My name is Maira

- What's up -

***

The wall I had always built to ignore all my feelings for being dimmed, as well as covering the wound in my heart from the decision of being dimas, was shattered in an instant with just the dim figure before my eyes, and called out my name.

I bit my lips tight enough to hold back the crying, I don't know, I'm going to absorb this with just one sentence of mouth dimas.

The feeling that I had ignored all this time came back to me very clearly, the wound that I had not healed, opened up again.

My heart was still pounding, and my feet were still unwilling to step.

I made sure that the person in front of me was dimas, not the illusion I created in my head.

I swallowed my saliva, because of the pain I used to feel, came back to completely cover my heart.

"Hi", I said kindly to dimas, after I had regained control of myself, and was convinced that the dimas figure in front of me was not an illusion.

Dimas who was still standing from the sofa in the lobby, just smiled.

When I was about to step closer to dimas, I heard the sound of a car horn, and the security guard who opened the lobby door, saying that my invitation was already in front.

I then sign the dimas to wait.

As soon as I got out, abi's car was in front of the lobby, and abi complained because I was catapulting.

I explained to abi, if any of my acquaintances came from jogja, and asked abi to go home first.

I re-entered the building, and met dimas in the lobby, after the road car.

I was determined to wrap up all my anger, and my longing for dimas.

I convinced myself that I wasn't as fragile as I imagined.

"How are you" I asked dimas, holding out my hand to shake with dimas.

Dimas chose to leave my hand in the air, without intending to shake my hand.

"I'm waiting for you here from five o'clock in the afternoon" dimas told me.

I immediately saw the clock in my hand, and it turned out that time had already shown at 08:15 p.m.

"Why not go above" I asked dimas.

"I don't know what floor you work on, I just know you work in this building" she replied.

"Sorry, the last night was over dinner, you've eaten" I asked dimas, after I apologized for being kept waiting for me so long.

Dimas just shook his head.

"Who are you here" I asked dimas.

"Yourself", replied in a short message.

I offered to take her to dinner.

"You eat at the mall or you want to be on the side of the road", ask me on dimas.

"Anyway, I don't know what's good" she replied.

Because I was worried that the restaurant in the mall was still rame, and when we got out of the building, the tents were still full, I finally brought dimas to eat at grand lucky.

I let her eat her menu of choice quietly, and did not bother her with standard stale bases.

I refrained from constantly staring at dimas, and tried to shift my mind, looking at the contents of my phone.

"Why did you change the number" asked dimas to me, when he was done eating.

"Oh, at that time I had a pickle at the sudirman station, my blackberry also disappeared, so yes would not change", I replied, explaining briefly at dimas, the reason I changed the phone number.

"And the number can be taken care of in graphari" dimas told me.

"I don't know the location of the nearest graphari" I replied.

"You shop here a lot" she asked again.

"Rarely, I prefer to go to Block M when shopping" I replied.

"Why did you wait for me in the lobby earlier, from five o'clock anyway" I said, asking the core of the dimas presence tree.

"This is the supermarket closed at what time", tanya dimas diverted my question.

"It's just like it" I replied after seeing the clock in my hand.

"We can talk somewhere else" dimas asked.

Then I thought, but I can't remember the twenty-four-hour place around my office.

I rarely go home past eight in the evening, even after eight, usually Friday and if there is a new movie, or when I go with arman after work.

"Far off" asked me.

"No, if you only ride an angkot once" I replied.

"If you're talking in the hotel lobby, where I'm doing things" asked dimas.

"Where" I asked back.

"In the century", dimas replied.

I felt that my relationship with dimas was over, so it wouldn't hurt if we were just chatting.

Maybe there's something I want to say.

I can think of this as friendship.

I just need to control myself not to try to hug dimas.

Hotel century is located near the door of six bung karno, about fifteen minutes walk from the grand lucky.

I walked behind dimas, slowly.

Repeatedly tim tried to equalize his walking speed with me, but I always chose to walk behind.

I'm more comfortable when I just look at the back.

The two of us just fell silent along the way, I didn't know myself, what to say, or what to ask dimas.

Dimas then pulled the box out of his backpack, and pushed it towards me, as we sat in the hotel lobby where he was staying.

I grabbed it and opened it, apparently the necklace that used to be given to me.

I then closed the box again, and pushed towards dimas.

"You know what this necklace means, I have no right to keep this" I said to dimas.

Dimas just looked at me with teary eyes.

"I love you not to return Ra" said dimas calmly.

"I return it because I am not entitled to save it" I said firmly on dimas.

"I was fine before I saw this necklace ra" dimas told me in a soft tone.

"I was also fine before I finally had to turn this necklace" I replied to dimas, with the pressure of every word I said.

Dimas just looked at me with an angry look.

"You've decided to stay with me, so I don't think it needs to be discussed anymore" I told dimas, trying to calm down.

"You who go, you who disappear, you who force me to make this decision" dimas said trying to contain his anger.

"I exist, I never change my heart according to the promise I made to you, nor do I force you to stay with me, it's your own decision" I replied, trying to hold back my emotions, because I heard something dimas blamed me for.

Dimas was just speechless, not trying to return my words, he just looked at me while holding back tears in his eyes, then turned his gaze away.

I myself felt the cold run to my heart.

I was angry to see dimas with his emotions, but I just wanted to hold him back.

I just want to get out of this place.

Then I tried to calm myself.

"Here it is", I asked dimas.

Dimas did not reply, and only remained silent while lowering his face.

"If no one wants to talk about it, I go home first, it's late" I told dimas.

Dimas just lifted his head, and looked at me with anger that was still clearly visible in his eyes.

I stood up from the sofa, and walked towards the exit, leaving behind dimas who only saw my back pass.

As soon as I walked away from the century hotel, I felt something pull my hand.

As I turned around I saw dimas with tears filling his face.

Dimas just pulled me into his arms, then kissed me.

I was not trying to rid myself of the dimas, I was just dissolving in the emotions that were created.

I was angry at myself for being so fragile in dimas' arms.

***