Look At Me Once

Must Survive

“It's all complete, Ma'am?” ask a man in a typical project worker suit complete with PPE on his body like a tall boot with a helmet perched protecting his head while standing in front of Lathifa's rented house.

“Already, Sir. Everything is 100 feet,” replied Lathifa while pointing to some large plastic storage box in which has been neatly arranged rice box made by Lathifa and her mother.

“Thank you, Ma'am. Later in the afternoon I will come back again,” said the man while giving some money sheets to Lathifa. The other two moved the storage box into the car.

Lathifa also received the money, not forgetting she thanked him and developed a sweet smile. Not the intention to spread charm, but Lathifa felt grateful God was still kind to him by bringing sustenance that is very helpful to his life now.

After leaving her hometown 6 months ago, Lathifa and Hana's mother decided to go to a village far from the city. The village where one of Hana's mother's friends lived long time ago did not meet.

Access to the village is not easy, the distance traveled to get to the village from the city takes about 3 hours by taking public transportation. It also still has to ride a motorcycle about 30 KM away, there is no public transportation to enter the dasa.

For a month they lived a simple life with a little money left in his mother's account, plus Lathifa also sold all her valuables including her laptop and cell phone.

Their lives are very simple, lucky mother Ida, her friend mother Hana recommended Hana to make a catering menu one of the big company projects that are running not far from where they live. Until the last 5 months, the life of Lathifa and her mother can be helped by the busyness.

“Mother to market first yes, Thif. You're fine at home, don't go anywhere,” Hana's mother's message before leaving her daughter alone at home.

“Iya, Mum.” Lathifa said she knew her mother forbade her from leaving the house for fear that she would be hurt to hear the babble of a neighbor who thought badly of her pregnancy.

‘Surely she is pregnant with an illegitimate child.’

‘Yes, it is possible that they were expelled from their village because of the disgrace of those who became pregnant out of wedlock.’

‘Look at her age, she is very young. 20 years pregnant, said she is married, but surely they lied to cover it.’

Lathifa recalled the words of some of the citizens who accused her without proof, but there were also some good people. Despite not defending her, at least there are still people who do not accuse her and tell people not to talk about Lathifa's pregnancy.

At first everything was fine, but the last 2 months many rumors were talking about him. Lathifa and her mother chose silence, free to tell them the situation.

As Ali bin Abi Talib said, ‘There is no need to explain yourself to anyone, because those who like you do not need it. And those who hate you won't believe it.’

As much and as hard as Lathifa denied all the accusations, they would not simply believe it. Moreover, Lathifa was only a newcomer whose origins were unclear to the surrounding residents.

Lathifa entered the house, slowly sitting on a mattress lying on the floor. He looked at the 3x4 room carefully, the room that became a shelter from the rain and the sun, there was only the room that became their room and a small kitchen and bathroom in the back.

His hand grabbed the picture frame attached to the wall, a photo depicting 4 different figures of the middle generation smiling happily. Lathifa looked at the figure of the Father and his mother sitting together, while behind them stood herself in a red and white uniform, while her brother wore a gray white uniform.

“I miss the father and mas Hafiz,” said Lathifa stroked the faces of both.

He returned the frame and changed to take the frame next to it. “How are you doing Anisa? I hope Mbak is healthy always,” Lathifa sincere prayer while looking at her portrait with Anisa.

“I miss you so much, Ma'am.”

It is not easy to live now, but Lathifa must survive for the future of the child who is still in his stomach, an innocent child, the future, not knowing anything and not fitting to bear the consequences of the mistakes of adults who are too complicated.

...****************...

Alwi nibbled his temple with his right hand resting on the table. His heart kept on fidgeting every thought of his conversation with his wife's doctor this afternoon, as if the oxygen around him had vanished unnoticed, Alwi felt his chest was very tight and agonizing.

‘Seeing the state of your wife who is increasingly declining, Ny condition. Anisa is already in the final stages humans can survive. The cancer cells have spread and cannot be stopped, you must be prepared with all the consequences at any time, Mr. Alwi.’

Alwi had the privilege of holding all the rumbling on his chest. “Astaghfirullah, Yes Rob.”

Pias Anisa's face appeared in the shadow of his mind, he did not want to leave his wife even for work. On the other hand, Alwi wanted to find Lathifa's whereabouts directly without having to rely on his family's man.

