The Little Doomsday of My Heart

Past times

"Abira... are you in a hurry ? I'll talk to you for a second" Alya asked

"Not Al, what's wrong ?

"Gini.. em.. You're Kaffa's friend from school, right ? he again needs an additional salary teacher to work at his workplace. Can you help me ?" alya said doubtfully

Alya explained at length so that Abira would accept the offer. Alya tried to persuade him, but still...

"Sorry Alya, I don't need a job anymore. Besides it was too late for me, before my papa came home from work I had to be home. I don't want to worry him"

Again Alya was stunned by Abira. There was disappointment in him. But of course Alya could not impose his will.

***

"He said so ?" kaffa

"yes" Alya replied

"Have you persuaded him ?"

"It was but still he insisted on not wanting to"

Kaffa was a little disappointed, big hope for Abira to accept the offer. Actually, he was very happy when Alya himself recommended Abira's name for him. But still, everything did not go as he wished. He knew very well how Abira behaved, surely he refused with his cold attitude.

***

At night Abira seemed to contemplate thinking about the offer he got. His eyes tried to shut, but unfortunately his heart continued to mutter. His mind was trying to replay an old memory of a person.

"Why me ? is there no one else ? his friend certainly a lot" murmured inner Abira

Flashbacks..

Abira tries to remember how Kaffa tried to get his attention. Actually he knows the effort Kaffa made, but Abira does not want to be shackled. Abira knows very well if he follows his other friends who are dating, it can interfere with his learning concentration. Abira is afraid of his achievements going down, especially if he has to be defeated by a man. He did not want to disappoint his parents.

Still, as a normal woman, Abira was certainly impressed by Kaffa's efforts. But he can hold it all down until the two graduate together.

Arriving one day at High School, Abira took part in a race at one of the city's famous schools. Unexpectedly he met Kaffa after 2 years of forgetting about it. But Kaffa didn't know Abira was there. Abira thought Kaffa was also one of the smart participants like him, but his guess was wrong turned out to be Kaffa participants in the lecture competition and Kaffa won it.

From that moment on Abira was interested in the science of religion. Given the fierce competition between the two, Abira's ambitious attitude grew and wanted to meet Kaffa again in the same race and defeat him.

But fate said otherwise, Abira's intelligence actually brought him to the awareness of his identity as a Muslim and he slowly migrated. Maybe this is what is called a guide. The more he learns, the more he feels stupid because there are so many things he does not know when it is about his own religion. Especially when he heard a lecture about closing the aurat related to the overflow of sin to his Papa, at that time Abira was determined to change.

Once Abira's wish materialized, he got the same stage as Kaffa. But unfortunately again they did not meet and Kaffa also did not know all that because they were in different sessions. It was even more painful for Abira when he had to hear that Kaffa won that race. With a heavy heart Abira must accept for the first time Kaffa can defeat him. That is why Abira thirsts more for religious knowledge and precisely the circumstances turn around, he admires Kaffa.

The lecture period arrived, from the actual ospek Abira already knew that he and Kaffa were in the same campus. However, Abira brushed aside her feelings because she knew it could ensnare her in a sin. For him Kaffa could be the greatest test in his idiqom.

The lecture period continued, during which time Abira also learned that Kaffa and Alya were related. Alya is a classmate. Often Abira saw them alone, both on the bus, on the street, on the court, even in front of the study building when Kaffa drove Alya at that time.

It was the first time Kaffa realized its existence. When Kaffa first shouted to call his name. Abira knew very well how shocked he was at that time, his heart was racing, but as quickly as possible he tried to avoid.

Abira thinks that the two of them are dating. Abira often holds back pain when her classmates gossip about Alya and Kaffa. As good as Alya covered it all, still everyone had a pair of sharp eyes and ears. Especially when Abira saw the victory of Kaffa during the debate race and Alya was at his side. All of that is very clear enough to prove what Abira had been thinking.

Plus the incident this afternoon, it was Alya himself who gave him a way to re-enter the life of Kaffa. Of course Abira had to reject it. It hurts so much if it has to be a workplace with people who have been filling the space of admiration in his heart. A man who developed so quickly with his intelligence and skill in speaking, Muhammad Kaffa Adzikra.

On one side Abira admitted their match. It turns out that during college also Abira secretly noticed Alya and admired him. The background of the pesantren hut certainly provides proficiency in Arabic. That's what Abira had wanted all the time hijranya, can speak Arabic. But Abira's intelligence has not fulfilled his wishes enough. Learning Arabic was not as easy as he had imagined.

All of that was enough to make her self-conscious and insecure to Alya. Although all this time about Islam his friends rely on him, but if Arabic is certainly superior Alya. Abira continues to feel that she is not comparable to Alya.

"Oh God help me. Don't let my heart be shackled by lust. Give me strength and patience so broad that I can live my days. Don't bring back the past in my life, you know how I feel"

"Let me remain Istiqomah in Your ways. Reassure me that he is not a good man to me. Don't raise my heart just to think of feeling in a pseudo-world" murmured inner Abira

Abira's hand continued to clench her chest. That irregular heartbeat accompanied his night. There was a worry he felt, yet he tried not to think about it. He keeps remembering the figure of Kaffa who is now with his friend Alya. The thought of accompanying Abira until a long night of sleep.

.

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seriate..