My name is Maira

the end of the story -

***

Happy new life, good luck always.

A piece of the sentence I wrote in the comments post a wedding photo dimas and mila.

There are twenty-nine comments under the photo, one of which is mine.

Unfortunately, one minute after I wrote the comment, the photo was instantly deleted.

I then saw dimas's facebook page, I just saw two photos of dimas' wedding, I couldn't see any other photos.

Dimas blocked me from his facebook page.

I can't understand why they were blocking me, maybe they hated me, and didn't want to see my name again.

I then went to dimas' twitter page, and I still had access.

After I read the content of twitter dimas, I can conclude that dimas married mila a week ago, their marriage was held in solo, he also thanked rumi who had come to his wedding.

There are not many things I can see on twitter, not a single wedding photo on twitter.

Dimas has also returned very active on twitter, he always tells his daily life through twitter.

Seeing the news of the marriage dimas, my heart was instantly empty, I could process nothing but the shortness of breath I felt.

I went back to work according to the schedule I had planned.

I went home by train, because the price of airline tickets doubled.

For two days, I was still digesting the news I received.

I also didn't say anything to nia, and aunt rosa.

This morning when I was saying goodbye, I also put on a normal face and I told myself that I was not sad.

I was also confused about myself, I was not surprised, or immediately cried as before when dimas began his relationship with mila.

Surprisingly, the weight in my heart was lifted, and there was a void I felt.

The void, it turned out, made my tears start to fall slowly, along with the train that started to leave the station.

The sound of the carriage running, made my mind start to fill with dimas.

The built house in my heart, slowly, began to peel.

The silent space I could feel in my heart, dimas was gone with his life choices.

The marriage of dimas was the end point of my feelings of love for dimas.

I started crying over every memory I had with dimas.

I also cried over every dream to dimas that I should forget.

I chose to look at all the photos of my togetherness and dimas on my phone.

Each photo was filled with tears falling from my face.

Dimas choosing another woman, is a thing I never thought.

All the promises of dimas, and all the expressions of love dimas are still so fixed in my mind.

My heart aches a lot considering all my togetherness with dimas.

The pain increased every time I remembered the promise of dimas, that I was the only woman he would love.

Only a bitter smile could I engrave, discovering how foolish I was, thinking dimas would be faithful to his words.

I chose to put my phone back in the bag.

I began to wipe away the tears that fell on my cheek.

Luckily the car wasn't too crowded, and I sat alone.

I closed my eyes and thought, This time I have to do it right.

I have to burn all my feelings of love for dimas, I have to finish everything.

I just don't want to worry, if the voice when I accidentally meet dimas, or re-establish communication with dimas

I had to make sure that by then, I had already finished my feelings with dimas.

*

As soon as the train entered the monument station, I immediately called my mother and told my mother that I would spend my holiday at home.

I then called the car rental service, and hired their services to take me to kulonprogo.

Luckily I didn't have to wait for them too long at the station, less than an hour, the car hire called me, they said the driver was waiting for me in front of the station.

As soon as I got into the car, I immediately gave the home address to the driver.

"Maira", shouted the driver.

I then looked at him, and it turned out to be a sigit, my ex in High School.

I immediately laughed at the sight of the sigit that had started to change.

He's no longer the sigit I used to know, he's changed, he looks like a married person in general.

He looked tired and his body was also starting to widen, there was no good looks left, only fatigue that I could see on his face.

Sigit asked me how I was doing, he also told me that soon his second child would be born.

At least my trip to the house was accompanied by a friend from the past, which might make me forget a little bit the wound in my heart.

I told the sigit, if I had just been left married by someone I love, the sigit comforted me by saying that the man, someday would be sorry

My heart wound was like being blown by a small wind when I heard the words of a sigit.

Sigit asked me to rest when he saw my eyes were still swollen, he said that he would wake me up when we reached the kulonprogo.

