I'm The One You Throw Out

Deepest Regrets

Last night for Zafran to think about Hendra's words, things he never expected for his entire life too. The frustration that attacked him due to the problems of Naina and Lita plus Mother who had a stroke, made him lost his mind and almost out of control.

If it wasn't for Hendra holding him back, he might be lying in the IGD room by now. Adding up the number he had to pay.

Memories of events last night flashed through the mind, filled with endless regret if the stupidity he did last night. Luckily, none of that happened until he was still able to stand in that place at the moment. Staring at a large high building again magnificent, like a palace of kings.

"Zafran, what the fuck are you! Suicide is a great sin, you will never be forgiven. Mending you take ablution and pray. Dude, Zafran. You may have been far from God. Don't act stupid!" hendra said that night, she was shocked to see Zafran holding a pair of scissors and pointing it at her neck.

Hendra quickly snatched the sharp object from Zafran's hand and threw it away carelessly.

"Please me! Let me die. My life is no longer useful, Hen!" Zafran.

"I am free to live, no longer useful. Everything is broken, there is no hope for me to survive in this world. My property is running out, my wife is a fraud, that child is not my child either. My life is completely ruined" Zafran cried out in mourning for his fate.

Plaque!

One slap landed quite hard on his face. Hoping to awaken Zafran from his folly.

"God doesn't like desperate people. He prefers people who come to his house to beg for forgiveness. You idiot! Do you think suicide will solve the problem? No, Zafran. That will make the problem worse. Stop acting stupid, and come to your Lord. He's waiting for you to make a penance" Hendra snapped as he shook Zafran's collapsed body on the floor.

The man wept bitterly, aware that ever since he knew Lita the distance to his Lord was getting farther away. Unlike Seira, who always reminds herself like an alarm that does not let her master be negligent in the dreamland.

There he was, in a small building provided by the hospital for those who want to make out with the owner of life. Zafran dropped his head on the prayer mat, sobbing to release all the heavy burdens on his shoulders.

His hand squeezed the cloth, grasping the hot embers of sin to make his heart turbulent. In prostration, his shoulders to his back shook violently. Wailing on the Power to be generous to him gives a little peace to his heart.

"O Allah, forgive me, Gusti! I'm a sinner, a very sinful one. Forgive me, O God." Zafran wail.

Seira's shadow of tears flashed through his mind, too many sins he had committed on his ex-wife. The stronger the sobs when remembering all the sins against the woman.

"Sey, I'm sorry. This is a punishment for me because you have wasted your life, have expelled you and your talak for no reason. I also love you nothing, if God is kind, I want to meet you and ask for forgiveness. O Allah, forgive me all my sins. Forgive all my khilaf. I sinned, O God."

Zafran lamented that night, humbling himself before God the Owner of Everything. Outside, Hendra heard the wailing of his best friend. It was heartless to see the suffering that man was suffering.

It was all because of what he had done in the past. Now, he must be willing to mengetam the results of what he harvested.

Oh, destiny. All of these are divine secrets, no human being can know what he will encounter in the future. Gratitude for all that has been had before all goes and regret pervades fill the heart.

Hendra stepped in, performing two rakaat prayers before talking to the man who was still crying in his prostration. The man who had been desperate for the fate that befell him, was unable to do much to improve all.

"You want to know a secret? Secrets that I'm supposed to keep for a lifetime even until I die, but I think you deserve to know everything." The sentence slid straight from the young doctor's mouth.

Zafran froze, the pace of his crying paused, wanting to know the secret his best friend meant.

"What's? What secret?" tanyanya trembling.

Zafran's heart was pounding, really he waited while hoping the secret that Hendra said was good news that gave him little hope.

"You have a son, Zafran. He's healthy and growing up well."

Zafran turned away quickly, his swollen eyes glaring in disbelief. Whirling down the bead belonging to the young doctor.

"I don't believe it. Maybe not the barren Sei, but me. The proof until almost five years of my marriage with Lita, she wasn't pregnant either. Plus Naina is not my son, not my seed. Who would want me to believe? Nothing" Zafran replied in despair and he accepted his destiny as a barren man.

Although his lips said so, but another in his heart. His mind kept on watching the Seira boy he saw at the restaurant. Stunned Zafran when the innocent and handsome face smiled while playing in the mall this afternoon.

Don't.don't..no way!

Hendra let out a long sigh at the stupidity of Zafran which always seemed clear on the face when thinking hard. His eyes widened wide as he looked up at Hendra. The young doctor nodded in understanding Zafran's question through the look in his eyes.

"The day you kicked Sei out, he just checked himself out here. Then, declared pregnant by an obstetrician. I saw the medical records myself, but since you kicked her out without giving her a chance to talk and dropped the talaq, Seira didn't you until you found out about her pregnancy."

Hendra smiled with a sneer, he continued saying, "You fool, Zafran. Though you know what Lita is like, but still you marry her and Talak Seira. Now, everything has been revealed, make a reference even you can not. You're also not entitled to the child because you've never paid for them."

Zafran's tears fell without command, now he's really sorry. His soul and body were confined in an eternal sense of regret. He cried hysterically, dropping his head again on the floor of the mushola.

"So that kid's my son. Oh, my God, geez, Gusti! Forgive me, O God. I'm sorry!" zafran melangit.

"What's? Have you met them?" Zafran nodded, perhaps only Hendra himself did not know Seira's return.

She shrinks in tears while staring at a house she bought for Lita and sold to Fatih, Seira's husband. Hoping to see Rayan, or even being allowed to hug her.

In fact, after nearly three hours of standing there, none of the residents of the mansion were seen coming out. The building looked deserted, like it had just been abandoned.

"My child! Rayan, son!"