Lord, Accept My Repentance

Unpleasant Feelings

After finishing business at the cafe, we finally went home not forgetting to stop by one of the shopping.

Bang Rangga bought me chocolate as a gift to have accompanied him today, not just one chocolate but 5 at a time.

"Don't stop by Bang?" ask me to get out of the car.

"No need, this afternoon. Brother went straight home, yes, send the same greetings Om and Aunty aja," said Bang Rangga who I replied with a nod and slightly away from the side of his car.

He left with a honk, I waved my hand until the car was no longer visible.

Entering the house with Dad's car that was already in the garage, "Assalamualaikum," my greeting opened the door to circulate the view looking for the figure of the occupant of this house.

***

"Where are you from Rangga?" ask Mama when Rangga just arrived.

"Eh, from cafe Ma. Rangga told you that."

"Who's the guy?"

"Ma Nazwa."

"You two?"

Rangga who stood beside his mother nodded in confusion, not usually his mother like this.

"Do you like her?" asked Mama without further ado which made Rangga shocked.

"M-mama why is it like that?" gelagap Rangga knitted his brows.

"So, your treatment of Nazwa is unusual."

"No, Ma. Rangga doesn't like Nazwa."

"Well, if that's the case, let's go in!" invite Mama and answered nods by Rangga.

'Don't let them fight let alone be hostile just because of women, ' Mama's inner heart does not want it to happen to her family.

***

Time goes on, Mom is now married to the man of her dreams. While Bang Gilang was given the mandate to continue Mother's work.

"You want to go to college where Nazwa is?" mother asked when I visited her house to give her a gift.

I did not have time to come because there is business outside the city, invited Dad to vacation after graduating from school yesterday.

"Not to know, ma'am" I said formally as a guest.

Mother looked at me from top to bottom sitting in front of her, just the two of us.

My stepdad, I don't ask where that guy is. I'm just here for a little while not even intending to stay.

"You're an adult, huh? I'm sorry I let you grow up without a parent.

Let yourself be independent when other children can talk, talk and moan with their parents" said Mother with teary eyes.

I smile, though remembering the past still makes my heart cut, "Everyone has their own way of life, ma'am, maybe this is the way Nazwa lived" I said gently.

Mother wiped her tears, "If you have anything, don't hesitate to talk to Mom directly, yes."

I nodded my head, "In Shaa Allah Ma'am, Nazwa has other parents. They'd be very happy if Nazwa bothered.

Mom got up and hugged me, I didn't hate her at all. But, somehow it felt like I was very uncomfortable when I was nearby.

Like, me and him are two strangers with no strings attached. Maybe, because there used to be so many insulting words that Mom said to me.

So this heart froze and made a wall so high that Mom and I were so far away.

"You don't say that, son, I'm sorry if there was something wrong with you. Mother is just a khilaf to do that," she said with tears that filled her cheeks.

"Buk ... the child is a forgiving creature, willing Mom as rude or as hateful as she is without the mother apologizing she will immediately forgive.

So, there's no need to apologize for anything that I did to Nazwa. Nazwa has long forgiven Mother" I said, wiping tears on Mom's cheek.

Mom kissed my forehead for so long, this is the first time after 6th grade I've done this. Tears escaped my eyelids when I did that.

"Blessed son, be a successful parent to your child. Don't be like Mom" Mother said, cupping my face.

I nodded my head, "Mother, I will not let my child grow up without my selfish affections" I said again and again accidentally to Mother.

Scroll towards someone who was standing, when he accidentally looked at me looking at him. He just went in.

The mother lives with her new husband in her husband's house, she says her husband is also a widower and has a child who lives with his ex-wife.

I know from Bang Gilang, because Bang Gilang was invited to the wedding and came in time. As for me, I was also invited but was unable to attend.

"Bus ... Nazwa came home first, yes, Mama's promise for a second because" I said full of lies. I feel bad about that guy.

"Why so fast?" mother asked her to knit an eyebrow by lowering her hand from my cheek.

"Yes, there's still other business, ma'am."

"Indeed, are you working?"

"Not Mom, just help Dad because his assistant is on leave. While waiting to choose which campus Nazwa will enter better help Dad."

"Huft .. alright, you be careful, yes."

"Yes, Mom. Oh, yes, no need for a Nazwa transfer, ma'am. Inn Syaa Allah, Mama and Dad can afford to pay for Nazwa's needs."

"Well, that's Mom's job. Why anyway? Did one of the mothers give a snack to her son?"

"If he doesn't want to, yes, don't give it! Why should also be hard to give him money, children who do not know thank you like that!" the baritone chirps made me and Mom stare at the sound.

With a look that was not friendly, he walked closer to us. I smiled even though I knew I would not be answered.

"Yes Om, Om right," I said justifying his words and looked back at Mother, "Nazwa go home first, yes, Mother." Curse Mom's hand and kiss her with reverence.

"Assalamualaikum," salute me and leave the house without greeting my stepfather. I put it on the sofa table first.

When I got out of the house, I held my chest as if something was wrong and too worried.

'Calm down, I won't do anything. She must be happy with that man of her choice, my inner self and nodded. Sighs slowly walking towards the car that was waiting for me for about an hour.

"Where else are we going?" ask the driver when the car has come out of the Mother's home area.

"To the park, sir, but later I will go home alone. You can leave me after you get to the park" I said with a lethargic face staring down the street from the car's glass.

"Later to be scolded by Mrs Non," complained the driver looking at me from the rearview mirror.

I saw him who had displayed a frightened look, "I'll tell Mama later Sir, just calm down," I said to calm down and avert the eyes back.