TriAngels

TA 50'S

TA 50'S

After my chat with Bang Gama a few days ago, I started to keep a little distance with him. I realize he's disappointed in me, but I'm more disappointed here.

Good thing Mama Papa is still in Jakarta, so I can still relax a little, no need to cover my sadness. Mbak Minah Art in this house several times gave me spirit, wherever he knows my problems.

Every day after Bang Gama went to work I enjoyed my time daydreaming or just watching the drama, that was all I could do especially I was in a hitch. Bang Gama sleeps at home every day, and I don't think this is fair to Dea.

I smile to remember that I still think of Dea, but I used to not like her, but in this case I can't blame her either, as a woman, I know that she certainly does not want to be in this position.

When I used to accompany Mama to watch soap operas in flying fish, I always said that only a stupid woman would let her husband have more than one wife, but now I understand why it could happen, because that stupid woman is me.

Ku winiiiiss…..

My tears never run out, even those tears suddenly trickle down when I only remember my family, I'm sorry, so sorry. When I think I feel really alone, there is no one I share.

And I realized that being with Bang Gama was not closer to my family, but rather distanced. Is this really a marriage? I don't know…

In a few days Mama Papa will be back home, and I gave the opportunity for Bang Gama for a few days to stay at Kak Dea's house, at first he objected, I actually objected, but I realized after Mama Papa returned to live with us when Kak Dea and Bang Gama would be less, pity, let alone she was pregnant.

I smiled miris again considering my proposal, now I feel like being a strong, pretentious woman with a good heart. In fact, I kept crying.

“Dek, you didn't tell anyone about this?” Ask Bang Gama one day, I know he's not a believer.

After I applied for the terms of that time, she also put forward the conditions, the conditions were that I must always obey whatever she said, including prohibiting me from leaving the house alone, and holding a cell phone.

Yes all this time I was not dibolein hold a cell phone, afraid I act he said, and my phone he who held.

Why am I now like a princess who is confined to a magnificent palace, really more, but it is, I can only come out if at Bang Gama's friend, I can only go, can hold a cell phone or phone if he's next to me. Even my phone is locked password and only he knows the password.

Sucks.

But at least in this house I am free to do anything, I now prefer to cook with Mbak Minah, or make a craft that has been delayed because there is no time, now that I can actually make whatever I want, Bang Gama supports me, he even says he wants to make me a craft studio so that I am free to create.

I yes only at that time, it is he will meet all my needs, here I hold his secret, although he also limits my activities a lot, but I can still understand. As long as he doesn't bother me.

“Ziva, this is a gift for you, His wife Gilang also buy you some clothes, she will have boutique” said Mama Sinta while giving me some paper bags.

“Iya thanks Ma”

“Gama is still in the office?” Ask Papa

“Iya Pa”

“Do you not want to work? Before marriage you also work, right? Usually if you have already become a curry woman will be addicted” said Papa

“It looks like not Pa, will not be obtained also the same Bang Gama”

“Papa forgot, Gama will possessiv same as Papa, wife told at home continue”, said Mama

“The important wallet tetep full kan”Canda Papa

“Iya anyway, you just memenin Mama at home, money affairs let the men just who take care, we stay ngabisin” said Mama while laughing.

I just smile, honestly I'm still a bit clumsy if I'm with the Bang Gama family, because we're not really close, but I have to be anywhere now every day I'm going to stay with them.

After Mama Papa came home, Bang Gama is now so urgency, I also now become more indifferent to him, we are husband and wife, but do not expect me to treat Bang Gama as sweet as ever, in front of everyone we'll be harmonious husband and wife, but when I both keep nyuekin him, maybe he's upset because of that.

“Abang where to go?” ask me after we have dinner

“out”

Au sigh “Where?”

“Emang you care where you are going? Why also here if only dicuekin wife”

I sneered “again want to get attention in another house?” insinuations

“Do not start yes deck, I'm crammed now!” he said, and went straight away.

In front of him I would pretend to be strong, showing my evil side, my cute side, but when Bang Gama left and I was alone, I could only cry. And when I think I prefer to read the Quran, it calms down. I cannot tell anyone but the Creator.

