me survive.