My husband, Doctor Adrian

Never Will Stop

I put the car in front of Adrian's house. I closed my eyes. A home full of memories, both beautiful and painful. In the garage was the Mercedes Benz I used to wear and the Adrian Range Rover. Suddenly my chest is beating fast. He's at home. We are only a few meters apart now. I'm willing to step in and not be a loser.

I knocked on the door. There's no answer. I didn't press the bell because I was afraid Adrian was sleeping, so I decided to just sit on the porch. I hugged my knees, leaned against the door. Sometimes I get back up and knock on the door, maybe every ten minutes. But there's no answer.

The sky is getting dark. I waited for almost three hours. I knocked on the door again for the second time when the door opened slowly. I thought there was no one because the door was so slow to open. It may be open to the wind, I thought, though I knew it was impossible. I pushed the door open wider. That's when I saw Adrian.

One hand he rested on the wall and one hand held the doorknob. He looked so thin and weak. There was a black hollow under his eyes. His cheeks looked thin. Hair's messy. My heart breaks to see it.

Our eyes meet. He looked so shocked, then as fast as lightning he closed the door back right in front of my face and locked it. He didn't even say a word to me.

"Adrians!" I cried while knocking on the door again, this time louder.

"What's here for? Go!" The voice I had long missed sounded weak. My heart was broken hearing it. How much does he hate me?

"I won't leave until you let me in" I half-screamed.

I slumped onto the marble terrace floor, leaning my body against the door. I'll never stop loving you, Adrian.

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I woke up when I heard the sound of lightning. Oh, my God, I fell asleep apparently. I saw my watch. It's six o'clock in the afternoon. I hugged myself, feeling cold. Cloudy. The drizzle started to fall and the wind was blowing pretty hard.

I heard the key playing. The door opened a little.

"Lake in." he said slowly. I couldn't see him at all, but I obeyed his orders. I stood up and went into the house. Adrian is nowhere. He must have intentionally entered his room or to his study after telling me to come in.

This house is still the same as my memory. It's just a pretty messy. Some of the vases that were in the living room are no longer there. I kept walking towards the kitchen.

"God.." Something poked my leg. I'm picking it. Glass shards. I shook my head, not understanding. I threw the broken glass in the trash. I spread my eyes around the house. There are hardly any more things made of glass in this house. Bizarrely. As I recall there were many things made of glass, but now they are all gone.

I decided to cook for Adrian. I opened the fridge. How surprised I was to see the contents of the refrigerator that was almost empty. If there is anything to eat, it is rotten or moldy. After a long search for groceries, I decided to make instant noodles. I know Adrian doesn't like unhealthy food. But this is much better than not eating at all.

After cooking, I headed to Adrian's study. I knocked. A moment of memory of my past came back. I was so scared Adrian threw me away.

There's no answer.

I pressed the doorknob. Not locked. I stepped in. The office is a little dark. There was only one small lamp on the table that lit up.

Adrian was laying his body on the couch. It faces the outside of the sofa. I know he hasn't slept, a few minutes ago he still opened the main door for me.

"Eat first." I said slowly.

He flinched.

"Your staff, Adrian.." I murmured slowly, more to myself.

I could only look at his face that was struck by an orange light. I forgot to breathe. Even though he looked messed up, he was still the most handsome man I have ever seen in my life.

"You've tortured me by seeing you like this." I sobbed. "You think.. I'll just shut up to see you like this? Don't you feel sorry for Mom?" I covered my face with both hands, crying.

The most unexpected thing happened. Adrian stood up. He pulled my hand that covered my face, put it on his waist, and hugged me. A feeling of warmth spread through my body. I really miss him. But there's something different about him. It smells like alcohol.

"Shhh.. I promised not to make you cry again." said Adrian slowly.

"You're evil.. You said you cared about health, but.." I'm hiccups.

He rubbed the top of my head.

Suddenly my stomach sounded. GOOD GOSH.. Perfect timing.. So shy.. I remember that I had not eaten this past lunch.

I could feel Adrian smiling. He pulled my hand slowly, towards the dining room.

We sat facing. At the dinner table we rarely used during marriage.

"I'm sorry, there's only this." I said. He did not answer, instead he immediately ate his first feed. I'm amazed. During his five years together, he never ate instant noodles.

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We eat in silence. He wasn't looking at me at all. Instead, I stared at him continuously, trying to record him in my memories. While eating, my eyes accidentally saw both hands. Both are full of wounds. I wonder, what happened? And where did all the broken furniture in this house go? Seconds later.. I'm sober. It must have been Adrian who broke it.

We had just finished eating when I ventured.

"Why did you resign?" my many.

He who was drinking water shook his head slowly, refusing to answer. I feel it's natural. He had always had a hard time revealing himself to others, and now it was clear. He had a huge trauma in his life. For a moment, I felt like I was the most selfish person in the world for hurting him.

"And so, why is this.." I stroked his hands with my fingers.

He looked surprised and hid his hands under the table.

"Don't do that again.. Okay?" I said softly, as if I was talking to a child.

He looked at me doubtfully, then nodded a second later.

"I'll be back tomorrow, and so on. Until you can take responsibility for yourself. Tomorrow, I'll bring groceries here." I explained.

I got up and washed the dishes. He was just sitting in the dining chair. I'm so sad to see it. It's obvious that he's not okay.