Look At Me Once

Strong Woman

Lathifa woke up when she felt her throat was very dry. He grabbed a glass on the table beside his bed but it turned out that the glass was empty, he forgot not to fill it earlier. Very slowly he got out of his bed, carefully not wanting to disturb his mother's sleep. The lyrics of the clock above the nightstand show at 00:30 in the morning.

With a slow step, Lathifa sneaked out of the room intending to fetch some drinking water in the kitchen, Latifah was still faithful with a veil attached to her head. He realized there were other men in the house because they were hitching a ride in someone else's house.

Two days he had lived in the house of Bram and Ayu, although his heart refused to accept the help of the young couple, but Lathifa and her mother were forced to accept it. There is no other way for him, he wants to find his own rented house but the savings he has are only enough for the delivery process later.

Lathifa paused her steps briefly in front of the owner's room when she faintly heard the conversation of a couple in the room.

‘Hopefully Lathifa will accept this outfit of mine yes, Mas. This outfit she can wear after giving birth later, although only a little.’

‘Why didn't you buy clothes just?’

‘He refused, Mas. Yesterday after the midwife I took her to the clothing store, but she always refused.’

‘He will definitely accept it, dear. He will understand your good intentions.’

‘I can't bear to see it, Mas. His age is still very young, should not he bear such a heavy burden.’

Lathifa continued her steps, not intending to listen to the conversation of the couple. He felt bad because it had troublesome Ayu and Bram. Lathifa did not want to be a burden to both.

Arriving in the kitchen, Lathifa took a glass and poured water into it, but her mind floated until her eyes were blank. He remembered the midwife's speech that afternoon.

‘You know, the importance of doing USG on pregnant women? Your gestational age has entered 7 months, why not even though you do USG?’

The series of questions that Lathifa was unable to answer, although the Midwife said them in a soft tone, but it was enough to make Lathifa's heart sliced. Moreover, the midwife suggested that Lathifa immediately check the condition of the baby further in the hospital in the city center.

How wicked she is as a mother, not wanting to ignore the fetus in her stomach, but it is circumstances that force her. In addition to the cost problem, the distance to go to a large hospital to do USG was quite far from the village.

“Astaghfirullah!” lathifa screeched as she felt the cold water in the glass in her hand spilling everywhere.

Lathifa blinked her eyes and shook her head quickly. All those thoughts should be immediately dismissed. “Yes Allah, show your power to the servant.”

After wetting her throat, Lathifa returned to her room and did not forget she brought a glass filled with water with her.

But again he had to hear the conversation of the homeowner who slightly disturbed him.

‘How about we just raise Lathifa's son as our son, Mas.’

‘Don't be too hopeful, Honey. We don't know if they'd be willing to give the boy away to us.’

‘But I also want to be like other women, Mas.’ Ayu's voice sounded implying a lot of sadness.

‘My words you were always perfect as a woman, dear. I'm not concerned about your shortcomings.’

‘But we've been married almost 10 years, Mas.’

‘Don't 10 years, even a lifetime I'll gladly accept it.’

Deg.

Lathifa's body was riveted, her entire body stiffened, especially her numb leg muscles were difficult to move. He returns to his past story, a mistake that leads him into deep wounds.

There was a fear that haunted him, a fear of making the same mistake a second time. ‘Lupain, Fa! You won't be another household destroyer anymore!’

Lathifa forced her feet and dragged her to immediately return into her room, trying to calm her heart and mind.

Until dawn before Lathifa could not close his eyes. He continued to move restlessly without realizing that the mother had been awake and kept watching him from now on.

“What is bothering you, Thif?” hana's mother land succeeds in making Lathifa surprised.

“How can mom sleep if you keep moving restlessly like that.”

“Sorry, Mom. Lathifa woke up Mom huh?” Lathifa tilted her body to face her mother with a guilty face.

“Mother is not angry, Thif. Do not put on a face like that,” said Hana's mother gently if rubbed her daughter's hair lovingly.

“Cerita be with mom, Thif ... It's okay, don't hold it yourself.”

Lathifa was silent to listen to his mother's words, she wanted to devote everything to her mother but on the other hand Lathifa did not want to add to the burden of her aged mother.

“Why silence?” asked Hana's mother to look at her daughter's face.

“Kok even cry? Come fast story with mom, mom even feel sad if you just keep quiet like this, keep everything alone.”

Lathifa grew more and more silent with tears that she could not hold. Hana's mother who saw her daughter like that was getting sadder, she pulled Lathifa into her arms.

“Ceradize! I'm not your father, darling. I don't want to lose a loved one for the umpteenth time, you have promised me to always be strong and live with mom no matter what, Thif.”

Hana's mother's words made Lathifa sob in her mother's arms, she felt increasingly guilty to the figure who had given birth and raised her all this time, the figure that was always there for her. A flash of memory a few months ago was reflected in his head.

Under the heavy rain accompanied by lightning striking each other, a young woman staggered directionlessly down the village streets with the lighting of a lightening lightning strike that was mutually unpretentious.

The strong wind that hit his body did not stop his steps. The night is too late for people to pass, the doors of the houses are closed, all the inhabitants choose to warm their bodies in the house.

The young lady with a very messy appearance, drenched clothes only wore shoes on one of her legs. I don't know where his pair of shoes that live next door went.

With a straight-forward blank look, the woman walked over without stopping her mess. “I'm tired! God does not love me! All the people went to leave me!”

The tears on her cheeks were wiped away fused with the rainwater that soaked her entire body. He stopped his steps, without thinking that the woman climbed the wall in front of him, right in the middle of the bridge under which the river flowed with a fairly heavy current let alone the rain all day flushing the earth.

“Bapak, sorry ... Lathif gives up, Lathif is tired sir, Ma'am ... Lathif wants to follow the father and mas Hafiz there.”

Lathifa advanced her right leg one step forward, the whisper in her heart to jump and end her life getting stronger. Amidst the despair, someone suddenly pulled his hand violently making Lathifa's body bounce off the sidewalk of the road with a middle-aged man.

“Astaghfirullah! What are you doing?” the man shouted to ward off the sound of rain.

Lathifa was silent to see the big man with white skullcap in front of her, her body shivering and her lips unable to be moved crying in silence without a sound.

The middle-aged man had just returned from attending a lecture at one of the boarding houses in the city. He opened his suit and slipped into Lathifa's body. “Quiet, Son. Never despair of His mercy, verily Allah is with those who are patient.”

Not yet had the man asked for a name, suddenly Lathifa lost consciousness. With the help of his wife who had been in the car, Lathifa was taken to a nearby clinic and received treatment from the medical team.

The next day after Lathifa's condition improved, a good man who had been keeping an unconscious Lathifa overnight at the clinic drove Lathifa home to her rented house. He was a religious figure in the village where Lathifa lived, commonly known as Ustadz Imran.

Tragically bitter events were not always dark, thanks to the fate that brought together Lathifa plan ustadz Imran and ustazah Azizah, slowly Lathifa began to accept his condition and began to study with the Azizah.

“Don't be forced if it's hard, son,” said Hana's mother as she let go of her embrace and restored Lathifa's consciousness from her past memories, a foolish act that is now the one thing she regrets the most.

“Mom knows you still have a taste for him, however he is the father of your son. Never forget it if it is difficult for you, just try to forgive him, although forgiving is not easy, but we can still try.”

“Bu..” Lathifa hugged her mother again, her crying broke again.

“Mother knows how hard it is to forget something that was once present in our lives, then never force your heart to erase its traces.”

...****************...

Happy fasting for those who run, may our worship be given smooth aamiin 🤗🤗