I Am Beautiful

quarrels for the sake of quarrels and intimidation from mama

(Beautiful Monologist)

"Beautiful will forgive big brother this time, and Beautiful will give you the last chance and also loyalty for big brother, we will equally prove who is actually more loyal, he said, and if something like this happens again, you already know the answer and it means that if my future is destroyed later, it all stems from your brother!! because it was my brother who had ruined me!" I firmly and hurriedly left Mathew to treat the heart wound.

Mathew tried to hold me back, but I violently refused, and Mathew let me go, and I walked out of the dormitory with tears flowing nonstop, regardless of the people around me going to my house, I called Roy to pick me up and Roy rushed to come in just ten minutes until Roy found me crying on the sidewalk in front of the dorm,

Roy did not ask me anything, on the way we were silent a thousand languages, and after arriving at Roy's house just said "Be my strong sister Beautiful.." His mouth with a smile,

"Thank you Roy." I replied

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I close my heart to anyone who approaches me, and especially to Roy, I'm sure Roy knows exactly what his position is like with me, we understand each other's boundaries, boundaries, even last night Roy called me sister, my heart is really happy to have a friend like Roy.

Time went on as usual, and I acted with Mathew as if we didn't have any problems, as I promised, that I would give him the last chance to prove he could turn into a good man, loyal and responsible, Mathew always routinely stopped by my house almost every day except the picket schedule in his barracks, our relationship was slow - slowly intertwined kemistri back.

Mama who already hates Mathew, now hates Mathew more, now the pressure I get from the mama who is always hostile to me because Mathew, really my mind is not strong to face the attitude of the mama who always intimidates me, and after three months of running after the last incident of my fight with Mathew, we had another problem, I don't know what kind of fight it was, I forgot, too, Mathew was so emotional and took his knife to the right until there was a gaping wound on Mathew's arm and made me scream - screaming in fear, seeing my fight back then made my mom hate Mathew so much.

One night, I was playing with a puppy that I loved so much, the puppy I bought from one of my schoolmates and I gave him the name Negro, seeing my closeness to a dog, making Mathew so jealous, and emotionless, Mathew took my two-month-old puppy, and strangled the nigger's neck, leaving the nigger unable to make a sound, seeing what Mathew was doing made me beg for mercy, even kneel at his feet to let Mathew release my puppy, after being satisfied to see me so depressed Mathew immediately released my dog child who was helpless, he said, thankfully my dog's son had a good night, and I cried all over again,

I don't know what my stupidity was when I was 16 years old, I was so scared when Mathew threatened me to tell everyone I wasn't a virgin anymore, that's the threat to get me to obey all Mathew's commands and desires, every time we fight, and then strangely enough, every time Mathew saw me crying because of the bullying she was doing Mathew would apologize as if he was not aware of what he had done to me.

Not just intimidation, and threats from Matthew, every day I have to face my mother's attitude that always just angry, and look at me with hatred and feel fed up with my presence at home, seeing the situation was not possible, I could not stand it so much, so I ran away from home and ran to the house of Lady one of my best friends.

Just escaped there was not a day, my father had suspected I would run where at that time, and my driver picked me up from the Lady's house, finally inevitably I went home, arriving at home I get chastisement and slap from my mother, but at that time I did not dare to fight or even ask 'why I was treated unworthy as a child by my own mother' and the sentence of the question I only dared to ask myself, my heart cried out but my mouth did not budge in the slightest.

And unfortunately I have a papa who is not wise and unable to act as the head of the household, papa tends to follow all the words of the mother, but, right or wrong everything will be right if the mother who said and papa will obey almost all the requests of mama or all the protests from mama, even papa didn't know how mom allowed Mathew to infiltrate my bedroom first, but again - again a greater fear even enveloped my entire courage at that time,

The stupidity of the threat from Mathew also made me in a dilemma to tell the truth, so I chose to keep quiet all this time, I did not dare to report to anyone that I became corrupted because of Mathew. At a very young age I shouldn't have experienced all this, and I shouldn't have been ostracized even by my own mother's intimidation, and unfortunately again I don't have shelter, because my hope is that my father is unable to be my protector, even though he loves me very much, but the influence of my mother is greater than the reality of my situation at that time, as if he was blinded by the seduction of his mother, and papa's ears are deaf and can only hear whispers from one source, mama..

"Sir, you get a letter of duty to Sumatra for nine months" Mathew embraced me as he kissed my head.So,

"Can't you replace it with another member?" I'm sad, though,

"No Deck, you will also get a big bonus if you accept this task, and if you refuse then you will be moved to another city again" he said,

"Well, sister.do you still remember your promise to me?" I asked while looking at both of his eyeballs,

"Dad, I'm not going to be like any more during Dek's assignment, brother promised to be faithful to Adek" and Mathew softly kissed my lips,

"Okay, brother, I will wait here for you, faithfully." I cried, shedding tears,

"You don't feel sad, won't you be taking the class exam soon?" ask her, ask her,

"Dad is right, brother.." he said flatly,

"Learn good, that you may soon graduate, and brother shall promise to give you college, also after graduation we shall soon be engaged Dek," all of Mathew's words sounded very sincere and I was very hopeful at that time, in order to get married to Mathew's sister, because I didn't want any other man to be my side..., I really can't bear to say "basic not virgin!!" or being scorned by someone else.

I thought, can't I have to marry Mathew.

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seriate,