Look At Me Once

The Beginning of Change

“What is this, Mas?” asked Anisa stared at the two paper bags in her hand that had just been given by her husband who had just returned from his out-of-town service.

“Gamis,” replied Alwi. “I saw it on the way home and bought it for you,” he continued while changing his work clothes in casual clothes.

“I and Lathifa?” ask Anisa to make sure.

“Hmm, please give it to him yes,” pinta Alwi because he himself feels confused and awkward to give the game directly to his young wife.

Anisa stared at the look towards her husband. “Why don't you give yourself to Lathifa, Mas?”

“You alone gave it, Darling.” Alwi rejected it subtly.

“Aren't you supposed to sleep in Lathifa's room this week? Why did you go to our room, Mas?” anisha warned her husband.

“Hmm, I forgot.” Alwi pretends to do it accidentally, but he is not ready to meet his young wife.

Yesterday night Alwi was made unable to sleep well all night because the shadow about Lathifa continues to haunt him, even throughout the journey home he continued to imagine about his young wife.

After last night he asked for guidance to the Lord of Heaven and Earth. Alwi made up his mind to start everything from scratch with his young wife.

But it turns out that everything is not as easy as said by him, in fact practicing it is much more difficult than he expected.

Alwi comes out of his room and Anisa with a paper bag proffered by Anisa who refuses and forces Alwi to give the game itself to Lathifa.

With a lethargic step Alwi went down the stairs to Lathifa's room.

Chequek!

Alwi opened the unlocked door, but he felt a little hesitant to enter it.

‘Bismillah!’ alwi said in his heart and rounded his intentions.

“Assalamualaikum,” says Alwi lirih.

Although he did not know Lathifa was in his room or not, but at least Alwi said greetings to the creatures who were in the room even though he did not see their existence.

Alwi stepped into Lathifa's dark room, turned on the lamp and moved the paper bag in her hand and placed it on her young wife's study table.

“Not come home yet,” Alwi told himself.

Feeling tired, he laid his body on his throne bed. Without waiting for a long time Alwi was soundly asleep.

While Anisa prepared to go to the boarding school because she was told to help prepare for the wedding of one of the ustazah with her uncle.

After finishing packing, Anisa came out of the room and went downstairs. She sought her husband's whereabouts but did not find it.

Anisa thinks that her husband is in her honeymoon room and she does not want to disturb her husband who may be resting.

“Mbok, later please tell mas Al, I leave for boarding school yes,” Anisa said to mbok Ijah who she met in the kitchen.

“Iya mbak,” answer mbok Ijah.

“Thank you, Mbok.”

“Mbak Anisa alone? Not with Den Alwi?” ask Ijah before Anisa leaves the kitchen.

“No, Mbok. Mas Alwi exhausted just came home from out of town and maybe was on a break,” Anisa replied politely.

“Oh,” reply mbok Ijah while nodding his head.

“I go first yes, Mbok. Assalamu’alaikum,” farewell Anisa.

“Wa’alaikummussalam,” mbok Ijah replied to greetings from Anisa.

“Oh yes Mbok, later if Lathifa comes home do not forget to remind to drink the milk!”

“Good, Mbak.”

Anisa always reminded Lathifa to always drink milk even mbok Ijah was ordered to follow her honey monitor.

Anisa wants the honey to get pregnant soon and have a tiny baby who will enliven this house. Just imagining it has made Anisa's heart flowery.

Although not from her womb, Anisa will always love the baby and can't wait to pick up the baby's arrival.

...****************...

In the evening, Lathifa came home on her favorite motorcycle. He parked his motorcycle in the garage of the house and immediately got into it.

Lathifa entered the locked house, slowly opening the door and closing it again without making a sound.

The state of the house was already very quiet when just heard the sound of azan isya in the mosque there, Lathifa thought if everyone was carrying out their obligations to the Creator.

Lathifa walked towards her room and directed her hand to open the door.

But Lathifa held back that intention because she felt a dizzy in her head, her gaze slightly blurred. He just put one of his hands on the wall and tried to hold the weight of his body so as not to fall.

