My name is Maira

- New air -

***

Huddling on the train every seven o'clock in the morning and five o'clock in the afternoon is my new routine now.

Getting a seat is impossible, because everyone is tired.

And there is no sex difference when we become passengers jabodetabek electric train, all equal.

Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I have the right to sit unless I'm pregnant, or I'm an elderly person.

Men also have a sense of fatigue, they are also the same, want to rest for a while before starting a day that is not necessarily fun.

The distance from my home to my new office is pretty close.

I just had to take the train from the train station to the market station Sunday, then take an online taxi at a cost of ten thousand, and I arrived in front of the office.

Alindra, is the construction company on which I am based at the moment.

Although alindra is not based in a luxury building in the row of scbd, but the office is very spacious, because the two shophouse buildings are made one.

Employees who work are only ten people, but company partners are very many.

In addition to the office space, there are five meeting rooms on the lower floor.

The second floor is entirely for the company's operations.

This is my third week at the company.

The part that I was offered was admin marketing.

I'm not alone, there's an iqbal that helps me and teaches me his work patterns.

So far only iqbal that I often invite to talk.

The problems that happened to me made my confidence drop drastically.

I who is naturally the type of person who is difficult to get along with, now with the burden of debt that I have, make me choose to be alone and greet adequately with other office employees.

I always have my own lunch, with the provisions that aunt Rosa brought.

I only talk about work, if any of the employees ask me about personal matters, I immediately withdraw.

Mr. Ardi who brought me to this company, in addition to his best friend om rusman, he is the main director in our office.

Mr. Ardi was very firm, he always conveyed his point clearly without rambling.

I rarely met him myself, because he always met outside the office.

Abi called me last night, if this afternoon he was going to pick me up from work, the plan was that we would just eat around the Sunday market.

Abi also said that he would introduce a very special person to him.

I can't wait to meet this special figure, because Abi has a little story about him.

"Ra, next week we want to tender in DKI, please prepare data for partners yes", Iqbal pinta to me as soon as I sit at my desk.

"I can give you a list of data that I have to prepare no, let nothing go wrong later" I replied to iqbal.

Iqbal then gave me a record of the documents I had to prepare, and he also asked me to tidy them up in the form of a proposal.

"Ra later tonight linda ngajakin for dinner at the grilled rice near the station, you come with ya", pinta iqbal.

"I'm so sorry, I made the same agreement first" I told iqbal.

Iqbal later said that getting along with linda was important, because linda was a financial person, so iqbal and Iqbal needed to negotiate well with linda, so that the entertainment project funds were not too low.

"Next time I will definitely come, because later tonight is quite important" I told iqbal.

Iqbal agreed and would tell Linda, she also asked me to promise that I would hang out with other employees more often.

*

Abi was waiting in front of my office at about five in the afternoon.

He was alone, his face looked grim, and he was wearing all-black clothes.

"Hai bi", I said to Abi as I walked out of the office.

Abi just waved his hand, with a forced smile.

"All black clothes tumben kok, office dress code", I asked abi.

In my old office, it was often held a dress code that must be followed by employees for a certain moment.

Abi then grabbed my hand, and I immediately choked to hear abi's words.

"Dito died" abi said.

"Sick" I asked Abi after I could get myself.

Abi just shook his head weakly, and I saw tears begin to fall on his face.

This morning, Abi got word from a friend of the office who was on the team with dito, if dito killed himself.

Dito jumped from the fifteenth floor of his apartment, at the faithful last night.

Although a feeling of surprise enveloped me, but somehow I could understand the decision dito.

Five billion losses to be covered.

Dito did decide to stay in the office, just like the others, while waiting for the good news.

Only, the news that everyone was waiting for, did not blow.

I do not justify what Dito did.

I can only understand, because I was once in the same position, giving up on my life after that event.

I was lucky that there was an abi accompanying me, but maybe dito through it all myself.

I myself realize, generally, people will immediately move away, once they find out that we have a huge debt burden.

I can't blame anyone, because everyone must have chosen to save themselves first.

I just went with Abi to the funeral home in bogor, we went on abi's motorcycle.

Dito is a real bogor, his parents still live in bogor, but after two years working in the same office with me and abi, he said, dito can buy an apartment unit in Setiabudi for him to live in.

Dito is considered a star in our office, because he always managed to convince investors to join.

Although he had a lot of income, but he was very humble, he also often offered to pay for our lunch.

Dito's a different team than me and Abi, but we often joke in the pantry every morning or after lunch.

I could only smile cynically as Abi said, that only the two of us would come to the funeral home.

Even the members of the team dito, no one came, with the excuse of not being able to.

According to abi, the company has also sent a bouquet of flowers, but abi heard the news, if the bouquet was immediately burned by the family dito.

When we reached the funeral home, cries were still heard from outside the house.

Dito was also buried this afternoon, we can only see the photo of the dito, and remember the dito.

Abi and I did not dare to tell the dito family, if we know dito, because we work in the same company.

We only say, if we know the dito because often lunch in the same place.

We were worried that if the dito family found out we were working in the same office, they would get sadder, because we chose to stay, while the dito chose to give up.

We were just for a moment, just offering condolences and praying ditos.

We chose to eat at the tongseng stall located on the side of the road after returning home from the funeral home.

Neither I nor Abi choose to be silent, and dive into each of our minds and hearts.

I then remembered the laughter of dito as we followed the outing at the bogor.

Dito is a source of gossip information for me and Abi, as well as people who always tell jokes when we meet in the pantry.

The crisp laughter of the dito as we gathered, only memories remain that I can remember with a bitter smile tonight.

Dito obviously made the wrong decision.

Even though he left, the problems he had to bear did not necessarily go with him, but the problem came down and became a burden on the family.

Regret then arose, for I was too busy saving myself, without knowing the person who often shared laughter with me, falling into a depression that made him choose to leave.

*

Two weeks passed after the departure of dito, my meeting with abi is still on our agenda to remember Dito.

This week also began to enter the week end of the year.

Last week before the long holiday of Christmas and new year.

"Bali yuk ra", take nia to me as we relax on the second floor balcony.

I used to spend the night on Sunday sitting on the balcony looking at the dark sky of Jakarta.

Often I myself, sometimes nia or aunt rosa accompany, but only briefly because it can not stand mosquito bites.

"Jogja aja me he", I replied to nia.

"Depart when", ask again.

"Two more days" I replied to nia.

Nia didn't ask any more, and decided to go inside the house, because it was ten in the evening, and she wanted to watch her favorite Korean drama.

I, who lived alone on the balcony, chose to look at my social media.

It's been a long time since I opened social media and found out about my friends.

The rush at the new office, as well as the grief of the dito departure, kept me busy and ignored my social media activities for the past month.

My social media pages are still filled with news of the wedding, or the birth of the first child of my college friends.

Just one second I laughed because I saw the birthday video, my heart immediately sank as soon as I saw the post after.

***