(Revised) Regretting It Too Late

Heart song

After driving me home and talking about who the girl in the restaurant was, and also his sincere love for me Mexca asked for my phone number because it was erased he said.

"Oh yes Din, can I have your number again? Because your number used to be erased" Mexca said politely, and we exchanged handphon numbers again.

"Later I'll call you" said Mexca and she got straight into her car which was driven by Faris.

As much as Mexca I immediately cleaned up and prayed, after putting the sleeping Lea on my bed. In sitting together I daydreamed, I was confused by my feelings, because the sense of pleasure, fear and sadness came together as one. I did want to be selfish with myself, but after going like this I became afraid of myself.

I saw Lea who was fast asleep, I rubbed my daughter's head. I wonder why he's so clingy with Mexca who's not who. While all this time he didn't even want to do with Dido mas.

I held Lea in my arms. And I want to feel like I'm back like him, who doesn't have to think about things and think things are the same without any difference, so that I can express my feelings freely without any burden. And unconsciously I also fell asleep beside my daughter.

After I woke up and woke up in my sleep, I recalled the incident in the restaurant. My chest feels tight if I remember everything. Because honestly I like the Mexca's treatment and concern for me, but I don't want to break the rules by adhering to a priest who is not the same as my beliefs.

"O Allah, I ask for guidance from Your knowledge, ask for strength from Your power, and ask for Your great gift, for I am not in power with you, and I do not know that you are the Knower of the Unseen.

O Allah, if you know that this affair (my relationship with the Mexca) is good, pleasing to religion and myself, then establish and ease the life he then and bless me, and if you know that this is bad, both for my religion and for me, and the consequences of my business, both in the present and for the future, then keep him away from me and keep me away from him, set the best things according to them, then rejoice me.”

I rested and asked for His guidance, because I did not want and did not want to be wrong in stepping again. I don't want to fail again and get hurt again.

It's time to go back and work again. As usual, I cooked and brought provisions, somehow walo conscience tried to refuse but I could not do it, as if I had lost to my will.

Before leaving for work I came to the cafe to see - look because it's been a long time never come. Just put Alea in there. Arriving there I went straight into Dido's mas room, while Lea played along with Adil's mas.

After seeing all the reports that have been prepared by Dido mas and also I have signed I immediately left for the office, because the time has also shown at 8 am.

The atmosphere of the office was very peaceful when I came, and everyone seemed to be looking at me politely. I was confused and asked what was really going on. And during the break I who want to ask just hear them chattering.

"Hey did you know that when I saw our boss declare love to the AL designers, I was so shocked. It turns out that the boss is ferocious - it is also romantic so swet really know" said the office employee who last weekend saw the scene that has been done by Mexca to me.

"Well, really? It turns out that my guess is right if the boss is what's up with the AL designer. Hihihi" timpal his friend.

"It was an AL designer's manger who teased the boss, because I saw him go in the boss' room a few times. His style is pretentious, but his behavior is not.!" said one of them who just came, I don't know who he is and from which department.

"Hey, you don't talk carelessly about people." replied the emotional man who represented my heart.

"Why? Yes indeed. The proof is that he never married but had a child, a pawn of children that result" he said again and it really makes me want to be angry.

"Your mouth is if you speak heart-heart, if not you yourself who will be difficult later" said someone I know his voice, said, and it's true that she was Merlin's secretary who came to pick me up for Mexca's room, for lunch together.

I who see and hear their prickly shoes feel bad and also upset, because someone who calls me carelessly.

When I was in Mexca's room I didn't know what else to say, I was confused. I want to tell a story but I'm afraid the guy got in trouble and I'll be blamed for complaining.

"Dear, why? Are you not feeling well anymore?" Mexca asked me with a worried tone, after we finished eating.

"Sir, I'm just tired." I lied, because I don't want any trouble, and I want to work quietly.

"I want to talk" we talked together.

