Look At Me Once
L.A.S.S
Lathifa was awake even before the cock crowed at dawn, she could only fall asleep for a few hours. His heart fretted his mind was messed up, no matter what he did was able to make him feel calm.
Even the sky is still not bright out there, but he already looks neat is arranging a Cooler bag containing ASI for Azka to be sent to the hospital.
“Let later only mother who will deliver ASI for Azka, Thif,” said Bu Hana who was still wearing mukena bari sign finished performing dawn prayers.
“Lay Lathifa only, Mom. All the way, anyways also one way right,” replied Lathifa while inserting bottles into the Cooler bag.
“You focus on Azkiya alone, let the mother go back and forth to the hospital. You must be tired of having to go back and forth to the tomb as well. ”
“Lathif is okay, Mom. Lathif can really if you have to go back and forth between the house - the hospital and the tomb. Mom rest at home, yes.”
“But, Thif-”
“Udah, Ms. .. don't worry about Lathif. Lathif is young, Lathif is strong, ma'am. Mother at home only yes, mother must rest a lot so that mother does not get sick.” Lathifa interrupted her mother's words.
Shortly afterwards, a greeting came from the front door. Lathifa who already knew that the one who came was Bram and Ayu, she immediately put up her Cooler bag and approached the source of the sound.
“Aready, Fa?” asked Ayu who was standing in front of the door in her work clothes.
“Already, Mbak. Sorry yes ...Lathifa ngerepotin Mbak Ayu same mas Bram.” Lathifa felt bad for bothering Ayu and Bram too often.
“Yaelah, Fa .. relax, rich with anyone,” Ayu replied casually.
“Thank you, Son Ayu. You have helped us so often. Somehow it will be if there are no two of you,” said Ms. Hana sincerely.
“Iya, Mom. We sincerely help mom and Lathifa, instead we feel we can help,” Ayu replied sincerely.
“Let's go, Mas Bram is waiting in the car.”
After saying goodbye to Ms. Hana they immediately left for the hospital first to deliver ASI next to the cemetery which is quite a distance away.
Arriving at the funeral, Ayu and Bram take the time to pray for Azkiya before they return to continue their journey to their respective workplaces.
Lathifa was alone at the funeral. He sat there for a long time, cleaning the dried leaves that had fallen on the graves of his father, brother, and daughter.
Lathifa sat next to her father's grave, rubbing the belly button engraved with her father's name, Kusuma Hadi bin Ahmad and then rubbed the navel of her brother, Hafiz Kusuma Hadi bin Kusuma Hadi. His hand fell on a small belly button bearing the name of his daughter, Azkiya Zhafira Ibrahim.
“Assalamu’alaikum, Mr, Mas Hafiz ... How are you guys doing there? Are you guys happy?” Lathifa smiled bitterly hearing her own question.
“Bapak, Mas .. suppose you still exist .. huft.” Lathif let out a rough breath.
“Sorry that Lathif was wondering, Sir ... Mas. Lathif may be crazy huh, hahaha.”
“Do you guys know? Actually I am a child figure who still needs you guys very much, especially the figure of a father.”
“However, I have to accept the circumstances. That my adult process started from losing my father.”
“Bapak know? The world didn't look so good when you left me for good, my world has been devastated ever since you left! But I remember there is still a mother figure that I must always accompany.”
Lathifa poured out her heart with tears that she could no longer bear. “Pak, Lathif wants to tell you a lot about the pain that Lathif has been experiencing, about the suffering that Lathif has been swallowing alone. Lathif can't tell mom, sir. Lathif doesn't want mom to be burdened.”
“Give Lathif the power, Sir! A once solid force facing whatever it is!” Lathifa was unable to hold back her cries.
“If only Mr and Mas were still there, maybe Lathif would never lose direction, maybe all the burden that is in me will immediately you guys throw.”
Lathifa was silent for a moment, closing her eyes and controlling her emotions. Inhaling as much air as his lungs can hold, replacing it with fresh air.
“But it's okay, Sir, Mas! I'll learn solidly when the storm hits then! Just like you taught me! There's a mother I have to take care of, there's Azka I have to protect!”
“Oh yes, Sir ... I already have grandchildren, twins, another pair. Funny right? Mas Hafiz hard to have ponakan loh, two. Mas Hafiz happy right?”