I woke up from the torrential rain that was pouring down on me when I heard a sigit call me

It turned out that the heavy rain was just a dream, I dreamt I was sitting on a swing under a very heavy rain, just by myself, but I woke up when I had just seen another figure coming at me from a distance.

My cousin Vienna welcomed me, as well as the star who was immediately happy to see me coming.

Auntie Wulan is happy because I chose to spend the holidays at home uti.

I told auntie Wulan that I was heartbroken because dimas married another woman.

Vienna who heard my words just hugged me, as well as aunt wulan.

Auntie Wulan said that I would definitely be able to go through all that, and asked me not to be too sad.

*

The first five days at home, I wholeheartedly enjoyed every broken heart.

I locked myself in my room, and borrowed a Viennese facebook account to see the page on Facebook.

I cry over every wedding photo in dimas, I also cry over every memory that I and dimas have on my facebook page.

At first I was angry and tried to compare myself to mila.

Then I deleted every post I wrote, which implied my jealousy to mila.

I began to erase every memory I had with dimas on my social media pages.

I also deleted every dimas photo I had on my phone.

Whether aunt wulan or uti, they gave me room to cry, they didn't bother me or tried to ask me to stop crying.

They always remind me when meal time comes.

Auntie Wulan also cooks soup more often, so that I ternutrisi well.

They strengthened me more often, without saying anything, just hugged me more often.

They know, I'm burning down every love I have for the dimas.

They know that I love dimas very much.

Burning all the feelings of love that I have for dimas, is a very difficult thing to do.

Every night I always fall asleep in tears, I also wake up in the morning with a sense of tightness in my heart.

Mom came to visit me on new year's night, and once she saw me, she just hugged me.

Alan felt heartbroken looking at my swollen eyes every day.

Rani is confused because she doesn't know what to do.

All the laughter that my best friend gave me couldn't make me smile.

As soon as my tears dried and I felt tired from crying nonstop, my mother asked me to go to the beach.

My mother was with me at home until my vacation schedule was over.

At home uti, I started the morning with crampedness in my heart, then I saw the wedding photos of dimas, and the intimacy of dimas and his wife on social media.

In the afternoon, I chose to compress my eyes while recalling all the memories that I and dimas shared.

I go to the beach, sometimes with my mom, but more often I'm alone.

On the beach I just pondered, and cried again with the rest of the tears I had.

I want to burn all my feelings to be crushed, and make them ashes, and then I'll sow them in the sea.

I want my feelings to be ashes that will never be questioned again when he returns.

Vienna once asked me when she accompanied me to the beach, she asked me if I regretted my relationship with dimas.

I firmly told Vienna, I do not regret my story with dimas.

I also told myself that I did not regret, everything I had given to dimas.

I don't regret the touch of dimas for me, I don't regret giving myself entirely to be dimas.

Nor do I regret that I wholeheartedly loved dimas.

One thing I regret, though, is the hope I let too high, the hope that dimas will always choose me, and love me.

Hope that dimas will always be with me.

Hope that dimas will age with me.

Every time I started sitting on the beach, and there were people passing by and greeting me, because they saw me crying.

I always tell them that the person I love has just married another woman.

They rubbed my back immediately, heard my words, then said that everything must have passed, and sooner or later, I would have forgotten it.

Some asked me to use my time well, so that there would be no regrets left.

Some teased me, and wanted to introduce me to another man.

They also pray for me, if someday, I will definitely find a better person and love me properly.

All the words that people told me, without feeling began to heal my wounds.

I knew that I had to use my time properly to heal my wounds.

I must be sure that my feelings for dimas are over, before I begin to open my heart to others.

I don't know how long I have to go through to let go of the dimas, but I'll use them to the fullest without missing a second.

I'll make sure that I no longer feel pain when I see photos of dimas, or my hands tremble every time I get a message from dimas, or my heart beats when I meet dimas.

I will not return to bring myself to fall into the arms of dimas, or to drown in dimas persuasion.

I'll erase all my feelings for dimas.

I know forgetting dimas might be hard, but I'm sure that I can erase all the feelings of love in my heart to dimas.

***