Part of me

Because i'm...

Because I'm always wrong in your eyes.

I want to apologize through the writing I type, whether you want to see it or not, whether you want to read it or not, but these words I express sincerely from the bottom of my heart.

Forgive me for not meeting your expectations, not being what you expected, and not being what you wanted.

I am still like a child in your eyes, but unbeknownst to you have endured the pain that makes me who I am today.

The tears I shed for that pain were indeed not worth your sacrifice all along.

I'm sorry I'm through this because I know my apology doesn't mean anything to you.

I was content to cry and for now I have not been able to shed any more tears either because my heart has been turned upside down or because I have gotten used to your attitude. I don't know that, one day I don't cry when I leave.

Because apologies mean nothing.

Since my words to you are meaningless, I have decided not to apologize in speech but I will ask the divine that you forgive me, I pray and hope that my actions will not hurt you.

Actually I really want to cry because I feel tight in the chest but now the water is reluctant to come out.

I honestly wrote this story to pour out my heart so you know what I feel.

I am the one who often talks or you guys used to call it a brash or chatty yes that's me, that's who I am. Many of them never really listened to what I said until I finally made some things that became a joke because crying could not then I chose to laugh freely even though my heart was in a state of affairs chaotic I wish maybe this pretense would be a real happiness someday.

I often give advice or input to others but in fact my personal life is almost as ruined as they may be even more chaotic than them but I am always grateful because in every test the creator gives for me there he taught me how to fight. How to appreciate and how to survive this hard life. When I decided to start writing this story that's when I was completely devastated and disappointed. I cried in solitude in a mute and moved in silence for what I said could be it was something I really wanted to forget but because it was too heavy so I called it ordinary. Maybe in the various stories that I wrote in the various episodes or chapters that I typed it only had some advice or more to be useless I do not mind you guys like my work or not because I know everyone has the right to like something and even hate something. That's their right. It depends on their judgment and for that matter those who determine me only devote what I feel and what I want to share along with this story I write. I've been taught to appreciate even if only a few people really appreciate me but I appreciate them because everyone is free to express who wants to be appreciated and respected. It's their right since they came into this world but they should know that others are just like those who have their rights and we should respect that too.

I am silent on the problems that come not because I avoid but actually I am thinking of a solution to a problem that I am facing a solution where I do not have to be hurt, the solution to how I can finally rest in peace without fear.

Maybe I am in the view of others who are brave but in fact I only cover my fear by pretending and I hope that my pretense will someday make me who really brave too.

Since I wish that everything I do is what's best for me I no longer want everyone to like me, I just want them to accept me for who I am even though I know it might be hard for them. The best thing for me is no longer to impose my own will but to accept them as they are even if I don't know if they accept me or not.

Because I realize I'm nobody for now but from here I'll try harder to be a successful person. I want them to be proud of me, even when they are near me they are happy and excited. Assuming, appreciating and realizing my existence that I was actually with them and what I said would be a motivation for them I want everyone to be proud of me, I want everyone to appreciate me in my way so that I feel considered to be in this world and they will not be ashamed when I am with my appearance I hope that if I succeed later they will always be with me.

Because I know, I know that everything in this world is only temporary. I know that the treasure is only a deposit that can be taken at any time, like the charity we save when worshiping. The more we save, the easier it is to prepare for our future at the end. I don't know when I'm leaving, when I'm coming back and I don't even know when I'm coming home. All I know is I have to start saving from now on. So that later I do not make it difficult for others to travel at the end.

Because I, this is who I am, want you to accept it or not I was too hopeful anyway because of the hope I often hurt. My parents always made me realize that wishing to their fellow beings would be nothing good except to wish on the creator and to ask the creator to give the best that might be possible not like when I asked him but he did not give when he gave more attention but yes that is called hoping to his creatures will present a sense of insecurity and more to the be hurt.

Because I was educated and raised in a simple family, but a luxurious life, especially for me. I am the youngest child who is most spoiled and also if I am penniless I am the most expensive of my brothers because the cost of my life is quite luxurious from what I want there must be then from my pain that required me to go to the doctor I was among the most Angel because I was like a little shaken water would shake but I was strong enough to survive until now. Not just because of the blessings from my parents or my environment, but because I realized I haven't returned the favor to my parents even though I know, she said, I will not be able to repay them until the end or just as they did to me all I have to do now is keep fighting to boast of them making them famous if the world can and afterlife. I always hoped to be a good boy but this is what I am. I don't like to force anything but if I have to do something I have to do it is a good thing for me, although at first I complained for various reasons but finally I am grateful that I have been sent to there.

Although the beginning is bad but no one will know how the end is good anyway bad not us who determine but the creator who determines what will happen.

There may be hopes for his best friend but he is broken in the middle of the road, dropped maybe even overthrown because no one is really loyal, no one really accepts because sometimes all must be forced.

Forced to accept, forced to be faithful, forced to always be there, forced to love, perhaps even forced to hate as possible.

We may hate someone but never hate them but hate them because if you hate them you hate the creator. You can be envious but what you envy is good or bad maybe If you envy your friend who got the 1st champion in school ah ah can be your motivation to study harder but if you envy something that is not good, maybe it will make you motivated to do something bad, so never envy things that are not necessarily good for you.