Look At Me Once

One Request

“Mas tired ya?” asked Anisa while rubbing Alwi's shoulder with tenderness.

Alwi looked at his wife's face, his hand moving back to Anisa's. “If you see you're tired I'm gone, darling.”

Anisa chuckles while hitting Alwi's arm slowly without energy, a warm feeling spread on both cheeks causing a reddish pseudo that looks beautiful in Alwi's eyes.

“Mas already ate?”

“Not yet, deliberately waiting for you to wake up so that you can bribe the same you,” replied Alwi made Anisa blush embarrassed.

“Mas ... uh, it's weird that you're crunching so,” said Anisa turned away trying to hide her face.

Alwi who saw his wife wrongly chuckled slowly, although Anisa could only lie on her bed, at least Alwi wanted to always make her woman always smile.

Alwi arranged the position of the bed so that Anisa could half-sit, he then took a bowl of porridge that had been prepared by the hospital.

“You eat first, yes. I'm bribe.”

Slowly Alwi spooned the warm porridge into his wife's mouth, a bland porridge that became a daily meal for Anisa.

“Not good huh?” tanya Alwi looked at his wife speechless as he continued to look at her.

Anisa stared fixedly at her husband's face, observing every line of curves of the face of the man who had been her priest for almost 8 years as if afraid to forget the man's face.

“Mas, you'll remember I kept going, right?” anisa asked very quietly sounding like a whisper.

“What are you talking about, honey. Don't talk a no-no.” Alwi was afraid that if Anisa had spoken, she would definitely discuss separation and death.

“I'm tired, Mas.”

“Spend first the porridge later you sleep again, yes,” replied Alwi quickly trying to divert the conversation.

“I miss God, Mom. Want to meet with Him.” Anisa calmly said those words, even a beautiful smile was engraved on her face. His eyes closed as if he was imagining his encounter with the Master of the Universe.

In contrast to her husband, Alwi actually increasingly feel tense made. Millions of fear were in his mind.

“Sayang ..” call Alwi with raucous voice.

“I want to tell God the same, Mas. There is a very good servant, he wants to receive an arranged marriage from the teacher who has guided him. His teacher's naive nephew, he had indeed fallen in love for a long time at his grandfather's boarding school. Even after learning that the santri was to be betrothed to him, without feeling ashamed, his teacher's nephew first asked his uncle to express his feelings to the young man.” The memories of the past brought Anisa on her happy day, when Alwi shook her papa's hand and pronounced a marriage contract for her.

“Honey, already ..” pinta Alwi who has held back her tears.

“After marriage, I just found out that the young man was too cold, stiff, and indifferent.” Anisa chuckles slowly remembering it.

“Even honestly he said he couldn't fall for me at the beginning of the marriage, even though he gave me my rights as a wife,”.

Anisa is silent to remember her past memories, she who lived and grew up in pesantren owned by her grandfather because often left to go abroad by both parents.

Anisa who must harbored a sense in one of her grandfather's students that she so admired. He can only keep the taste alone, because Anisa knows that in her family still holds tight matchmaking customs for their grandchildren.

Since she learned that the admired santri was the person chosen by her grandfather as her future husband, at that time Anisa also expressed her heart to her uncle and santri teacher, Ustadz Hamdan.

“I'm sorry, dear,” great-granddaughter Alwi with a quivering voice, her heart was broken considering the moment.

“But maybe God still loves me. Despite having to lose our baby and I was convicted of not being able to have a child forever -” Anisa set her breath, she continued to tell stories despite her increasingly hoarse voice even occasionally gone.

“There is wisdom from the disaster, slowly the Quran memorizer was slightly withered. Slowly the young man was willing to open his heart to me, embrace me and be very considerate of me,” Anisa told me as if there was no Alwi by his side.

While the man Anisa was talking about kept shedding his tears, Alwi could no longer bear to not cry, he cried as a form of regret.

