My husband, Doctor Adrian

Alden

LULA'S POV

When I was in the operating room, the feelings of worry, nervousness, and fear mixed into one. Before, I never expected this day to come. But now, as soon as I was in sight, I was overwhelmed with feelings that I could not express with words. Maybe because it's my first time being a mother. Mother. I'm not sure I deserve to be called that. I didn't even have an attachment to the child in my womb. Maybe because of the problems in my life that come in a row. Even so, I feel guilty for him. Guilty, because I'm not a good mother to her. He had to be born prematurely today, because of me. Guilty that he did not get the love he deserved, either from me, or from his biological father.

I didn't think of anything. I didn't think I'd be this calm. Probably the effects of anesthesia. I felt pressure and pressure from my stomach.

I heard the sound of gloves clashing with something wet.

"Congratulations, Mother.. Baby boy. Healthy and perfect." said the doctor who rescued me.

I smile. At least, he's healthy. I don't even know her gender because I rarely see a gynecologist.

After cleaning, the baby boy was brought to me.

That's when I felt I was in love. Her skin is red and wrinkled. I can't see his face clearly. All I could see was her hair filling her entire head.

I shed tears that I can't contain. I don't know because of what. Obviously, I know that I love this kid.

He fell asleep on my chest. I felt the coldness of his body. The feeling of anxiety came so quickly.

"Dok..is he..all right?" my many. "Why didn't he cry?" ask again.

I rubbed his back carefully. He looks so small and weak. I tried to hold back my tears. L loved her. Hugely. I was overwhelmed with such a great feeling; guilt. I don't know because of what. Suddenly this guilt just appeared.

"He was fine, just because he was a premature baby, he had to be treated in the NICU for a while until his vital organs were sure to work and also achieve ideal weight."

I couldn't help but cry when they brought my baby. I can't even move my lower body to see it. Nathan, who had been coming in and was beside me, kept calming me down.

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NATHAN'S POV

I waited in the silent hallway of the hospital. I pray that Lula is strong and the operation goes well. I sighed and stared at the ceiling of the hospital. Dilemmas. This is what is called the dilemma.

My question was with him. Ask him like that, because I know. Adrian is here. In this hospital. In the same building. The same day his son was born. I know because I read Mama Lula's medical history. I know that Adrian did the operation on his former in-laws.

Of course I won't be so presumptuous. Lula doesn't want her presence here. I respect that. But, it's ironic. Didn't know you had a child?

I swept my hair with my fingers, frustrated.

It turns out. Is this what dilemma feels like?

THE NEXT DAY..

Lula was holding her sleeping baby. It's so small. Well, I've never seen a baby. But, somehow seeing this baby made me feel overflowing excitement. In fact, I'm a nobody. I can't imagine Lula's feelings.

I'm staring. I half couldn't believe seeing Lula who looked so affectionate towards the baby. I-i know. His son. But, through our talk, Lula had not expected the child to be born into the world at all. But I'm so grateful that Lula loves that baby so much. Who could hate a creature as beautiful, as weak, and as adorable as that? I also destroyed it.

"Have you given him a name?" ask me while approaching towards him.

"Alden." she said with a smile. His face exuded calmness, as if the baby was the only thing that was precious to him.

"What a beautiful name." I said slowly, almost like a whisper. I was afraid to wake Alden up.

"He's very handsome. Her lips are just like her mother." Whisper again.

Lula smiled.

"You want to carry it?" ask Lula softly.

I was at a loss for words because I was nervous. But Lula didn't know about my nervousness, she just went over and put Alden on both of my arms.

Alden's.

My eyes were fixed on the little creature in my arms. Both of his eyes closed. Her skin is reddish. Small nose and lips. His fingers are small and fragile. I watched his chest go up and down because of breathing. I can only imagine his long-term future unfolding before him and for some reason.. I want to always be by his side. Support him and Lula.

A nurse came to take Alden and another nurse came with a tray of food.

I handed Alden over carefully.

Lula looked grim and could not take her eyes off Alden.

"Eat first. Soon, Alden will be brought back here. You need nutrition and energy to give it milk." I try to give him understanding.

Lula sat down and ate slowly. On the sidelines of my busy work, I always come to make sure to eat three meals a day. Now, my desire to come will be even stronger because also to see Alden.

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THE NEXT DAY..

Lula and Alden are allowed to go home. I'm going to take them to my apartment. With this kind of situation, I think it's the safest place for them. Lula's relationship with Mama has not improved. I just want to protect the woman I love. And now, I also want to protect Alden.

Lula was stuffing her things into the bag when she turned her head towards me. "Has Mama been.."

"He's still here. They will let him know if he can get out of the hospital. For the time being.. You and Alden just stayed in my apartment. Okay well? I'll also have my assistant look for a baby sitter."

Lula shakes. "I don't want to bother."

I let out a breath. "Are we going to talk about this again? Not troublesome at all. You need help taking care of Alden. You need sleep, you need.."

"I'll pay the rent to live there" Lula said again.

I took his hand. "Dance, Lula. Do what you want. Okay well? But look at Alden.. Think about it too. I want him to stay where he feels safe. I want you to be safe." The shadow of Mother Luna who had not been able to accept her granddaughter was completely worried about me, and it was better to worry about Lula as well.

"Thank you." he looked at me with a hard-to-understand look. I pulled him into my arms. I stroked his shoulder. Maybe he was helped because of what I did. But I feel otherwise. He helped me become a much more mature man, and I thank him for that.