Slowly I have started to adapt to the Bang Gama family, Papa who is temperament and likes to talk as he pleases, Mama who seems cute but talkative for forgiveness, he often protests this to me, he often protested this to me, but I consider it a form of attention.

I thought I wanted to have my own house, but where would my two in-laws live alone.

Not to mention if the banding-banding same daughter-in-law, Mbak Nila his wife Bang Gilang, the length of his business, sometimes Mama muji me and uglyin Mbak Nila, I'm just worried that again with Madam Nila she's just as ugly as me. Not to mention Mama Papa who is always proud of her only daughter Mona, Bang Gama's sister.

Mona is beautiful, take a bath, her son is funny and smart, just perfect. sometimes I get to the drums themselves, so much with his son, even though what I saw when Mona came was not that perfect, even though, as a woman she was quite lazy for household affairs.

I now also know a lot about the bad side of Bang Gama, getting married to him is like entering another world. All the attitudes I've never seen in him, all the badness now, and I hate that so much, because all the attitudes that I don't like about other people feel like they're all in Bang Gama.

I was confused, is this just an effect because I was already disappointed, so all the things he did I always did not like and hated. But I cannot deny, Bang Gama is basically a good man, whatever he will give to me, even though I'm indifferent he still continues to understand me.

“Dek...”Call Bang Gama when opening room door “Why?”

“new finish isya’an, what is it?”I asked while looking at him, I saw he was very cute, not careless and if it was like this it was clear that he was an old man.

“Nothing, I'm tired aja” he said while lying in bed.

“There is a problem in the office?”

“That's it, can you ask me for a moment? My head is dizzy” he said as he closed his eyes.

I let out a long sigh “sini sit first” I said finally.

I'm not good at massaging, but Mama and Papa used to ask for help me to massage his shoulder if it's dizzy again. The science that I used to try I terrapin to Bang Gama, his shoulders are so hard even dizzy, must be gluedin.

“so good deck, I think new this time you mijitin me dek” I just diem lazy to respond.

After quite a long time mijit Bang Gama held my hand “Udah deck, Makasih” said

I'm sitting next to him “You're not tired of my mijitin?

“enggak” I replied while shaking my head.

“Sorry I yes dek”

“alah Bang, bosen I dengerin brother sorry keep”

I said while nduk “How are you Kak Dea?”

“Baik”

“Contact?” ask me to doubt

“Sehat, have entered 4 months” he replied

I smiled miris, must have a big stomach, first when he came to this house the content is still 4 weeks, meaning my marriage age is also 3 months. It felt so fast, but so exhausting for me.

After that we both just keep quiet, our relationship is not as warm as it used to be, very cold. I tried to lie down because I was tired, it seemed like Bang Gama had also started sleeping next to me. I don't know why I cry, as a wife I really want my marriage to be happy, but what can?

Many things that disturbed my mind, all this time I have tried not cry, I always busy myself with many things. But every time Bang Gama's betrayal was painful, I felt lonely, sick, depressed. I had to pretend to be happy, but my soul was disturbed.

I like to imagine, if I had not split with Kak Al maybe I would be happy now to be his wife, if at that time I understand Kak Davin's invitation to marry past my household would be very pleasant, he said, If at that time I do not want to be invited to know Bang Gama, if only…

My life felt dead, I was alive but like I could not do anything, sometimes the thought of divorce but I was not ready to pay for the burden my family would accept, he said, as well as the casual sanctions when I became a widow at the age of my new marriage for corn, I did not dare to imagine what I would face later.

I was too scared to do it all.

And here I am, having to accept all the inner torments, pressures and all the feelings that I cannot express. I'm so devastated, the marriage I dreamed I wouldn't be able to achieve.

Having a polygamous husband, having to share everything with other women, I was sick.

I slowly felt Bang Gama grabbing my body from behind,

“Do not cry Deck, salahin brother, anuririn brother, do not pendam himself, do not law brother with cueknya kau” he said.

Hearing him talk like that I sobbed more, he flipped my body to face him, wiping my tears. “Maaf” said.

“Abang wicked... evil! I hate! What's my fault?!” my emotions are overflowing, I'm beating his chest.

***