Look At Me Once

Feel Guilty

In the morning Lathifa woke up as usual, but she did not dare to leave the house after dawn prayers like the last two days because her husband had now returned from his out-of-town service.

Lathifa decided to go to the kitchen to help Anisa and Ijah mbok. But when he arrived in the kitchen, Lathifa did not find the whereabouts of Anisa, he only saw Mbok Ijah alone was preparing with his combat tools.

“Good morning, Mbok,” greet Lathifa when it is beside mbok Ijah.

“Good morning, Sister Lathif.” Mbok Ijah returned a complete Lathifa greeting with a smile on his old face.

“Mbak Anisa where, Mbok? Tumben not down?” asked Lathifa as her hand reached for the vegetable that had been prepared by mbok Ijah.

“Indeed Mbak Lathif doesn't know?” ask back mbok Ijah.

“Know what, Mbok?” ask Lathifa confused.

“Mbak Anisa overnight will stay at the pesantren, Mbak.”

Lathifa was silent for a moment, it was only appropriate that last night when she came home, the house looked very quiet.

“What events are there in pesantren, Mbok?” asked Lathifa curiously, some days he rarely chatted with Anisa or other residents of the house.

“Mbak Anisa said there will be a wedding thanksgiving event of her late aunt husband with one of the ustazah there, Mbak,” explained mbok Ijah.

“Oh...” Lathifa nodded her head to hear the explanation from mbok Ijah, she was not too familiar with the big family from her honeymoon or from her husband's side.

Lathifa continued to chop the vegetables in front of her, for some reason in her little heart Lathifa felt a sense of guilt towards her honey.

Lathifa tried to preach, recite remembrance and pray in her heart hoping to dispel the anxiety that increasingly enveloped her.

The longer Lathifa the more imagined will be the fear of hurting Anisa's feelings that have been so good to her.

“Fa, you're on ap-”

“Akh!” Lathifa suffocated with widened eyes feeling the skin of her hand slashed by a sharp object that had been grasped earlier.

“Be careful, Fa .. sorry I didn't mean to surprise you.” Anisa pulled Lathifa's hand and cleaned the blood coming out of the incision.

Anisa looks confused to see Lathifa's gelagat, just because of a small wound Lathifa cried? This was by no means the Lathifa trait that he knew as a tough female figure.

After washing Lathifa's wounds and making sure her blood didn't come out too much again, Anisa pulled Lathifa over to sit on the living room sofa.

Anisa took the medicine box and painstakingly she began to treat Lathifa's injured hand. While Lathifa just sat quietly according to it with a focused view forward but looks empty.

Again Lathifa daydreamed, she remembered when she first came to this house and accidentally made Anisa surprised and injured her hand to the point of bleeding.

Lathifa still remembers when Alwi scolded her for this, and how gentle and romantic Alwi's attitude was to treat the wounded Anisa.

Lathifa imagined that if her husband did the same to her, she might be very happy.

“Fa,” Anisa grasping Lathifa's hand made Lathifa realize from her daydream. “Why you?”

“A-I'm fine, Ma'am.” Latifa stammeredly answered her honeymoon question.

Anisa stared fixedly at her little honey face, she could not believe what Lathifa said.

“If anything disturbs your mind, do not be harbored alone, Fa.”

The soft sound coming from Anisa's mouth made Lathifa feel even more tightness in her chest as if something was pressing against her ribs and ready to crush them.

“What are you thinking, Fa?” anisa asked quietly, she carefully spoke so that Lathifa would open her voice.

“Why are you daydreaming? Didn't you even hear my greetings?”

Seeing the sincerity given by Anisa destroy the defense that had been built by Lathifa, a small sobbing slowly emerged from Lathifa's lips. “I'm sorry, Ms. Anisa.”

Seeing Lathifa crying in front of her, Anisa's eyes also glazed over. He was confused as to why Lathifa suddenly cried and apologized to him.

“You're not wrong, Fa. No need to apologize.” Anisa took a tissue and gave it to Lathifa.

‘Sorry, Sister Anisa. I should not have been present between the two of you, Lathifa's inner’ in the middle of her stuffing, eager for Lathifa to take out all the burdens in her heart and acknowledge everything. But he was afraid if Lathifa missteps and damaged many things.