I'm Not a Wingless Angel

POSITIVELY

*

The doctor smiled after he finished checking on Di. He got up and stood facing me.

" How's doc? In what pain?" I'm just impatient.

" It's all normal koq, I can't answer, but.." the doctor kind of deliberately hung up his sentence.

" but what doc?" many forced me

" Let's take your wife to the gynecologist to make sure Dim. If I thought she was pregnant" she replied smiling. I was flabbergasted, shocked. A small scream came out from the mouth of the mother who was sitting there listening to us.

" Ha.. pregnant, in pregnant doc?" I don't know if all the dads felt this way when they heard his wife was pregnant. Confused, panicked, happy...

" I think yes, but, it's better if you take your wife to check, or try to use a testpack. He also must have understood how to use it." replied the doctor with a smile. He was a family doctor who was like a family, so he knew that Di a widow had 2 children.

" Good doc, thank you." I said as I regretted it.

I went back to the side of the bed, looking at my wife's face, "i'm sorry baby, there are too many secrets between us, and God's best destiny has united us. I promise I will always trust you, after this I will also tell you all my secrets. I looked at her pure face that looked tired, gently stroking her cheeks, she said,

" Hmm..."

Started to wake up,

" in... Baby. "I called her name slowly.

" Hmmmh.. yank." he said, holding his head. I stroked the top of her head, hoping to ease her pain.

**

I took Di to the gynecologist this morning, Di was a little confused but he was silent and complied.

" How about mbak?" I asked the obstetrician who is also my cousin's brother.

" Patience cake Dim.. ngebet terhh.." he said with a laugh.

" Hmmm." he looked at me, then looked at Di.

" Positive Dim" he said later.

" Thank God." I unconsciously thanked him in a loud voice. He quickly patted my thigh to wake me up. I smiled and rolled my eyes at him.

" Ok mbak, thank you. We'll go home first, yeah..."

" Yes, my heart... Take care of your shit." She smiled at Murni's message before we went home.

**

Fetish

Ever since Radit and his mother came to Dimas' house, I started to see the change in Dimas and his mother's attitude towards my children. Many times we came to my mother's house, Dimas and Sandra's attitude towards Azi and Iza was always cold. Iza now instead always avoids meeting them, maybe because she is female, so more sensitive. Azi, who I saw several times at the Dimas shelter, was still always looking for her attention. I know why Dimas and his mother behaved this way, but they forgot that my children did not choose the seeds that made them there or the womb where they lived for 9 months. I've never discussed this matter with Dimas, I'm still looking for the right time to discuss it.

***

" Mama..."

Azi and Iza welcomed me and Dimas warmly. Iza immediately went into her room after hugging me for a while. While Azi directly brought her body closer to Dimas. I only noticed the attitude of the two of them from a distance. I sat down with my mom and shared the story, while Dimas was busy with his HP sitting in front of the TV with Azi. I once heard Dimas ask Azi to move to sit next to him on the grounds that he felt sultry, Azi went away for a while and then returned to sit next to Dimas. He placed his hands on Dimas' thighs that were still busy with his HP, Azi looked seriously into the HP screen. Before long, Dimas lifted his thigh violently, so that Azi lost his footing and fell down. My heart felt torn to shreds at the sight,

" Azi, here son.." I called him and he quickly came to me. I hugged and kissed her while saying an apology in my heart.

" Azi don't miss mama?" I'll distract him.

" Dimas may be tired, you go home."

Mama seemed to know what was playing on my mind, so she advised me to go home. I nodded slowly, very sad.

****

I haven't responded to Dimas's questions since we got home from mom's house. My heart aches, because they are a part of me. I got out of the car and went into the house alone, greeting mama Sandra who was busy reading with a smile and slowly walking one by one stairs to the room.

Dimas walked into the room while I was putting some of my clothes in the travelbag.

" Where are you going?" ketus

I'm quiet, still unresponsive.

" Answer me, where are you going?" repeat but in a lower tone

I'm still quiet

He stepped quickly towards me, took my hand rough and pulled it so I could stand facing him. His eyes glinted in anger.

" Did it hurt to let Dim down?" my many. He frowned

" you mean?" ask again

" Do you feel hurt when someone who is usually warm and loving to you turns cold and ignores you?" ask me for more details.

" The case is different." she replied casually, taking my hand off. He seems to know where I'm going

" Did you choose the seeds that would make you Dim?" back I asked

" Your question doesn't make sense." she answered, let go of her grip and moved away, then took a seat on the sofa.

" My children do not know that the seeds that make it up are the seeds of an ********. They didn't know that his father was the one who would hurt his mother, nor did they know that his father was Raditya Arya." My tears started to break, my chest was already tight withholding this.

" If they could choose that time, they would definitely choose to be formed from your warm and loving seed, just like him" I said as I pointed at my stomach.

" Why on them do you throw your anger, why don't you just find Radit's father, finish him off and dump his body in the garbage dump. Because that's all he deserves, not my children Dim." My voice began to rise, disappointed in his attitude. He just shut up and ruffled his hair. I resumed my activities, then stood up as soon as everything was neat.

" I won't let you go Di" he said in a loud voice.

" I don't care, like you don't care how I feel either." I said as I walked out of the room.

I descended the stairs slowly with a travel bag in hand. Only a few more steps left, but my legs sprained, I was unable to balance my body,

Dimpled

" Brukk"

I got up and ran out of the room,

" Dimaass!!!"

" Diii!!!"

I ran down the stairs, On the floor, my mother sat supporting Di's head with her thighs.

I immediately asked the driver to prepare the car, while I carried Di's body into the car. I supported her body while in the car,

" Da!! I beg you to wake up Di!!" I tried many times to wake her up, but she just kept still.