"All right, you go first. Tell me what to say, hem?" he said while looking at me full of love.

"Deg, scared? Afraid what? Didn't I tell you not to back down, because I can't back down anymore" he said firmly

"I'm sorry, but I still need more time for everything" I said in a pleading tone, hoping he wouldn't get angry.

"Well, I'll wait until you're ready. But for that, please don't run away from me again. I'm sorry, but I can't lose you again, you know me, right?I can destroy everything, but I won't be able to destroy you. So don't ever run away, because I won't give up on getting you." she asked me or rather the threat, and I felt uneasy about it. Because at least he's not forcing it brutally, and I can still explain it slowly to him when I want to avoid it.

After the departure of Adinda who finished lunch, Mexca became dumbstruck in her chair, while staring blankly at the files stacked on her desk.

"O Allah, what is this path of guidance from You, you sent Alea to me so that I know that the woman I love is alone." muttered Mexca as she stared at the files piled up on her desk.

Mexca drowned in her daydream, because after she heard the phrase plea from Adinda who asked for time, all that made Mexca so confused. Actually since the morning Mexca who saw Adinda come to the office she already knew there was something strange with Adinda. Because Adinda seemed to shy away from him, and to try to install a barrier between them.

"Adinda. I never heard him accept my expression of love. He accepted all my feelings, but I could still feel the doubt in his heart. Does she still like her ex-husband? Or did he have to accept me? I'm sure he likes me too, but why is there still a sense of doubt in him over me. Are there any words I said that were wrong or that I was exaggerated? Do I have to step back and approach her slowly.?" various questions danced to the hearts and minds of the Mexca, leaving the Mexca long immersed in the question of Adinda.

In the confusion Mexca remembered the words - ki Yai Manaf. That God will give what His servant needs is not what His servant wants. Mexca closed all her work, and she wanted to complain to her Lord about her problems with Adinda.

Mexca took her foot out of the room and she drove her car home. Arriving at the house of Mexca immediately cleansed himself and opened and read the holy verse of the Qur'an until a long time, almost 3 hours long Mexca reciting the Holy Verse of the Qur'an, the Holy Quran, until unconscious time has shown at 6 pm.

"Allah has mercy on us from Your side, and perfect us for our righteous guidance in our affairs."

Allahumma inni as-aluka nafsan bika muthma-innah, tu'minu biliqo-ika wa tardho bi qodho-ika wataqna'u bi 'atho-ika.

"O Allah, I ask You who are at ease with You, who are sure to meet You, who are pleased with Your ordinances, and who feel sufficient to offer You"

I begged and continued chanting do'a-do'a so that I would not feel worried and continue to feel confused. Everything I do is almost like a heart song that I sing all the time and all the time if I remember Will himself (Adinda).

In each prostration Mexca always remembered Adinda, and Mexca also always mentioned the name Adinda in all the do'a she said. As if the name Adinda is a talisman and a blessing to Mexca.

"Hem, loving someone like this is so torturous. Like a kite - kite that must be constantly controlled by the yarn so that it is not interrupted and loose." muttered Mexca when he finished doing work out of his city.

While Faris who was in front of him was supporting him just silently listening to the chatter and mutter Mexca which sounded like a song of love that did not arrive.

"Faris, why do you just shut up, not criticize me." Ask mexca to Faris who had just been quietly listening.

"What am I supposed to say? Everything you said you answered yourself from earlier." replied Faris explained.

"Yeah..." Mexca sighed deeply.

"Do you think Dinda doesn't like me?" Ask Mexca to Faris.

"Why don't you tell me the truth if you have embraced Islam and a belief in it?" Ask Faris back to Mexca.

"I just want him to like me because of me, not my beliefs. I want him to like a Mexca without any other frills" Mexca replied, leaning on the back of the car with the cover closed.

"Your love is complicated" Faris replied

"You think I don't know about your love either?" mexca says by showing its grin. Faris remained silent without comment.