My husband, Doctor Adrian

My love

ADRIAN'S POV

I slammed my body into the sofa. Weary. That's all I think. Maybe I take too much sedatives. Or alcohol. Or the sedative I took with alcohol?

Antidepressants are a type of medication used for people who experience depressive disorders. This drug works by increasing chemicals in the brain that are associated with emotions and mood. I take this medicine sometimes, when I'm too weak to function like a normal human being. This drug makes me feel happy and excited. And I really don't want to feel it.

While sedatives are useful for slowing brain activity, the goal is for users to be more relaxed. It is usually given to people who have anxiety disorders. I've been in a lot of anxiety these past few months, so I drank it like it was my cure.

I am aware that both, if overused can lead to addiction and even death. Haha.. Deaths.. It made me remember how many people in this world are afraid of death. What a sickening thought. Or maybe. I am the only one who has no desire to live? It can be seen from how addicted I am to sedatives. Feels like.. I fell into a deep abyss and had no desire to rise.

I was ready to close my eyes when I heard a knock on the door. A one-time. Twice. Whether it's reality or my hallucinations. I've been hallucinating a lot lately.

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I opened my eyes. Damnit. The effects of the drugs are over. I heard the door knocking. Are those Mom's servants? Don't they all understand I don't want to be bullied?

I walked slowly to the main door. I felt pain all over my body. Too much alcohol, drugs, almost never providing the nutrients my body needs is my diagnosis.

I propped my weight up against my hand that was leaning against the cold wall as I opened the door.

That's when our eyes met.

My love.

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Okay. I hallucinated again.

But not like my usual hallucinations. This time, his eyes were glazed. He seemed to be filled with various kinds of feelings that were ready to explode just like that.

I can't see it. There won't be enough morphine in the world for me to endure this pain. The pain of hurting you.

I closed the door with all my strength. I locked the door. I'm not going to see him. I knew I would only hurt him more.

"Adrians!" Exclaims. His voice is like a bell in my ear. Beautiful and intoxicating. I would give up my whole life to hear him say my name once more.

But, I'm a coward. Moreover, I was so fucked up. I don't want him to see me like this. "What's here for? Go!"

"I won't leave until you let me in."

I heard the sound of clothes clashing against the door. He's leaning. I approached, my hand touching the door, trying to grab it.

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I don't know how long I've been leaning on the door. Our backs are separated by only one of these mahogany doors. Suddenly the millions of fragments of memories we both flashed in my mind.

Lula..

I was wrong to ignore you. Until you finally get tired of yourself and choose to leave.

Now I just found out. I'm really lost without you. I can't be away from you. You are no longer by my side. Now I just know. I really need you. But, it's too late. I'm the stupid one. Me and my past experiences always haunt me. How I never had an example of how to love, what kind of husband you want.

"What do you call marriage, Adrian? What?!" That Lula sentence re-echoed in my mind. The last time we met. The saddest moment of my life.

The lightning that came out of the window surprised me. I walked quickly to my work space. I turned on the computer and checked the cctv, hoping that Lula would be gone.

I'm mistaken. He's still there. Leaning against the door, hugging himself. It looks like he's cold. I touched my computer screen, hoping to touch it. Not until a few seconds later, I half ran towards the main door, using all my strength. The thunderbolt sound. I turned the door lock. "Lake in." Say slowly.

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I watched him from the cctv as he was busy tidying up the house. I felt so weak, even to meet him was not able to. I lay down my body on the sofa, trying to hold myself back who wanted to run to hug her.

I don't know if God is good or testing my faith. Moments later, he walked into my office, took me out to eat.

"Your work, Adrian.."

I was half conscious when I replied to her. I was glued to her. A beautiful face I miss. But my words made him even sadder.

"You've tortured me by seeing you like this. You think.. I'll just shut up to see you like this? Don't you feel sorry for Mom?"

He covered his face with both hands, crying. I hesitated for a moment. But I pulled his hand and hugged him. My blood was boiling hot, holding something churning down there. Apparently drug dependence didn't numb me for Lula.

"Shhh.. I promised not to make you cry again." I said slowly. I inhaled the scent of her hair that was still the same as before. Drunk in it. I wonder in my heart who the lucky man who is free to do this with. Do this, or more. My jaw clenched, as soon as my emotions increased. But he was sobbing again. It makes me feel late in the present. I was holding him and he was holding me.

Never, ever cry again.

My love.

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We ended up eating together, I didn't want him to starve. He should eat. We ate in silence until he broke the silence by asking why I had resigned.

I was disappointed that Mom told him this. I don't want to make Lula sad, more than anything.

He looked at both of my wounded hands.

****. Please don't be aware of this.

He touched my hand.

"And so, why is this.."

Damnit. I hid both my hands under the table.

"Don't do that again.. Okay?" said gently.

I'm staring. Falling in love with her for the hundredth time today, and nodding. I'd do anything for you, Lula.