Status I Never Wanted

My Suffering After I Married

Now I can only accept my current situation. Not only that I even have to accept the talk - the talk of people against me for all these events and mistakes.

"Pregnant out of wedlock while still in school. Children today are still in school already can make children" this is one of the words I receive from people against me.

"His name is also a child who can not take care of himself to have to embarrass his two parents for his actions" said the person who talked about the incident that happened to me.

Which one news is spoken by them without knowing the truth from both sides, they are people who judge and comment as good as they do not care about the feelings of others, he said, including me who was then a tranding topic of their conversation.

Shame I definitely feel. Although everything they say is partly true, but I still do not accept the treatment of him who indulged in my disgrace.

I also know that not everyone thinks badly of me. In addition, there are also those who are concerned about what is happening to me at this time.

But this disappointment I can't keep so. I just want to kill that man right now with my own hands.

But seconds later I thought back to the baby I was carrying. If for example I really killed that guy.

What is the fate of my son. Who will be his father. Until finally I just let the talk - the talk of people against me and undo my intention to kill the man.

I can only stand by my situation now. And I don't expect much either. Later after this marriage happened I didn't expect much from him.

Day by day. I began to let people talk to me and I began to accept whatever they were saying to me. Until the time the marriage had arrived, they were still talking about my marriage, yes they were talking about my marriage which was only in kabul ijab only without any beautiful makeup like the queen I wear, she said, no wedding reception, no wedding entertainment etc.

I may have hoped that my marriage was not like this, but the opposite of my marriage. But what I can do is a fact that I have to accept.

"Why he's not coming home. Doesn't know the way home. But time doesn't know. He has known me for a long time and knows my home. Or maybe he's busy again." my words that I often say do not when I remember the man who did not come home again after a week away without news to me.

It was sad that I was treated that way. Then why would he marry me if he would only give this wound to me and the child I bear.

I didn't expect him to ask me. But what I hope he wants to ask me is the state of this baby I'm carrying. At least it has made him able to worry and care about this child.

But in fact it was just my imagination. It was like he didn't even want this baby. And let go of his responsibilities as a father for this child I bear.

A thousand - thousand disappointed will not make him feel sorry for me and his own baby. Because maybe this has become his nature of treating us like this.

"Sad he was, not the slightest bit of pity for me" my heart-sounding voice that felt disappointed at the treatment of the man towards me and my baby.

We never thought we existed or we never even existed in his life. Until he forgot the way home he was supposed to go.

"What am I supposed to do now? follow him back home or let him be so free from the responsibility he should have done." I said in my heart and mind at this moment.

Confused is what I feel right now. If I catch up with her to come home to my side, I'm afraid she'll kick me out and not accept me and the baby. But then I decided to just let it go and try not to expect it back.

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