Part of me

About Me

Even in my dreams I kept hoping to meet you.

My father is a nobody for now.

Dad I know, I will pray for you when I miss you and hope to meet even in a dream.

I always try my best to make them proud to have me.

I always wish it was needed by the people around me.

I know maybe my wish is too simple but it's enough for me to live in his shadow all along, but it's not as simple as you see!

For me who was in his shadow, I was sometimes afraid to step just because I was afraid of failure.

I had a dream but I was also afraid to wake up and realize that it was just a wish.

I've always thought about how to wake up from that dream and come up with a strategy for success without failure!

But it is impossible that every success has the risk of failure. Because from that failure we will try to be better.

I haven't told you that since my father died I've been living in fear.

Why?!

Because from then on the test to my maturity has just begun.

Yes first I started trusting outsiders, learning to interact and socialize knowing the people around me but what because I and my family are not people who have a lot of possessions, but not people who have a lot of wealth, back then they only used this innocent me for their purposes.

I am the one who has the privilege of being in my family they make materials to fulfill their wishes.

Although my family at that time was not a person who is like today (sufficient) roughneck I was a child mommy who always whined when she wanted something.

Haha...

Beautiful is not ANAK MAMI where wherever her mom goes there is me.

At first I was a person who easily believed in others.

One day my creator made me realize that they only exist for him not for me!

When I was in 6sd class, when I had 3 people that meant to me you used to call them FRIENDS, yes, FRIEND who plunged me into a pain and trauma to the word FRIEND.

How could I not be traumatized they treated me badly when I treated them well.

Not wanting to go low to skyrocket but in fact they are the ones who start.

Those who stabbed me in the back, pitted me against the others, which made me sob and chose to mingle with my underclassmen and mingle with the boys at school.

Even though it wasn't a bad thing, it made me change and hate my own people.

I forgot to tell you that I was the girl who when Kindergarten fell from the swing played by 2 people, because my friend got off the swing all of a sudden when the swing was in a swinging position made me drop my head first.

From that moment on I was afraid to go on the swing.

How not to be afraid or traumatized I prefer to sit sweetly on a chair while swinging my legs rather than having to ride a swing.

Wh why?

Because I was traumatized and scared.

Whether it was a swing for one person or more the reason for the fear of falling back and feeling a headache that made me quit school for almost 2 months.

Why so long!?

How not for long?

What I feel is not only pain but also something else.

Because I hated that swing and that swing position and was rather embarrassed to go to school afraid of being laughed at!

That's why.

Actually I had no intention to go to school that came to my mind at that time was to play, play and play.

Falling from that swing added to my desire not to go to school.

If only my playmates hadn't gone to school I probably wouldn't have gone to school.

Who her?

What's he like?

My attitude that always does not want to be denied is a factor often pampered at home.

If you want to know, I'll tell you about the time I wanted to help my mom cook in the kitchen.

At that time I co-cooked my age klo not wrong 6 years aha at that time I considered that I was playing cooking.

I cut all the ingredients in the kitchen, you know not how little kids cut leaves.

In addition to the randomness is also large, until my mother stroked her chest because she did not know what to say.

Because at that time I was alive and I could only shake my head.

Haha I am happy to remember.

And from then on, when I said that I would help cook, all of them threw me out of the kitchen and told me to play from then on until now I was lazy to go to the kitchen because playing was more fun.

And I remember one day I was told to wait and turn off the stove if the water was boiling.

If it's not wrong then I'm 13 years old, and what happened I forgot about mom's message while I was busy playing mobile phone makes my house almost burned fortunately I went to the toilet and smelled the smell of angus and yes I know the location of the error I forgot I was assigned mom, if until the fire made me have to renovate the house.

Haha and surely you know my mother's reaction, right?!

I'm just saying don't blame me because I don't like to cook and mom kicked me out of the kitchen first.

I spoke with my head down with fear as well but finally and fortunately only laughed at despite embarrassment but better than being kicked out of the house and stricken from KK (Family Card).

Haha becanda's.

I was told to sleep outside by my dad when I was 7 or 8.

Because what?

Why could?

Because I play not school, not teaching, not joining the bill and not even eating at home.

Guess what time I come home?!

I came home at 17:30 almost magrib.

I left or left home at 7 o'clock and had only a little breakfast at home.

I've said it's not that I didn't want to go to school but that they forced me.

I was also almost beaten by my father for always answering when given advice but I was saved by my mother he said never hit a child or it would make such a habit.

Haha how beautiful my life was.

I am free to express my opinion, I am free to express, I'm free to do what I want and I have a protector when you're angry and when you're angry because you're angry and you're angry and you have a father.

Now, right now, when there's a problem between my (second) sister's (first) sister I get angry with all of them.

I am tormented inwardly and emotionally.

When I was in the school environment all the problems I could vent to my schoolmates whether it was angry or hit them, since the corona I was more tortured at home because there was no outlet.

If you ask me if they're not mad because I'm angry I say they're not mad because I'm mad at school for a reasonable reason whether it's picket day and nothing friends to help, whether it's because I'm done mopping and then stepped on again or so on.

Most importantly no one dared me when I was angry because I once smashed a table or hit a wall to crack the main reason I was a classmate when I was angry I could record their names with cases or various reasons that I know and I say are real because I am close to male students and I almost know a lot of their disgrace so no one dares to mess around if the teacher The manager of OSIS and I sometimes work together without anyone's knowledge at school.

I am the type of person who never looks at anger.

Don't ever really think that when I'm angry nobody replies it all depends on their mood.

Once I hit my boy friend's back and he reflexively retaliates.

What happened next was that I gasped in shock and immediately turned around furiously which ended up running away because he brought his stinky shoes to stuff my mouth.

I told him that his stench was like a shoe that had not been washed for months that within 1 meter could make the person who smelled it vomit.

Maybe even faint.

I want him to read this story.

Uh!

Forget it I'm afraid he'll completely stuff my mouth with those rotten shoes.