But his desire must be quiet because his heart is heavy apart from Anisa. Alwi felt fear, fear of the missed seconds was the last time he could look at Anisa's face in this world.

Moreover, Alwi also had to pretend not to know every groan and cry that Anisa felt because of the cancer cells that hurt her body, the moans that Anisa always covered with her sweet smile that adorned her pale face.

“Mas ...,” Oozed Anisa woke up from her sleep.

Hearing his wife's voice, Alwi got up and approached towards the weak body of Anisa lying down. Alwi kissed Anisa's forehead, this time he stayed in that position for quite a long time, then he sat beside Anisa's bed.

“Available?” alwi asked with a smile towards his wife, even though his heart was turbulent he did not want to look pitiful in front of his wife.

“Hmm,” Anisa replied softly, sounding very faint because of obstructed oxygen mask.

Alwi gently rubbed his wife's head, even though his eyes had turned red holding back his tears.

Anisa just wants to give her peace and also her husband, she knows the anxiety felt by Alwi even though the man did not show it.

“Mas,” called Anisa, she gestured with her fingers for her husband to come closer to her.

“There is no Rabb who is worthy of worship but Allah alone, there is no ally for Him hu. For him the kingdom and all its praise. He is All-Powerful over all things, ” he whispered in Alwi's ear.

Alwi was stunned, he woke up from his fear. Anisa's words gave her peace, God is all. God will solve every problem of human life.

“Don't be sad, Mas. I'm fine,” said Anisa comforting her husband.

“Sayang...” Alwi was only able to continue stroking his wife's head, he felt defeated by his wife. He should have been the one to encourage Anisa instead of the other way around.

“Mas, promise me one thing.”

“Hmm, whatever it is, dear. If I am able I will try to grant it to you.”

Anisa regulated her increasingly heavy breath, the color of her lips fading, her cheekbones were increasingly clearly prominent, her body was already thin as if there were only bones and skin on the body.

Anisa looked at her husband's face. “Bring home Lathifa, Mas. I want to see it before I get back to Him.”

Hearing the last sentence spoken by Anisa, spontaneously Alwi could not hold back her tears.

“Don't leave me, Darling ..”

Seeing her husband crying for her, Anisa smiled faintly.

“I beg you, Darling. I didn't know I had to live this life without you,” Alwi said in a hushed voice held back.

“Mas ...” Anisa held her husband's hand. “Every soulful will surely return to Him, you understand very well about it.”

“Let me die first, darling. Don't you-”

Anisa directs her hand to touch her husband's face, she caresses a sturdy jaw overgrown with thin hair that is unkempt. “There is Lathifa who will replace me, she is better than me, Mas.”

“Nothing replaces you!” alwi said with tears already flooding his cheeks, so much fear of losing Anisa.

Anisa looked at the ceiling of the room, her eyes glaring far at the incident that made her lose their baby.

“You remember that time?” anisa's question made Alwi's forehead wrinkle thinking about it.

“The young man who died helping me.” Anisa was silent waiting for her husband's reaction, but Alwi was silent.

Anisa knew that her husband was very unwilling to discuss the accident back then, but when did he have to keep everything to himself? Alwi must know before it's too late.

“Mas,” call Anisa weak, she grabs her husband's hand. Her eyes met her husband's.

 “Lathifa may be the young man's sister.”

Deg.

Alwi was stunned, his eyes widened with a racing heart.

“Honey,” Alwi's voice choked.

Anisa shed her tears. “Sorry to say all this to you, Mas.”

Alwi who froze with a mute tongue was only able to listen to his wife tell her preconception all this time about Lathifa's brother and father. Alwi could only be speechless, only claustrophobic, regretful, and annoyed mixed into one mastering his feelings.

Occasionally Anisa has trouble regulating her breathing so that Alwi tries to calm his wife so as not to rush and not talk much. After giving her confession, Anisa said, “Find out about the Lathifa family yes, Mas. Ask the doctor for permission, the account wants to visit their meal. Please, yes, Mas.”

At that time Alwi immediately contacted Raiyan for help.

“Find out all the info about late father and older brother Lathifa, include brand photo, asap!” alwi orders Raiyan across the phone.