Status I Never Wanted

Feel Scared

Because I don't want to dissolve in those sad memories. I don't want to remember it anymore either. Because right now all I have to do is take care of, give my attention and time to my son and my second husband.

Thank God my second marriage has been going on for three months. And all that time I and my little daughter felt happiness that I never felt and my daughter felt for three years before I officially married her.

The attention and love he gave us. And he didn't want to make us sad and didn't want to make us feel deprived while he was still able and able to fulfill what we needed.

The happiness I now feel when I see him loving my daughter as much as his own. But behind it all I was afraid that we would never have a biological child. Would I love my daughter like this or I don't know anything.

But I hope when I am given the trust again to conceive and give a child to my second husband. He could love my daughter like this. Not spared from later she has had her own child from me.

Not only that I also hope that later I will not discriminate - distinguish affection for them later.

I also want our lives to remain happy until our old age and the time when our children have had a family and lived happily with their families.

These three months. I still haven't experienced the signs - the signs will contain again. In fact, he also asked several times but unfortunately the answer is still no baby in my womb.

Until then I felt almost frustrated and not confident if I would get pregnant again or not.

But he always made me not act like that. Maybe it's not time we were given that trust. That's what she often said when I've seen pregnancy test results that are always negative.

Until I was finally patient to wait for that trust to be given back to me.

And the weird end of this I always don't want to be hugged by him and every time I see his face I'm always angry to see him. The feeling of wanting to vent the frustration happened like never before when I was angry with him.

This regret was like a vexation that I never felt toward anyone to the fullest.

He also had time to vent his emotions not when I behaved like that to him. But he held him back and it was also like there was a person holding him back from venting his emotions on me.

We were both amazed - astonished by my attitude these few days. Until we finally got used to my attitude.

My changes like this made us both feel very strange. And somehow my mother even advised me to use a pregnancy device to make sure.

He said he had filed that I was like a pregnant person who was always changing - change his attitude excessively as I experienced this.

"Son, you're trying to use a pregnancy kit. The rich mom is sure you're pregnant again" she told me.

"Then the ma'am. But I'm afraid to be disappointed Mom if for example it doesn't match the same thing that mom said to me." said I answered mother's words.

"Yes, at least try it first, son. Who knows if you're actually pregnant" said mom trying to convince me to use a pregnancy device.

"I'll think, Mom, try or not" I said in response to mother's words.

"Don't be long - long thought son. Let's know better sooner." said mom again to me.

"Yes ma'am" said I answer mother's words briefly.

Next Episodes...

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