It is true, people say, regret always comes at the end. Maybe the goal is to let us have more time to learn, learn and take the meaning of life.

“Even in my infallibility as a woman, the young man named Alwi Husein Ibrahim never said divorce let alone hurt my heart with infidelity. Maybe he respects me as the nephew of his teacher.”

Alwi put a bowl of porridge on the table, he held his wife's tiny fingers. “I'm happy to be married to you, honey. I really love you and love you so much.” Alwi's eyes were puffy by tears that poured out profusely without being able to hold it anymore.

“Don't keep lying to your heart, Mas. I know you really sincerely love me after I was admitted to this hospital, about six months ago,” elak Anisa.

Anisa increasingly imagined back in the past, she remembered a message that was often spoken by her grandfather when she was a child. “True Abah Atha said, marry a godly man, who when angry never hit, never humbled even though he knew very well what my shortcomings as well as a confident man in looking after me.”

“Honey, I have not regretted it, I hurt you often,” elak Alwi.

“You are the best husband that Allah and Abah Atha chose for me. Although I knew all this time you only respected me, even so I was happy, Mas. Although not long ago I received the sincerity of your love, but all this time you always try to make me as happy as you can. You've tried your best, Mas.”

Anisa cupped Alwi's face with her limp right hand with sober energy, she looked up at the man she loved so much. “Then from that, I want you to be happy and ask you to remarry a woman of my own choice. I want you guys to have kids, and live together forever.”

“Honey, it's enough yes,” iba Alwi can no longer he hear the narration from his wife.

Anisa smiled, giving spirit to herself. “Finally you were involved in an arranged marriage for the second time, I'm sorry, Mas. I know you don't like matchmaking, it must be hard for you.”

Alwi cupped his wife's face. “Honey, already. You are my only wife, you will be my heavenly angel later,” said Alwi continued by kissing Anisa's forehead.

Anisa sighed heavily, regulating the oxygen that would enter filling her lungs. “After Lathifa, you become more romantic, Mas. I know you just want to convince yourself that your love is only for me.”

 “Sstt, already yes.” Alwi continued to try to make Anisa stop her racket, she felt devastated, slapped with all the words of his wife who seemed to corner her.

“You know, Mas? The happiest day for me was that night, when you refused to sleep with Lathifa and said a word of love to me blatantly. When you look frantic and pull my injured finger even in front of Lathifa and mbok Ijah, you are never that romantic before. Am I evil if it's like that?”  

“Honey, you are not such a woman.”

“Even I am jealous of Lathifa, the girl is able to enter into your heart and mind in a fairly short time, whereas I am ..”

Anisa closed her eyes, enduring the pain she felt in her head. For a moment she fell silent, and Anisa smiled again. “ Mas, if I'm gone, we will definitely meet again in heaven. In the afterlife, there will no longer be jealousy and resentment. There is only calm and happiness for all its inhabitants.”

“Nis ..” Alwi could no longer hold back his feelings, he could not fight his fear when the angel Izrail suddenly picked up his wife

“Please promise me, Mas!”

Alwi shook his head slowly, he did not want to accept his wife's request.

“Find me with Lathifa for the last time, Mas. I want to apologize for dragging her into our lives,” pinta Anisa expectantly.

“Honey, focus on your health first. We will meet Lathi-”

“I want today, Mas. You picked up Lathifa for me yes.”

Alwi was speechless, he could not bear to see the face of his wife.

“Mas..”.

Alwi stared fixedly at his wife's face, forced him to accept her request even though he knew that he would not be able to fulfill it.

“Iya, later I pick him up yes, now you eat again.”

“Promise, Mas. After I finish this porridge you will go to pick her up.”

Alwi just nodded his head slowly, he then took the bowl of porridge that he put earlier and returned to feed a spoonful to his wife.

Many things raging in his mind made him feel dizzy in his head. ‘Where will I look for him, Nis? All this time our family has mobilized many people to search for their whereabouts, can I bring it before you today?’