“One will guard and protect Lathif with mother, the other Lathif entrust to you yes.. keep Azkiya for Lathif yes, sir ... Mas.”
...****************...
Morning began to say hello, the sunlight slowly entered to fill the corners of the room nuanced white with various medical devices in it.
The thick golden yellow curtains that cover the window glass in fact can not block the light into the room even slightly illuminate the face of the person lying on the bed. But this did not make the man feel disturbed.
Next to her, sat the sweet mother who always accompanied her. Umi Hanifa gently rubbed Alwi's head affectionately, how grateful she was for her son's consciousness after waiting two weeks but like two centuries for him.
“Thank you, Darling. You have fought and managed to come back with us,” said Umi Hanifa happily.
“You know? Umi's so happy you've opened your eyes, Al. Umi could not imagine what it would be like to lose Umi's child for the second time. You're all Umi has, Al.”
Umi Hanifa lowered her fingers, slowly rubbing the face of the tyrannical Alwi who now looks very thin even there are some wounds on the face of her handsome.
“You must fight the spirit yes, son. We are all always there for you.”
Yesterday Alwi had shown progress, in the morning he managed to open his eyes even in seconds. Later that night, he regained consciousness and even managed to make a sound even though he soon returned unconscious.
However, the smallest thing that matters to the family, especially Umi Hanifa.
“Fa ... La- thi-fa.” Alwi's voice sounded slow and flattened.
“Al, Son. You're awake?” umi Hanifa asked quickly when she heard her son's voice again.
Abi Husein who was busy with a small mushaf in his hand immediately ended his status and walked up to his wife and son followed by Raiyan who just arrived to deliver breakfast for Abi and Umi.
“Alwi darling .. It's Umi, Al.” Umi Hanifa continued to invite
his son spoke as he rubbed the back of Alwi's hand free from medical devices.
“You heard Umi right, Al?” umi Hanifa asked with a trembling voice, between wanting to cry but there was a sense of relief implied in her voice.
“Fa ..” For the time being only the name Lathifa is spoken from the lips of Alwi, maybe in his subconscious Alwi feels so guilty to Lathifa that only his name is imagined by his mind.
Umi Hanifa looked at her husband, could not bear to see the condition of her son and was confused how they could explain to Alwi the truth about his two wives.
As if understanding with the anxiety felt by his wife, Abi Husein patted his wife's back gently channeling strength and giving a little strength.
Slowly Alwi began to open his eyes, several times he blinked adjusting the light that entered into his retina.
He looked around him, he looked at the figure standing in front of him. He looks like his parents and his best friend.
“U-umi,” call Alwi slowly.
“Ya, Baby. Umi is here.”
“Where Al- Akh!!” Alwi was suffocated when he felt all his body ache and stiff when he was about to be moved.
“Sst!!! Don't move much, honey. The doctor will be arriving soon to check on you,” said Umi Hanifah to calm her son.
“Mi...” call Alwi very slowly make Umi Hanifa stick her ear closer towards Alwi's lips.
“La-thi-fa.”.
Umi Hanifa was aghast and immediately distanced her body from its original position. He is not willing to speak the truth.
“Lathifa is fine, Al. You don't worry.” Abi Husein joined the vote in his wife's place.
Abi Husain put on a soothing face for his son to believe.
“A-a-ni-sa?” alwi asked back still with a stammering tone.
“Anisa is at home, Al. He was resting at home,” Abi Husein replied making Umi Hanifa as unwilling to hold back her cries. But as much as he could, he tried not to cry in front of his son.
The doctor arrived and began to check Alwi's condition, Umi Hanifa ran out of the room followed by Abi Husein who was chasing after her.
Arriving at the deserted corridor, Umi Hanifa crouched down hugging her knees. His cry broke without a sound, there was a heavy burden in his heart felt tightness and excruciating pain.
From behind Abi Husein woke Umi Hanifa and pulled her into his arms.
“Umi is sick to see Alwi, Bi. Umi is afraid, Umi does not want to lose another child, Bi.”
“Suustt ... Istighfar, Mi. Be assured that Allah is with us, Allah will surely help his servants who are in trouble.”
“How will he explain it to Alwi, Bi? Umi does not have the heart, Umi is not strong, Bi.”
“Submit to Allah, Mi. Leave everything to God only. Kun Fayakun.”
