My husband, Doctor Adrian

Self-confident

The noise of the washing machine makes me dissolve in daydreams. Adrian is going to Africa. That long. I don't know what feelings suddenly arise in my heart. For sure this is not a feeling of pleasure.

I know I have to support him. At least we loved each other. Really it? Didn't.. I still can't forget it until now? Who am I fooling right now?

If it makes him happy and gives him a purpose in life, then he should go. But why.. does it feel so heavy? After we split up, I always felt calm. I knew he would always be here, in our house of memories. I knew he was still in the same town as me. So close to me physically. Whenever I can meet him, even though my ego is too high to do so. Now, thanks to Mother, we meet again. It's heavy for me. Resisting the ever-present turmoil of feeling when I was nearby. I tried not to run to him, hugging him. Does he know how I feel about him? Doesn't it look obvious?

"Hawkins.." Adrian's baritone voice brought me back to earth. His voice was deep, cradling anyone who heard it. I miss this voice so much.

"Yes.. Why?" My reply. I hope he can't read my heart.

"Why daydream?" tanyakanya. He lowered his head slightly so he could look me in the eye, trying to find something there. I threw my eyes in any direction.

"It's okay.. I was washing clothes. Oh yeah, why don't you hire Tina again?" ask me to divert the conversation.

"He works at Mom's. Oh yes, you no longer need to clean the house. I can do it myself. Anyway, maybe I'll leave next week."

"What.. are you sure?"

He nodded. "I can help a lot of families there, La."

Alright. If that's your decision. But why does it hurt? And why is it getting sick to know that..you easily left me?

"Oh yes, Mom and Dad will also move again to New York next month. Might as well.. Next year is back." explained Adrian.

I tried to regulate my breathing, preventing tears from coming out.

"Can I ask you one thing?" I said quickly, saying whatever was in my head so I wouldn't cry.

"What?"

"Stop send me money. I work, really. I'm transferring back to you, huh?" I quickly pulled my phone out of my work pants pocket. I leaned my body on the washing machine that was on. Suddenly Adrian approached me and touched my hand, preventing anything I was doing.

"Don't."

I could feel his breath coming down my face. His fingers on the back of my hand. Our faces felt so close. It made me remember every touch he ever gave us when we were a couple. Body bristling.

I ventured to look at his face. His face is unreadable. I thought he would look happy or at least mediocre, but I was wrong. He looks sad now, for whatever reason. I wonder what the reason is, but I dare not ask.

"Just wear. I want to keep you funded until someday you find the right man, who can take responsibility for you."

Just by hearing those words, my tears fell. How I have made the biggest mistake of my life. I'm sorry, I gave up on him. I regret that I have demanded so much time from him. I'm sorry I haven't been a good wife to her.

Adrian's hand hung in the air, right next to my cheek. He was afraid to touch me. Maybe he thought I wouldn't like it. Maybe he thought I hated him. I wanted to scream and say that I would love everything he did, just so he wouldn't leave me. He can work as long as he wants, just don't leave me.

I didn't realize my crying was getting louder. It made her grab my body and hold me. He rubbed my hair.

What I never thought was the question. "Why?" He looked surprised to see me crying.

"It breaks my heart to see you cry.." *My heart is broken seeing you cry

I pushed his body back. I looked into her eyes, though everything was blurry with tears.

"Why do you think I'm like this?" I wiped my tears.

He seemed to think for a moment. "I don't want to be too confident" he said.

I snorted in annoyance, pushing her further away from me. So, he knows why. But he didn't want to say it. He knew that I was sad because he was leaving me.

"OK, okay.." Adrian pulled my hand out of the laundry room. He hugged my body from behind. "Maybe..you..re sad because of my passing?" ask carefully.

I'm not only sad, but I don't want you to leave.

But I didn't answer. I try to enjoy these moments. Both hands are on my stomach.

"Certainly that?" whispered. Surprisingly, his voice sounded sad.

I who already did not know what to answer could only nod.

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ADRIAN'S POV

Did you know. of different days and dates.. I'm most looking forward to the date one. Wh why? I can send my duty to you. And I was hoping you'd call me to be mad at me for doing it. But it never happened. But I still want you to live well. Blissfully. Even without me.

It felt like a dream when at this second, you were in my arms.

Are you going to beg me to stay?

Do you know that this is all just my effort to forget you?

Did you know nothing hurts more than losing you?

So, I'm going to be selfish now. I will use every opportunity I have, to vent my longing.

I closed my eyes and inhaled the fragrance of your body deeply. A fragrance that no one else has.

I just hope that, with my departure, there will be no more tears falling because of me.