‘Am I overdoing it huh?’ lathifa asked herself.

The last few days Lathifa deliberately busied herself to dispel the turmoil she had felt since that night. He deliberately left before sunrise and returned home after the sky turned dark.

“What do you do?” asked Alwi who was already standing behind Lathifa made the woman jump in shock.

“Astaghfirullah!” lathifa said as she placed her hands in front of her chest.

“Why just shut up?” alwi asked, he pressed the light switch that Lathifa did not do.

“Why are you here?” lathifa was still in shock, she did not expect that her husband had come home even now standing in front of her.

“Can't?” asked Alwi coldly. “This is my home!” he continued, he then left Lathifa who was still glued to his place.

“Eh, not so-”

“Why go home late at night?” tanya Alwi probing cut Lathifa's sentence.

“Eh, Emh-” Lathifa looks misbehaved and confused to give an excuse, there is no way he honestly said if he was trying to remove the shadow of the man in his mind.

“Already, next time don't repeat!” alwi's orders, he chose not to dispute them. Doesn't he want to mend the relationship between himself and his young wife? There was no way he would look for trouble on the first day he was reunited with Lathifa.

“Yes, sorry,” replied Lathifa softly even sounding like a whisper.

“Take wudu, I wait!” alwi's decree succeeded in making Lathifa again surprised.

Alwi looked at his wife who did not budge in the least from her place, he raised next to his eyebrows. “Wait for what else?”

Lathifa regained her senses and rushed towards the bathroom for ablution, she kept all the questions raging in her heart. Lathifa did not want to make her husband even more angry with her.

“Assalamu’alaikum warahmatullaah ..,”

“Assalamu’alaikum warahmatullaah,” said Lathifa lirih following her husband.

Lathifa's heart beat increasingly irregular because this was the first time she prayed together with her husband.

The marriage was almost run for a year, but between the two have not been open to each other. Especially Alwi who still with his high ego has built a high wall that is difficult for Lathifa to tear it down.

Alwi turned his body to face Lathifa, giving him his right hand so that his wife could kiss him.

With a hint of hesitation, Lathifa welcomed her husband's hand and kissed him reverently. Although she was not a pious woman like Anisa, at least she knew her adab and her obligations as a good wife.

“There is a robe for you,” said Alwi after finishing praying and cleaning his alphabet.

“Gamis?” ask Lathifa to make sure.

“So morning I bought it on the way home, look! I put it on your study table.”

“Thank you,” said Lathifa, she cleared her face and walked over to her study table.

Lathifa looked at the paper bag her husband meant and grabbed it and slowly pulled out its contents.

Lathifa was fascinated to see the gamis in her hands, beautiful and beautiful. She did not know if her husband could choose such beautiful clothes.

“You like it?” asked Alwi, who had been sitting on his milieu, preparing to rest because his body was still tired.

“Iya, thank you,” Lathifa replied briefly, she still felt scared and awkward dealing with her husband.

“Thank God you like it. Go to bed and don't stay up!” alwi's sweat before he lay on the bed and covered his body with a blanket.

“Hmm.”

Lathifa put the robe back into the paper bag and stored it. He walked to the bathroom after picking up his clothes in the closet.

“Didn't you forget that incident? Why do you remember tonight? It happened a few days ago, almost a week ago. Forget, Fa!” his orders to himself.

Lathifa looked at the reflection of her face in front of the mirror, an event that she desperately wanted to forget just went back in circles before her eyes.

“Forget, Fa! Maybe Mas Alwi has seen a little of you, the proof is that he remembered to buy a game for you!”

Lathifa came out of the bathroom and found her husband sleeping in his bed. He decided to immediately lay his body on his bed, Lathifa felt lately his body feels a little unhealthy.

Lathifa looked at her husband's blanket-covered back, her eyes locked looking at that back.

‘I do not hate you because you have taken my chastity, Mas. I know it's my duty as a wife, but I get hurt when you see me as someone else, not myself.’

After looking at her husband's back, Lathifa pulled the blanket over and stretched her body. ‘May this be a good start to my marriage with her.’