Part of me
Wonder
I opened my little diary that said what was in my heart and there was a lot written in it about me. Starting from the first page of my biodata and then the next page filled with the outpouring of my heart.
Flashback on, by,
Monday, 08 june 2015
Today was a strange and happy day, I thought. Not knowing for others. I find it strange that today children are supposed to go to school but instead work to help their parents (maybe!).
O God, you are all-powerful. I plead with you that the economic problems of the whole world will not be this expensive. The market price was originally rp. 100 was useful to buy ciki and some candy but now rp. 100 it can not be anything but one terasi as small as candy. Especially rp. 100,000 could only buy a pair of clothes, they were more beautiful than they were now!
Is this the world?
"Why do I wonder at this world?"
*09 June 2015*
*I think the world is very cruel because everyone who was good becomes evil and sometimes evil becomes good, but most bad people are still evil*.
*Why is that*?
"*I'm amazed at this world*!"
10 June 2015
I think today is a beautiful day, because I have friends to play with. I wonder at people who dare to lie in self-defense. I also wonder at those who are good and evil, like my day is sometimes not as beautiful today.
I am so amazed at this world. I believe that Allah is fair not to discriminate his creatures. Punish the wrong people, but why are people unjust?...
***Flashback off***.
I thought I was innocent and good enough to worry about others and not care much about myself willing to be hurt to make others happy.
Right now I think I'm selfish for not worrying about my own circumstances. Too underestimated the pain until I ended up unknowingly continuing to hurt myself. I may forget that they will never always be there for me, I may be careless for believing it is for my good. I find it foolish that it is easy to believe that his words are sweeter than sugar capable of eating away at my sacred heart.
Sad to know that I can't be myself. I sacrificed a lot for so-called friends and companions but where were they when I fell? they were in the distance laughing and staring disdainfully as if they were unfamiliar. I could only get up and run without caring about them. Going home and crying to my mother's father who kept saying that I should be patient and aware because we are nothing so I have a desire to be a success and revenge in a way let them see the results I got and step in no matter when they kept calling me... Haha if I could, I'm too good that I can't do that. They may think that I care nothing for the past but they are wrong, my barbaric soul still demands to retaliate but my little heart refuses. I once thought of finishing them clawing, tearing them to pieces but it was wrong the best way to repay them was silence. Silence that made them confused about my opinions and attitudes.
"**The best revenge by not replying to their treatment but helping them and making them realize that I am the best is what my mother often said**".
*sad?!*
Yes, it is obviously sad.
*soothing?!*
Of course, I'm happy because I'm a hope.
*Press?!*
It's because I can't be myself.
*Grandpa?!*
It's undeniable because if I fail I'm the one to blame.
*Why does it still survive?!*
Maybe in my previous life I owed something so I had to pay before I came home.
But there is no reason to make me go faster.
Everyone should grow up, though,
And everyone should be responsible for their own lives
And I can't leave my own problems to anyone else.
Now there's something I have to do and I have to do it myself
I'm sorry I can't keep taking cover behind you all the time I'm afraid you're gonna leave me.
I am afraid to trust and trust others again.
Quite a betrayal in the past that traumatized me and scared the people closest to me.
I never blamed anyone else for being naive.
to myself...
Hold your pain
I'm sure you're strong!
U strong man's
I sad but I am strong
Don't worry
I am smart")
