(Revised) Regretting It Too Late

Loss

The fact that came over me in a row - this tube has really made my life a mess, and it feels like I can no longer face this world. My life seemed to have been ruined to the point of being a fragment and meaningless.

"Mas. Mas Bram's. Is it papa? Does anyone hurt. What happened mas.? Dinda will help Bram to finish it." she said softly and smiled at me. And it makes my heart feel warm.

"Minda. Nothing, everything is done is okay, you can do it yourself. So you don't have to worry that." I said, smiling too.

"But, this isn't right, this is wrong"

"Why didn't Bram tell me that before? The way you married is wrong"

"You guys, you're really good to me"

"Dinda, Dinda jangaaaaaan.! Haah I dream, so it's just a dream. Why could I dream of that. And why did Dinda's face look sadder and sicker in the dream." I was jolted because I dreamed of the Adinda incident that got the fact I got married again.

I feel guilty for him. Everything I did to him seemed to be replayed like a film recording in my memory. All the events of that time were like a very hard whip on me.

So that every time I feel the problem that comes to me is so heavy, and I can't solve it myself, at that time, I somehow remembered the Adinda who was always there for me. And I started to feel like I needed him.

And to calm my heart that always felt guilty and remembered him, I too often suddenly stood in front of the door of the room that used to be occupied by him from his first entry into this house, until he gets out of the house. I haven't opened that room since he came out and left this house.

How cool I was when I opened it and I found out that the contents of the room and the decorations attached to the walls of the room were all frames of our wedding photos.

And every year there is a word that is written so beautifully and filled with eating by it. He attached those words to each photo decorated with sizable pigoras. As a anniversary of our wedding.

1 Year wedding anniversary

Marriage is a bond agreed by two human beings to live together and love each other in every way of life passed.

2 Years of marriage

In every marriage, like life, also can not be separated from various problems. In order for the problem to be unsustainable, there needs to be a sense of mutual understanding and honesty among married couples.

3 Years of marriage

Household is not only lived with love, but also with common sense.

Because in the household is not about who is the best and great, but how we are together to be better and great every day.

I hugged tightly our wedding photo that was attached to the bedside table. I regret all my actions and mistakes that I have done to her during our 3 years of marriage.

I am so sorry to have wasted such a great woman and wife in my life. I don't know if he's been trying to accept our marriage and trying to accept and learn to love me.

I wish time could be turned back. I want to be strong and take good care of him. My eyes can no longer hold back my tears that begin to overflow without me being able to control them again.

The tightness in the chest that was getting heavier I felt made my breath seem lost.

I lamented all my deeds and mistakes I had done to her when she was by my side and became my wife.

Now that the room Adinda used to occupy has become a favorite room for me, I spend a lot of my time there. Sometimes I even sleep in that room.

"Mas, did Bram regret divorcing Adinda. Does Bram want to come back with Adinda?" Monica asked me on the sidelines of our dinner.

"I don't know, I'm confused where to start" replied me who was confused to start again.

"Ooeeeeeee... Oeeeeeeee."

I heard Mona crying from the living room and Monica ran to see her. Because today bi Dami asked permission not to enter work.

Early in the morning when I woke up and came out of Dinda's room, I didn't see Monica or Mona, whether they went anywhere early in the morning, without saying goodbye to me.

That afternoon I chose to eat at Adinda's cafe, I chose a fairly far from my office, because I hope to meet her. But I didn't see it.

"Sorry, isn't Adinda here?" ask me at the pegawe cafe.

"Oh, Mbak Dinda is now busy, because he is working with a company so rarely here sir. Do you know Dinda?" obviously the pegawe was to me.

Hope is only hope, almost every day I go to the cafe but never met Adinda once.

"Adinda, where are you now? Why is it so hard just to look at you." I lamented in a heart that was eager to see her.

I began to feel his presence meant so much. I feel like time could go back 3 years to when we were just getting married. The loss of him was so painful and excruciating for me.

After returning from the cafe I drove my car but not to my house but to my mother's house. When I got there I said nothing, I went straight into my room and took a break.

"Bram, wake up at night." My mom's tramak woke me up from my sleep.

After I finished eating, I told my parents about a DNA test I had done a few weeks ago with results that were not to my liking.

My parents didn't comment, they were silent as if they knew this was going to happen to me.

"Ma, I've lost Adinda so much. The more here it feels the more crowded and torturing me. I regret letting go of her." I told my mama.

"Your remorse is being told Bram's late. I told you a long time ago, you'll regret knowing who he is?" obviously my mama was to me, and sure enough I had regretted and also felt a loss of her.

"Can I go back and talk to him? I want to be with her again." I said to my heart.

"Do you want to repeat your actions again. What about your wife, what are you gonna do to her.?" Ask my papa, which makes me shut up.